We are back from my mom's. However I get to go back to work tonight (Thursday)... fun fun fun. I had my u/s yesterday a.m. and things are looking better than the last cycle. However having said that that isn't saying much as last cycle really was a very sucky cycle for me. I do not at this time know my E2 level, however my lining was 7.7 (last cycle at this time it was I think 5.3), right ovary hanging out with 1 follicle at 11, left ovary having 2 at 14 and 12. So something is growing in there. Hopefully something that wants to stick around for 9 months, but again that's wishful thinking on my part. I've looked at my supply of meds and maybe we could swing one more injectable cycle rather than have to wait it out kind of thing if this goes bust. We shall see.
On other fronts... we went and played with C and the girls C and R it was great. It was nice to see C again - she's doing well all things considered. On Saturday it'll be a year since D's cousin's death. We had a blast with the girls and just enjoyed snuggling with R. C wanted both of us to read Dora books to her and we did... though D cheated by skipping the spanish words.
We signed up for some team thing where we can buy stuff and get a percentage back (generally 3-6%). The bottom line is that we buy energy drinks through this group so why not get a portion back. It's the X. S. ene.rgy drinks and I love the caffeine free rootbeer... D likes the cranberry-grape caffeine free and tropical also caffeine free. We bought caffeine free for obvious reasons... since I've been off caffeine for well over a year and a half it makes sense since we're still ttc to buy things I'll drink without the caffeine in them. So we did. There's a variety of other things you can buy as well and there are some discounts. D asked me if it was a pyra,mid scheme and I don't think it is, but truthfully don't care. I'm not planning on recruiting others to it, but if friends, family etc want to buy I'll set them up to buy but if they want to be set up with their own percentage back well I'll be calling others to do that. I have used some of the housecare products before as my sister used to buy from them and loved the detergent - which says something as my family has issues when you switch laundry detergent. Generally one or all of us would break out in a rash. I didn't have any problems with the stuff and it was supposedly biodegradable and good for the environment. So we'll try some of the products out and see if they'll work for our family. If they do - great, if not that's okay as well. Ultimately it's about keeping my spending butt out of the stores and we'd rather have me shop online than spend wasted time in the stores buying stuff I don't need. Make sense?
Oh well if it doesn't. It did to the two of us and ultimately that's all that matters right?
So another scan on Friday where hopefully the three amigos have grown and prospered and are like at least 17 and 14 or something insane line that... and then hopefully another day or so of gonal-f then trigger... wouldn't that be nice? It would be almost... key word almost... a normal cycle. Now that would truly be unique.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Back In The Car
Late tonight/early tomorrow morning will find me picking D up from work... with three dogs strapped in their seat belts. The dogs of course are delighted at the prospect of visiting Grandma... Ernie's already acting like a raving idiot at the thought of seeing Grandma. (I swear he loses his mind when it comes to my mom... it's like any obedience lessons he's had are GONE)
We're headed there to a) bury the previously buried cat Belle (yes we brought gloves), b) teach my mom how to work her digital thermometer, change the filter on her furnace, and c) any other things she needs to learn how to do regarding her house that D has been taking care of for the last couple years.
On the one hand I'm excited to see my mom again and D's parents (though they will apparently be coming Labor Day Weekend for their vacation at our house) but the thought of making the drive which I haven't really had to do for the last two months really does not appeal to me at all.
D read my previous post and said - you know what... we did it. We made it in spite of all the odds - how many couples can say they lived apart and still communicated, stayed on the same page, didn't become bitter etc etc. I looked at him and said boy am I glad we are done with it though... and he agreed. However he also said - we would have done it for however long we needed to do it and I nodded at that point.
I'm very thankful that all of you were not offended by my previous post. I was frustrated a bit... I had had a "why me?" kind of day... it's hard not to be envious of others, it's damn hard not to be jealous of those with easy fertility and it's even harder to remind myself that it's not always about me and that my things in life are not wrapped up in other's things in life. But most days I remind myself gently that that is the case.
I'm trying not to say - oh it's the gonal-f that's making me all wonky... Unfortunately it's just me.
Eve - I agree that God helps those who help themselves... I also believe that he answers our prayers - maybe not in the way that we wanted him to or not even in the time frame that we want him to, but he answers them with our best interest at heart. I too wouldn't trade my life for someone else's... and it is frustrating because sometimes it would be so very easy to want someone else's life if only for a minute.
DD - Glad you strapped on the life jacket... I'll meet you at the surface.
Sometimes all you can do is dog paddle or dead man's float until you reach land... I think sometimes the best that we can do is just keep our head above water and pray for land. So I'm glad to know I'm not alone... because I think it's a heck of a lot easier to keep your head above water when you have friends cheering you on.
We're headed there to a) bury the previously buried cat Belle (yes we brought gloves), b) teach my mom how to work her digital thermometer, change the filter on her furnace, and c) any other things she needs to learn how to do regarding her house that D has been taking care of for the last couple years.
On the one hand I'm excited to see my mom again and D's parents (though they will apparently be coming Labor Day Weekend for their vacation at our house) but the thought of making the drive which I haven't really had to do for the last two months really does not appeal to me at all.
D read my previous post and said - you know what... we did it. We made it in spite of all the odds - how many couples can say they lived apart and still communicated, stayed on the same page, didn't become bitter etc etc. I looked at him and said boy am I glad we are done with it though... and he agreed. However he also said - we would have done it for however long we needed to do it and I nodded at that point.
I'm very thankful that all of you were not offended by my previous post. I was frustrated a bit... I had had a "why me?" kind of day... it's hard not to be envious of others, it's damn hard not to be jealous of those with easy fertility and it's even harder to remind myself that it's not always about me and that my things in life are not wrapped up in other's things in life. But most days I remind myself gently that that is the case.
I'm trying not to say - oh it's the gonal-f that's making me all wonky... Unfortunately it's just me.
Eve - I agree that God helps those who help themselves... I also believe that he answers our prayers - maybe not in the way that we wanted him to or not even in the time frame that we want him to, but he answers them with our best interest at heart. I too wouldn't trade my life for someone else's... and it is frustrating because sometimes it would be so very easy to want someone else's life if only for a minute.
DD - Glad you strapped on the life jacket... I'll meet you at the surface.
Sometimes all you can do is dog paddle or dead man's float until you reach land... I think sometimes the best that we can do is just keep our head above water and pray for land. So I'm glad to know I'm not alone... because I think it's a heck of a lot easier to keep your head above water when you have friends cheering you on.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Dealing
Why not me?
Isn't that the question we always ask ourselves? You know the one when you've just gotten off the phone with a friend who is either complaining about her children or the coworker who isn't quite happy about the unexpected pregnancy? I know you've done it... I'll even admit to thinking the thought myself a few times. Most of the time though I count my own blessings... a wonderful husband, 3 beautiful dogs, a job I enjoy, a roof over our head, family, friends etc.
I had a friend recently say that parts of her life should be mine. She has two beautiful children and an unhappy marriage. The part she thought should have been mine was the kids. She said this knowing that I understood she wasn't wanting to get rid of her kids or complain about her kids... she was complaining about her marriage. I knew that... she knew that and she knew I would not be offended by the comment.
I guess the question should be why do I deserve this over someone else? I don't. I'm not a saint and yes I'm a sinner so that means I'm human. I truly don't believe that every month there is a certain number of people that will get what they desire and if they get it then I won't. I don't think things work that way. Now granted I don't know how it all works out but I know that eventually, somehow it will work out. Maybe not in the way I thought it would, but that one of these days it'll all work out.
I know this because D and I dealt with 3 years of living apart... 2 of those being married. It was hard, it was a lot of driving. It's not something I'd recommend, however we made the choice as a couple then as husband and wife and it worked out for us in the end. Whenever an interview or a job posting would come up I'd ask are you applying? Or after an interview or test went badly I'd cheer him up. Initially I would offer to quit my job and move back to the other side of the state... and D would say "No. You love your job, the organization you work with values you financially and I like this side of the state and want to raise our family there." It became a token gesture - he knew I didn't want to, but if it meant being with him I would move back to the area. We prayed about what to do... and somehow we decided to buy a house that I lived in alone with him occasionally visiting for a year and half. We were about to throw in the towel for a while on the job search and suddenly there was activity. Background checks were being done... and a call. A call that changed our lives... D took a position so that he could live with me as his wife. He didn't even think about wages or benefits, he just said "Yes." I hate the pay cut, and am not terribly fond of his new prescription coverage, but after going years wondering when I'd be living with my husband I can say I live with him and I love him and it's fabulous and I treasure it.
I think that sometimes you have to deal with the hand you are dealt - which is what D and I did for the 3 years it took us to get to be in the same household. Which is what all of us are trying to do whether it be habitual aborter, endometriosis, ovulation dysfunction, male factor infertility etc etc. We have to make our own happy endings. Not relying on someone else to do it for us. We may rely on medical professionals to help us at times, but we are not just a set of circumstances, but choices. Sometimes those choices work out for the best and other times they send you back to the drawing board, but we all have a choice to make... is it going to bottom us out to the depths of despair or are we going to grab that life jacket and let it pull us to the surface and then float till we find land or something to hold onto.
I'm all about safety - so I'll be strapping on the life jacket now.
Now what about you? Will it be the life jacket or are you going to wait for someone to rescue you?
Isn't that the question we always ask ourselves? You know the one when you've just gotten off the phone with a friend who is either complaining about her children or the coworker who isn't quite happy about the unexpected pregnancy? I know you've done it... I'll even admit to thinking the thought myself a few times. Most of the time though I count my own blessings... a wonderful husband, 3 beautiful dogs, a job I enjoy, a roof over our head, family, friends etc.
I had a friend recently say that parts of her life should be mine. She has two beautiful children and an unhappy marriage. The part she thought should have been mine was the kids. She said this knowing that I understood she wasn't wanting to get rid of her kids or complain about her kids... she was complaining about her marriage. I knew that... she knew that and she knew I would not be offended by the comment.
I guess the question should be why do I deserve this over someone else? I don't. I'm not a saint and yes I'm a sinner so that means I'm human. I truly don't believe that every month there is a certain number of people that will get what they desire and if they get it then I won't. I don't think things work that way. Now granted I don't know how it all works out but I know that eventually, somehow it will work out. Maybe not in the way I thought it would, but that one of these days it'll all work out.
I know this because D and I dealt with 3 years of living apart... 2 of those being married. It was hard, it was a lot of driving. It's not something I'd recommend, however we made the choice as a couple then as husband and wife and it worked out for us in the end. Whenever an interview or a job posting would come up I'd ask are you applying? Or after an interview or test went badly I'd cheer him up. Initially I would offer to quit my job and move back to the other side of the state... and D would say "No. You love your job, the organization you work with values you financially and I like this side of the state and want to raise our family there." It became a token gesture - he knew I didn't want to, but if it meant being with him I would move back to the area. We prayed about what to do... and somehow we decided to buy a house that I lived in alone with him occasionally visiting for a year and half. We were about to throw in the towel for a while on the job search and suddenly there was activity. Background checks were being done... and a call. A call that changed our lives... D took a position so that he could live with me as his wife. He didn't even think about wages or benefits, he just said "Yes." I hate the pay cut, and am not terribly fond of his new prescription coverage, but after going years wondering when I'd be living with my husband I can say I live with him and I love him and it's fabulous and I treasure it.
I think that sometimes you have to deal with the hand you are dealt - which is what D and I did for the 3 years it took us to get to be in the same household. Which is what all of us are trying to do whether it be habitual aborter, endometriosis, ovulation dysfunction, male factor infertility etc etc. We have to make our own happy endings. Not relying on someone else to do it for us. We may rely on medical professionals to help us at times, but we are not just a set of circumstances, but choices. Sometimes those choices work out for the best and other times they send you back to the drawing board, but we all have a choice to make... is it going to bottom us out to the depths of despair or are we going to grab that life jacket and let it pull us to the surface and then float till we find land or something to hold onto.
I'm all about safety - so I'll be strapping on the life jacket now.
Now what about you? Will it be the life jacket or are you going to wait for someone to rescue you?
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Gearing Up for Number 10 and Dealing With A Wandering Dog
Double digits... seriously? How about we ignore all those low betas then we'd only be talking about like 4 rather than 10. Anyways - my period has arrived and Thursday will be my screening u/s. On the bright side of all this I should not be getting test results on our anniversary but after which is not a bad thing at all. Although I fear it will be almost literally right after our anniversary. Whatever will be will be right?
Now on to the rest of the story so to speak...
I've mentioned Chance - my oldest pup who is 10 years old as of June... he was my first and is of course truly "mine" so to speak. Well we've had a few episodes of wandering... or as D calls it "I think Chance has alzheimer's and forgets which house is his own." At first it was just to the unoccupied house next door. However twice on D's watch - Chance has taken a long walk down the private drive which is about a quarter mile and across the road (which can be busy at times) and up the neighbors drive which is probably 1/8 of a mile. D not knowing that he's gone on this jaunt - believing he's at the unoccopied neighbor's house or as was the case last night - that he was in the house. Fortunately Chance is a self sufficient sort who is apparently just wanting to get out and say "Hi" to the kids. He walks up to the door and scratches at it.
To me this makes us look like HORRIBLE owners... to the neighbor's it's hillarious. I mentioned to D that this ONLY happens on HIS watch. I instructed him the last time this happened that he needed to put Chance on a leash if he was going to be outside unmonitored. D did not move the chain that I asked him to when that occurred. He now has. It's now at the front door so both D and I can hook Chance up so that he can't go a wandering.
I have visions of what could have happened... namely Chance getting hit. I love my puppies all of them, but Chance will always hold a special place in my heart because it was him and me against the world for so very long. He terrorized enough would be suitors by eating their wallets, peeing on them, getting in their face anytime they attempted a kiss... etc etc etc. Chance was persistent... he frustrated these guys without truthfully doing much. If he didn't like you and you tried to kiss, hug, whatever he'd be in your face being annoying acting as if he LOVED the guy and couldn't get enough of them. Looking back the only person he did not give grief to was D. He apparently has good taste.
Now you find D and Chance cuddling periodically... D protecting Chance by letting the other dogs out first so that Chance can have a minute or two alone as an only dog able to stretch and roll around on his back and seal walk to limber up to face the day. Chance still is "mine" he just shares me a bit more than he used to. He still is very upset by my work schedule and hates that I leave at all... even with D home, but it's better than it used to be. Now I only have to get him to understand that going to the neighbors house is NOT appropriate behavior. Guess the leash will have to do the trick for the time being.
Silly dog... I also mentioned to D that these episodes only happen on his watch... and that he probably should pay closer attention to where the three amigos are so to speak so that it doesn't happen again.
Now on to the rest of the story so to speak...
I've mentioned Chance - my oldest pup who is 10 years old as of June... he was my first and is of course truly "mine" so to speak. Well we've had a few episodes of wandering... or as D calls it "I think Chance has alzheimer's and forgets which house is his own." At first it was just to the unoccupied house next door. However twice on D's watch - Chance has taken a long walk down the private drive which is about a quarter mile and across the road (which can be busy at times) and up the neighbors drive which is probably 1/8 of a mile. D not knowing that he's gone on this jaunt - believing he's at the unoccopied neighbor's house or as was the case last night - that he was in the house. Fortunately Chance is a self sufficient sort who is apparently just wanting to get out and say "Hi" to the kids. He walks up to the door and scratches at it.
To me this makes us look like HORRIBLE owners... to the neighbor's it's hillarious. I mentioned to D that this ONLY happens on HIS watch. I instructed him the last time this happened that he needed to put Chance on a leash if he was going to be outside unmonitored. D did not move the chain that I asked him to when that occurred. He now has. It's now at the front door so both D and I can hook Chance up so that he can't go a wandering.
I have visions of what could have happened... namely Chance getting hit. I love my puppies all of them, but Chance will always hold a special place in my heart because it was him and me against the world for so very long. He terrorized enough would be suitors by eating their wallets, peeing on them, getting in their face anytime they attempted a kiss... etc etc etc. Chance was persistent... he frustrated these guys without truthfully doing much. If he didn't like you and you tried to kiss, hug, whatever he'd be in your face being annoying acting as if he LOVED the guy and couldn't get enough of them. Looking back the only person he did not give grief to was D. He apparently has good taste.
Now you find D and Chance cuddling periodically... D protecting Chance by letting the other dogs out first so that Chance can have a minute or two alone as an only dog able to stretch and roll around on his back and seal walk to limber up to face the day. Chance still is "mine" he just shares me a bit more than he used to. He still is very upset by my work schedule and hates that I leave at all... even with D home, but it's better than it used to be. Now I only have to get him to understand that going to the neighbors house is NOT appropriate behavior. Guess the leash will have to do the trick for the time being.
Silly dog... I also mentioned to D that these episodes only happen on his watch... and that he probably should pay closer attention to where the three amigos are so to speak so that it doesn't happen again.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Phew!
Finally got the call from the RE's office... I can cycle again and I did NOT get the wide eyed innocent nurse. I had to call them how irritating. Anyways...
So we'll cycle again once my period shows.
Dino D asked a question one of my irl friends asked - Do I always have beta hcg circulating through my body... well no. I've had betas done in the past (most specifically in the ectopic fiasco) and it's been 0 and 2 before. I also have had lower betas of 3 and 4 before. So I wish it was just me being a freak rather than me getting "this" close (imagine me holding my two fingers very close together... but apparently freak wins out. Queen of chemical pregnancies - wish that title came with free fertility meds and unlimited u/s. Alas it doesn't.
So - they'll get aggressive Sami rather than laid back one... ahh the horror!!! I haven't decided yet if the hpt's are going to go back in the proverbial closet or if we're just going to do a beta test... votes?
Off to work... running late... bad sami... bad sami...
So we'll cycle again once my period shows.
Dino D asked a question one of my irl friends asked - Do I always have beta hcg circulating through my body... well no. I've had betas done in the past (most specifically in the ectopic fiasco) and it's been 0 and 2 before. I also have had lower betas of 3 and 4 before. So I wish it was just me being a freak rather than me getting "this" close (imagine me holding my two fingers very close together... but apparently freak wins out. Queen of chemical pregnancies - wish that title came with free fertility meds and unlimited u/s. Alas it doesn't.
So - they'll get aggressive Sami rather than laid back one... ahh the horror!!! I haven't decided yet if the hpt's are going to go back in the proverbial closet or if we're just going to do a beta test... votes?
Off to work... running late... bad sami... bad sami...
Official Number
No one put their bets in... I believe my guess was less than 9. It was.
Drumroll please....
5
Yep - you heard it 5. So now I wait for that phone call from the RE's office where they say "I'm sorry, but the number went down" God I hope I don't get the wide eyed innocent nurse... seriously... I'd probably eat her alive, because truthfully this was at least concrete. Crappy beta at the beginning even crappier beta 48 hours later... lets call it a new cycle. Go talk to my doctor and double check that he's a-okay for us to use a boatload of money and he can get us knocked up again next month - but next month our request is not for a teaser.
This was a teaser... and boy am I wishing I would have spent my high school years as a tease. No I wasn't a sure thing, but I wasn't a tease. I'm apparently getting some payback for not being a tease in my adulthood. Ah well what you going to do. Keep putting one foot in front of the other...
Off to bed... will update if I get up early enough. Only 2 more nights then I'm off for a while woohoo!
Drumroll please....
5
Yep - you heard it 5. So now I wait for that phone call from the RE's office where they say "I'm sorry, but the number went down" God I hope I don't get the wide eyed innocent nurse... seriously... I'd probably eat her alive, because truthfully this was at least concrete. Crappy beta at the beginning even crappier beta 48 hours later... lets call it a new cycle. Go talk to my doctor and double check that he's a-okay for us to use a boatload of money and he can get us knocked up again next month - but next month our request is not for a teaser.
This was a teaser... and boy am I wishing I would have spent my high school years as a tease. No I wasn't a sure thing, but I wasn't a tease. I'm apparently getting some payback for not being a tease in my adulthood. Ah well what you going to do. Keep putting one foot in front of the other...
Off to bed... will update if I get up early enough. Only 2 more nights then I'm off for a while woohoo!
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Well We Were Right...
I don't know the exact numbers - will post them tomorrow morning after I know for sure. However after much weedling, begging, describing exactly what a PIO shot is to the poor lab tech I know that the number is less than 12... so it didn't double. By how much - I don't know, but my guess it's less than 10. Want to know why I think that... the hpt fairy landed at my house... digital test - negative, equate negative (seriously I let it dry I could then maybe... maybe see a faint hint of a pink line but boy it was a stretch) so my true guess would be less than 9.
We - meaning D and I have decided to skip the PIO at this point and let this end the way we knew it would... I sure hope I don't get the "wide eyed innocent nurse" Give me the nurse that has some backbone... the one who says Dr. Y is letting you cycle again because he knows the two of you are like rabbits and apparently can't abstain to save your life... (okay to save our lives yes, but for a chemical pregnancy not so much).
On the bright side - the PIO worked wonderfully for my luteal phase - no spotting, no sore boobs, no sore bum, no bruises, and well I had no side effects from it that I noticed. Yes - you guys can all hate me. I'm weird. We know this. So we'll keep that up whether we do a medicated or natural cycle... and just hope for the best.
So tomorrow - actual numbers, and update on the scat strip.
We - meaning D and I have decided to skip the PIO at this point and let this end the way we knew it would... I sure hope I don't get the "wide eyed innocent nurse" Give me the nurse that has some backbone... the one who says Dr. Y is letting you cycle again because he knows the two of you are like rabbits and apparently can't abstain to save your life... (okay to save our lives yes, but for a chemical pregnancy not so much).
On the bright side - the PIO worked wonderfully for my luteal phase - no spotting, no sore boobs, no sore bum, no bruises, and well I had no side effects from it that I noticed. Yes - you guys can all hate me. I'm weird. We know this. So we'll keep that up whether we do a medicated or natural cycle... and just hope for the best.
So tomorrow - actual numbers, and update on the scat strip.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Whooping Cough?
I know I whined in my previous post about the pertussis vaccine... in actually I got a tetanus, diptheria, pertussis vaccine... I think that's all of it. I hate getting vaccines... I now remember why babies are so cranky after getting vaccinated. I have a knot in my deltoid as well as a small bright pink/red color spot... and of course warm to the touch. This is a much better response than my first and only flu shot which involved a large red circle about the size of a fist on my upper arm. It was definitely ugly. The docs I worked with at the time advised to NEVER get another flu shot again. I haven't.
Did everyone know that pertussis is on the rise? No? Well it is. So if you're 2 years past your last tetanus shot - go get immunized against a nasty bug called pertussis and on the upside it vaccinates against tetanus and diptheria as well.
Some commenters had some questions/comments etc.
DD - fortunately my clinic has not said "well at least we know you can get pregnant" I'm pretty sure that the nurses realize on some level that if they said that to me they would probably get a response that they are NOT willing to see. As for Belle - I can envision her reigning like a queen in her afterlife directing dogs to go somewhere other than in her area.
Dino - thanks for the heads up on the uhmm poor editing on my part that included hubbies name. I believe it's edited correctly now.
Kath - I'd like my mystery to be solved as well. This time even though I "tried" to be detached from it all... I did know what my lining and the egg sizes were just not the E2... and well to be blunt I think i should have stimmed for a few days longer. Darn nurses. Just my thoughts on the matter and I'm sure I'll mention it to them the next time I see them.
Eve - It depends on the lab that you have it drawn it and the doctor's office of course. I have been notorious for having low betas.
So yeah uhmm the 6 I'm sure will either go up or go down. I am pretty much confident that it has gone down. This is my classic teaser. Get your hopes up for 2 seconds then not so much.
When D heard this news that they wanted me to keep the pio up he goes "Are they out of their minds that's a sh*tty beta!" Now if my husband also pointed out "You're not drinking lemonade like it's going out of style, I'm pretty sure this one is tit's up." I just laughed and said yep you're right. Because the ones with great betas or even halfway decent ones I've started drinking lemonade and a lot of it. Same goes with water. This time - nada. I'm hopeful that I can weasel the results out of a lab tech this morning rather than waiting for Monday and getting them from med records. A girl can dream. So hopefully I may know tomorrow the answer for sure.
Don't worry - we truly are fine. Knowing what I know - yes, it's frustrating, but it hasn't made me want to stop the journey. My biggest hope is that they let me just do the injectable cycle because truthfully that whole waiting crap is ridiculous and well it's just not going to happen. If I dont' do an injectable cycle then we'll just do the PIO after O. Either way we're trying again.
Did everyone know that pertussis is on the rise? No? Well it is. So if you're 2 years past your last tetanus shot - go get immunized against a nasty bug called pertussis and on the upside it vaccinates against tetanus and diptheria as well.
Some commenters had some questions/comments etc.
DD - fortunately my clinic has not said "well at least we know you can get pregnant" I'm pretty sure that the nurses realize on some level that if they said that to me they would probably get a response that they are NOT willing to see. As for Belle - I can envision her reigning like a queen in her afterlife directing dogs to go somewhere other than in her area.
Dino - thanks for the heads up on the uhmm poor editing on my part that included hubbies name. I believe it's edited correctly now.
Kath - I'd like my mystery to be solved as well. This time even though I "tried" to be detached from it all... I did know what my lining and the egg sizes were just not the E2... and well to be blunt I think i should have stimmed for a few days longer. Darn nurses. Just my thoughts on the matter and I'm sure I'll mention it to them the next time I see them.
Eve - It depends on the lab that you have it drawn it and the doctor's office of course. I have been notorious for having low betas.
So yeah uhmm the 6 I'm sure will either go up or go down. I am pretty much confident that it has gone down. This is my classic teaser. Get your hopes up for 2 seconds then not so much.
When D heard this news that they wanted me to keep the pio up he goes "Are they out of their minds that's a sh*tty beta!" Now if my husband also pointed out "You're not drinking lemonade like it's going out of style, I'm pretty sure this one is tit's up." I just laughed and said yep you're right. Because the ones with great betas or even halfway decent ones I've started drinking lemonade and a lot of it. Same goes with water. This time - nada. I'm hopeful that I can weasel the results out of a lab tech this morning rather than waiting for Monday and getting them from med records. A girl can dream. So hopefully I may know tomorrow the answer for sure.
Don't worry - we truly are fine. Knowing what I know - yes, it's frustrating, but it hasn't made me want to stop the journey. My biggest hope is that they let me just do the injectable cycle because truthfully that whole waiting crap is ridiculous and well it's just not going to happen. If I dont' do an injectable cycle then we'll just do the PIO after O. Either way we're trying again.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Number 9... Boy am I pathetic...
Okay first - we're going to tell a story to hopefully cause laughter... probably will also cause horror, but laughter as well.
My geriatric cat Belle (she was 18 or so) died about a week or so ago at my mother's house. This prompted a crying phone call from my mom who kept saying "I don't know why I'm crying she was your cat." I said of course "it was her time to go." Belle had been having seizures periodically, made an "umph" noise whenever she got off her chair, and was still "happy" whenever anyone sat next to her in her chair. She'd pet you with her paws. My mom spent the last two years walking past Belle and periodically saying "Belle are you alive?" Then Lola would come bounding wherever Belle was and wake Belle up with a hiss and swat. She was a good swatter keeping all of the dogs in line.
So Belle died. My mom being the independent sort rather than the ask the neighbor to dig a grave for Belle, chose to dig it herself. My mom has asthma. She called me to ask how deep to dig the hole. I said at least 2 feet. Well by the time Mom had dug the hole - Belle was a bit stiff... so she buried Belle standing up. I was a bit horrified. Apparently she pooped out while digging and didn't get the hole wide enough. I told her it'd be okay and we'd rebury Belle when we came to visit. A few days later we get another panicked phone call - tears of course. Belle had been pushed up out of her grave by the woodchucks. Or as D calls them "furry little bas.tards". D suggested reburying Belle and putting some dirty cat litter around and in the grave as they apparently do not like the smell of ammonia. Whatever.
My mom somehow talks to someone and they suggest mixing ammonia and mothballs and throwing down the holes. Again please remember my Mom has asthma... she does this. Mixing it in the house then running to the hole and throwing it down there with an odor coming out of her container. She does and apparently almost immediately 2 woodchucks pop out. Stunned, drunk, overcome by the fumes, whatever. My mom conks them on the head. She then calls D and I... she talks to D of course. D can't stop laughing. Because truly this is only something my mother would do. Most people don't get these types of phone calls... only we do!
Now since conking 2 woodchucks truthfully is not even a dent in the population at my mother's house and land... don't feel sorry for the poor woodchucks... feel sorry for poor Belle who once we go down there next week will be finally given a proper burial where hopefully the woodchucks will leave her poor departed body alone. At least a girl can hope.
Now on to the lab results... it was 6 at 14 dpo. Yes 6. I can't get a straight "negative" to save my life. The RE's office is calling this "a very low positive" Imagine a wide eyed innocent voice blinking at you a few times... yep I got that nurse. I said - yeah yeah yeah I knew the results I had it drawn at 2 a.m and picked them up on my way out of work... so what's the plan. Cut to the chase please. So they would like me to repeat the beta in an even amount of days (not Sunday) (though I could) and continue the PIO until then. Fine... whatever. I'm rolliing my eyes at this moment aren't you? Seriously 6!!!
So this is most likely NOT going to work out... and since I KNOW what my lining was at time of trigger am not surprised at this result at all. On the upside the PIO works fabulously and well I still don't have any complaints about it - no knots on my bum, no bruising (and for me that says D's doing a good job), and no pain at the injection sites. However I did get a tetanus/pertussis booster now that hurts a LOT. So I'm going to go rub my arm... and in D's words they apparently read my chart - as last time I had a low beta of 5 I think they said - stop the progesterone and then 3 days later the beta was 25 and I of course started bleeding and well then we all know how that went... I believe that was number 7. So we shall see. I'm off to nap some more before work. The RE's office rudely interrupted my sleep. Don't they know I work nights?
My geriatric cat Belle (she was 18 or so) died about a week or so ago at my mother's house. This prompted a crying phone call from my mom who kept saying "I don't know why I'm crying she was your cat." I said of course "it was her time to go." Belle had been having seizures periodically, made an "umph" noise whenever she got off her chair, and was still "happy" whenever anyone sat next to her in her chair. She'd pet you with her paws. My mom spent the last two years walking past Belle and periodically saying "Belle are you alive?" Then Lola would come bounding wherever Belle was and wake Belle up with a hiss and swat. She was a good swatter keeping all of the dogs in line.
So Belle died. My mom being the independent sort rather than the ask the neighbor to dig a grave for Belle, chose to dig it herself. My mom has asthma. She called me to ask how deep to dig the hole. I said at least 2 feet. Well by the time Mom had dug the hole - Belle was a bit stiff... so she buried Belle standing up. I was a bit horrified. Apparently she pooped out while digging and didn't get the hole wide enough. I told her it'd be okay and we'd rebury Belle when we came to visit. A few days later we get another panicked phone call - tears of course. Belle had been pushed up out of her grave by the woodchucks. Or as D calls them "furry little bas.tards". D suggested reburying Belle and putting some dirty cat litter around and in the grave as they apparently do not like the smell of ammonia. Whatever.
My mom somehow talks to someone and they suggest mixing ammonia and mothballs and throwing down the holes. Again please remember my Mom has asthma... she does this. Mixing it in the house then running to the hole and throwing it down there with an odor coming out of her container. She does and apparently almost immediately 2 woodchucks pop out. Stunned, drunk, overcome by the fumes, whatever. My mom conks them on the head. She then calls D and I... she talks to D of course. D can't stop laughing. Because truly this is only something my mother would do. Most people don't get these types of phone calls... only we do!
Now since conking 2 woodchucks truthfully is not even a dent in the population at my mother's house and land... don't feel sorry for the poor woodchucks... feel sorry for poor Belle who once we go down there next week will be finally given a proper burial where hopefully the woodchucks will leave her poor departed body alone. At least a girl can hope.
Now on to the lab results... it was 6 at 14 dpo. Yes 6. I can't get a straight "negative" to save my life. The RE's office is calling this "a very low positive" Imagine a wide eyed innocent voice blinking at you a few times... yep I got that nurse. I said - yeah yeah yeah I knew the results I had it drawn at 2 a.m and picked them up on my way out of work... so what's the plan. Cut to the chase please. So they would like me to repeat the beta in an even amount of days (not Sunday) (though I could) and continue the PIO until then. Fine... whatever. I'm rolliing my eyes at this moment aren't you? Seriously 6!!!
So this is most likely NOT going to work out... and since I KNOW what my lining was at time of trigger am not surprised at this result at all. On the upside the PIO works fabulously and well I still don't have any complaints about it - no knots on my bum, no bruising (and for me that says D's doing a good job), and no pain at the injection sites. However I did get a tetanus/pertussis booster now that hurts a LOT. So I'm going to go rub my arm... and in D's words they apparently read my chart - as last time I had a low beta of 5 I think they said - stop the progesterone and then 3 days later the beta was 25 and I of course started bleeding and well then we all know how that went... I believe that was number 7. So we shall see. I'm off to nap some more before work. The RE's office rudely interrupted my sleep. Don't they know I work nights?
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Of Mice and well.. peppermint?
So... did I mention we seem to have a bit of problem with mice... No?
Well... we do. To be more specific our attic does. So since the humane traps, the clap traps, the poison weren't doing the trick and every so often I was hearing the scurry of little feet in my ceiling I googled... and found peppermint oil. So now my house smells like peppermint and D was not thrilled about going into the attic again, but did... and found that the poison had been eaten completely and that there was one dead mouse. One? Seriously one? Okay well whatever. So peppermint, poison, and dryer sheets are now circulating in my attic.
On the bright side apparently peppermint oil is a natural spider deterrwnt and well we have spiders as well.
Hopefully it works... we'd send Lola up there to take care of the varmints, but blown insulation and a miniature dachshund just is not something I want to mix...add in that I doubt she'd come when called and you see our dilemma.
On the bright side - my house smells like peppermint - who needs creamy nutmeg wall flowers? Apparently not I anymore.
On an even more comical note... or at least if you're into irony. D's prescription drug coverage stinks... well it's a bit different than the old coverage. I loved the old coverage. It covered my gonal-f habit without blinking. This one won't. However it does cover the progesterone in oil... but not the syringes and needles. Yes - the insurance wants me to magically inject it. So since it covered the one and it says "We don't cover injectable medicines other than insulin" on the phone. Yet their pamphlet also listed off a couple of other drugs heparin, lovenox, fragmin as being "formulary" drugs I decided what the heck. I called and asked for a clarification. Oh yes and it also covers depo-provera, but again no syringe, no needles. Cute huh. Apparently D's city that he works for the policy actually did not mark the "No injectables" coverage. It also didn't fill out a formulary - cover drug, not cover drug. All it has listed is the copays of generic, brand, and non-formulary. In my mind that should equate to gonal-f covered. We'll see what tomorrow brings. I think I made the poor insurance girls head spin a few times by throwing such terms as progesterone in oil, gonal-f, and ovidrel in the same breath. I may have also mentioned clomid you cover? Seriously - give me a break or something along those lines.
Will keep you posted. Back to work tomorrow.
Well... we do. To be more specific our attic does. So since the humane traps, the clap traps, the poison weren't doing the trick and every so often I was hearing the scurry of little feet in my ceiling I googled... and found peppermint oil. So now my house smells like peppermint and D was not thrilled about going into the attic again, but did... and found that the poison had been eaten completely and that there was one dead mouse. One? Seriously one? Okay well whatever. So peppermint, poison, and dryer sheets are now circulating in my attic.
On the bright side apparently peppermint oil is a natural spider deterrwnt and well we have spiders as well.
Hopefully it works... we'd send Lola up there to take care of the varmints, but blown insulation and a miniature dachshund just is not something I want to mix...add in that I doubt she'd come when called and you see our dilemma.
On the bright side - my house smells like peppermint - who needs creamy nutmeg wall flowers? Apparently not I anymore.
On an even more comical note... or at least if you're into irony. D's prescription drug coverage stinks... well it's a bit different than the old coverage. I loved the old coverage. It covered my gonal-f habit without blinking. This one won't. However it does cover the progesterone in oil... but not the syringes and needles. Yes - the insurance wants me to magically inject it. So since it covered the one and it says "We don't cover injectable medicines other than insulin" on the phone. Yet their pamphlet also listed off a couple of other drugs heparin, lovenox, fragmin as being "formulary" drugs I decided what the heck. I called and asked for a clarification. Oh yes and it also covers depo-provera, but again no syringe, no needles. Cute huh. Apparently D's city that he works for the policy actually did not mark the "No injectables" coverage. It also didn't fill out a formulary - cover drug, not cover drug. All it has listed is the copays of generic, brand, and non-formulary. In my mind that should equate to gonal-f covered. We'll see what tomorrow brings. I think I made the poor insurance girls head spin a few times by throwing such terms as progesterone in oil, gonal-f, and ovidrel in the same breath. I may have also mentioned clomid you cover? Seriously - give me a break or something along those lines.
Will keep you posted. Back to work tomorrow.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Solution Maybe?
Trying to come up with a way to outsmart the smart dog is always fun. Ernie is smart. He's learned to open doors - no we didn't teach him. He's learned how to be a stealth dog in spite of our efforts to make the big guy sound like a big guy.
I'm anti - shock collars. I swore we wouldn't get one and we haven't. I realize that our dog is just being a dog. Even if he is showing a huge lack of manners I don't think the solution is an electric jolt. Besides - we'd actually have to see him do it. Which is a big issue since he's come up with even more creative ways to sneak.
So an anti - jump harness wouldn't do us any good since his nose touches the counter.
What's the solution??? Well our solution was to buy a Scat Mat Strip on ebay. We had talked about buying one a year or more ago, however we didn't. Also somehow I have this crazy notion that Ernie needs a companion that is his size... in other words another weimaraner. D is not thrilled with this idea. However he does agree Ernie needs to have somebody he can rough house with that he can play with without fear of hearing "squeak" or "yipe" While Lola and Ernie love one another it'd probably behoove us to at least research some options in regards to a companion for him. This won't be happening anytime soon, it's just a thought. D is well aware that we'd have to think long and hard before jumping into the puppyhood thing again so soon.
So... will keep all of you informed as to how our new product works once it arrives. I think it'll work. I also hope he just doesn't learn a way to get around it. That would truly irritate me. Oh yes and since he and the dachshunds LOVE to try and get into the trash we're trying to figure out a trash can that we could get that they wouldn't get into... any suggestions?
I'm anti - shock collars. I swore we wouldn't get one and we haven't. I realize that our dog is just being a dog. Even if he is showing a huge lack of manners I don't think the solution is an electric jolt. Besides - we'd actually have to see him do it. Which is a big issue since he's come up with even more creative ways to sneak.
So an anti - jump harness wouldn't do us any good since his nose touches the counter.
What's the solution??? Well our solution was to buy a Scat Mat Strip on ebay. We had talked about buying one a year or more ago, however we didn't. Also somehow I have this crazy notion that Ernie needs a companion that is his size... in other words another weimaraner. D is not thrilled with this idea. However he does agree Ernie needs to have somebody he can rough house with that he can play with without fear of hearing "squeak" or "yipe" While Lola and Ernie love one another it'd probably behoove us to at least research some options in regards to a companion for him. This won't be happening anytime soon, it's just a thought. D is well aware that we'd have to think long and hard before jumping into the puppyhood thing again so soon.
So... will keep all of you informed as to how our new product works once it arrives. I think it'll work. I also hope he just doesn't learn a way to get around it. That would truly irritate me. Oh yes and since he and the dachshunds LOVE to try and get into the trash we're trying to figure out a trash can that we could get that they wouldn't get into... any suggestions?
Thursday, August 10, 2006
A thief... A turkey burger thief!
I would hope that everyone knows now that I love my dogs. They're great 99% of the time. However there is that 1% of the time that truthfully I'd like to send them to their kennels and get them back well mannered and well behaved.
Tuesday night D grilled turkey burgers. I love turkey burgers as someone who really doesn't eat a lot of meat this is something that D knows I will eat. He of course made them when I was at work so I didn't get to taste them on Tuesday. Last night I went to get my turkey burger and toppings and the phone rang. By the time I came back from grabbing the phone - Ernie (our weimaraner) had stood on his hind legs, nosed the container off the counter and popped the lid spilling 3 or 4 turkey burgers onto the floor and 3 dogs had a feast. I was gone less than 2 minutes. Ernie promptly spit 3 out. The two dachshunds Lola and Chance were fighting over another burger. The scream and expletives I uttered made them scatter. I yelled at Ernie to get in his kennel - after opening the door to the basement. He ran down the stairs and into his kennel. No complaint, laid down. I closed the door.
I don't generally use the kennel as punishment, but I was so furious. I had woken up and was hungry and good lord those were MY turkey burgers. And they were all ruined. The dachshunds I had to fight to get them out of their grubby little mouths and threw the rest of the debris into the trash.
I called D and left a message on his voice mail. Something along the lines of YOUR dog were uttered. A few hours later I let Ernie out of his kennel. He was appropriately apologetic. He did not throw a fit while in his kennel - which he usually does.
So anyone have any suggestions as to what to do with our turkey burger, counter surfer theif of a dog. Would love to hear your suggestions.
As for my cycle - the PIO is going smoothly. D is a great shooter. We've come up with our own little routine. I draw it up, D warms it up with his hands, turns on the heating pad. I lay down on the bed, show him his landmark. D gives no warning whatsoever (no clue as to why he doesn't say 1-2-3, but whatever. We're done. Massage the area a bit, heating pad and life is beautiful. So far no complaints in regards to this. I did have some EMLA around just in case, but it's been unnecessary so I'll save it for if and when they get to be an issue, but so far so good. Granted we're only on day 6, but hey that's 6 days that I can't complain about right? I'm not obsessing, I figure it's probably not going to work, since well most of our cycles every other is when we end up pregnant. This would be the one we wouldn't. We'll see in a week or so.
Tuesday night D grilled turkey burgers. I love turkey burgers as someone who really doesn't eat a lot of meat this is something that D knows I will eat. He of course made them when I was at work so I didn't get to taste them on Tuesday. Last night I went to get my turkey burger and toppings and the phone rang. By the time I came back from grabbing the phone - Ernie (our weimaraner) had stood on his hind legs, nosed the container off the counter and popped the lid spilling 3 or 4 turkey burgers onto the floor and 3 dogs had a feast. I was gone less than 2 minutes. Ernie promptly spit 3 out. The two dachshunds Lola and Chance were fighting over another burger. The scream and expletives I uttered made them scatter. I yelled at Ernie to get in his kennel - after opening the door to the basement. He ran down the stairs and into his kennel. No complaint, laid down. I closed the door.
I don't generally use the kennel as punishment, but I was so furious. I had woken up and was hungry and good lord those were MY turkey burgers. And they were all ruined. The dachshunds I had to fight to get them out of their grubby little mouths and threw the rest of the debris into the trash.
I called D and left a message on his voice mail. Something along the lines of YOUR dog were uttered. A few hours later I let Ernie out of his kennel. He was appropriately apologetic. He did not throw a fit while in his kennel - which he usually does.
So anyone have any suggestions as to what to do with our turkey burger, counter surfer theif of a dog. Would love to hear your suggestions.
As for my cycle - the PIO is going smoothly. D is a great shooter. We've come up with our own little routine. I draw it up, D warms it up with his hands, turns on the heating pad. I lay down on the bed, show him his landmark. D gives no warning whatsoever (no clue as to why he doesn't say 1-2-3, but whatever. We're done. Massage the area a bit, heating pad and life is beautiful. So far no complaints in regards to this. I did have some EMLA around just in case, but it's been unnecessary so I'll save it for if and when they get to be an issue, but so far so good. Granted we're only on day 6, but hey that's 6 days that I can't complain about right? I'm not obsessing, I figure it's probably not going to work, since well most of our cycles every other is when we end up pregnant. This would be the one we wouldn't. We'll see in a week or so.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Trigger Happy...
So... as the post is titled it appears we will be triggering tonight. PIO starts on Saturday. D is not looking forward to this, but I KNOW he's up to the challenge. I had a coworker offer to do them if she lived closer - she doesn't and it's not a big deal to have D do the shots.. I figure since he hasn't done the gonal-f this cycle he can do the PIO for me. He fortunately agrees. As long as I do the measuring and take the needle cap off as well and of course mark the spot that he's supposed to inject. I guess the only thing I don't do is actually insert the needle.
Anyways - I'm being very lacksadaisical about all this... I don't know what my lining is, I know I have 3 follicles that they measured, have no idea what my E2 was and well... that's just weird for me. I have the paperwork for a beta and I can choose the day as long as it's after the 15th. I'm not sure when I'll actually do it. I guess it depends on when I'm at work.
So that's my news. Talk about a change from the cycles before. I hope this bodes well for this one. I've had some minor panic attacks as I'm not positive D's insurance will cover gonal-f and I'm wishing I had stockpiled more gonal-f from the other insurance company. D's prescription coverage told me I wasn't covered and then come to find out they had me listed under the incorrect name. Which made both D and I slightly balistic because WE filled out the paperwork and know that the incorrect name was never put on the paperwork. Such a pain switching insurance companies. Also such a pain when they mix and match prescription and health coverage. Ah well what are you gonna do?
If this cycle doesn't work looks like I may have to pick up extra. Or I may be pimping my husband out so that I can of course feed my gonal-f addiction.
Such is life right?
Anyways - I'm being very lacksadaisical about all this... I don't know what my lining is, I know I have 3 follicles that they measured, have no idea what my E2 was and well... that's just weird for me. I have the paperwork for a beta and I can choose the day as long as it's after the 15th. I'm not sure when I'll actually do it. I guess it depends on when I'm at work.
So that's my news. Talk about a change from the cycles before. I hope this bodes well for this one. I've had some minor panic attacks as I'm not positive D's insurance will cover gonal-f and I'm wishing I had stockpiled more gonal-f from the other insurance company. D's prescription coverage told me I wasn't covered and then come to find out they had me listed under the incorrect name. Which made both D and I slightly balistic because WE filled out the paperwork and know that the incorrect name was never put on the paperwork. Such a pain switching insurance companies. Also such a pain when they mix and match prescription and health coverage. Ah well what are you gonna do?
If this cycle doesn't work looks like I may have to pick up extra. Or I may be pimping my husband out so that I can of course feed my gonal-f addiction.
Such is life right?
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Is This Really Me?
Well first I need to post about my three days of work...
Sedations are interesting - I'm not sure I'd want to do that job on a daily basis. Granted it's nice making kids go "night night", but it's also generally for things like a bone scan or CT or biopsies to find tumors and well - that's just not something I'd want to do on a constant basis. Generally if a kid is being sedated for a procedure or test it's because something is wrong. These parents are frantic, want results and well I can't give them those - because I'm not a doctor and well the techs don't tell us a thing most times.
I also took care (during my two night shifts) some end of life care. Right now I'm kind of whipped physically and emotionally to even tackle what this means or how this works... bottom line it's more about keeping the patient comfortable and helping the family navigate through this awful time. I think I did a pretty good job. I hope I gave her the support she needed.
So - after hoping to get out of work on time. I didn't. I was running late - speeding to my u/s appt. I fortunately was only 5 minutes late, but still one hates running late. I also changed in my car from my sweaty scrubs to something more office appropriate. I was quite pleasantly surprised at how different the RE's office is on the weekends, a bit more relaxed. I got to my room after having blood drawn and got my pants off (the person doing the wanding knocked and I yelled - one second!) It was my RE. I kind of blinked a few times, as well the only time I've had an u/s with the good doctor was during bad news weeks.
Now at the time of those u/s I was really too wound up about the results or impending results that I didn't notice technique or anything. Let me just say - he's a good wander. I was surprised since well.. as one friend said "never trust someone without a uterus". (This was said in regards to them saying it won't hurt, when talking about office procedures, tests, etc) He was quick, didn't have to search for anything, measured quickly then said "I'll meet you in the hallway." Again - color me shocked but okay. Usually the well u/s takes longer because an ovary decides to hide or whatever. So we met in the hallway then in a consult room and changed my meds around (I'm responding well, but he wants to bump up thing so we can get the few good eggs rather than 1 good egg) and I know if he wouldn't have been the one doing the wanding that I probably wouldn't have had a dose change, but continued on on my doseage previously. He wasn't even waiting for the estrodial results. Said - see you on Tuesday.
Then - we chatted. It was weird, but a good weird. He expressed his frustration with residents... have I mentioned that July sucks in regards to residents... it's when all the new ones show up. It's a well frustrating time to say the least. I utter the words "I hate July!" multiple times while working because yes - they're new, yes- they're inexperienced and well yes - they feel the need to ask their senior everything! And if their senior is a fairly new senior they then ask the attending. So something that if I had asked the attending would have been accomplished right away - takes about an hour with the new crop so to speak. It makes you want to poke your eyes out with hot skewers. We talked of summer, and of an office party they were having soon and it was nice. It was weird, but it was nice. It reminded me of why I felt "comfortable" when we first met, and why D is so "comfortable" with the good doctor.
So now to the "Is it really me" part of all this. I didn't ask for the measurements of any follicles, I did see my lining was 5.3, but truthfully didn't care. Didn't need to know. I didn't ask for my E2 levels and truthfully don't need to know. I guess I finally have just said - I'm paying a lot of money to do this... lets let them do their job. It's definitely a change, but I'm glad that so far I'm going with the flow and just trying to be zen about all of this.
Maybe it's the change in jobs... maybe it's just finding that I truly trust my RE to make the best choices... I don't know, but I don't think it's a bad thing. Maybe it's the new me.
Oh and we talked about "difficult" patients. I'm fortunately not one of them... at least I don't think so or I'm not yet.
Sedations are interesting - I'm not sure I'd want to do that job on a daily basis. Granted it's nice making kids go "night night", but it's also generally for things like a bone scan or CT or biopsies to find tumors and well - that's just not something I'd want to do on a constant basis. Generally if a kid is being sedated for a procedure or test it's because something is wrong. These parents are frantic, want results and well I can't give them those - because I'm not a doctor and well the techs don't tell us a thing most times.
I also took care (during my two night shifts) some end of life care. Right now I'm kind of whipped physically and emotionally to even tackle what this means or how this works... bottom line it's more about keeping the patient comfortable and helping the family navigate through this awful time. I think I did a pretty good job. I hope I gave her the support she needed.
So - after hoping to get out of work on time. I didn't. I was running late - speeding to my u/s appt. I fortunately was only 5 minutes late, but still one hates running late. I also changed in my car from my sweaty scrubs to something more office appropriate. I was quite pleasantly surprised at how different the RE's office is on the weekends, a bit more relaxed. I got to my room after having blood drawn and got my pants off (the person doing the wanding knocked and I yelled - one second!) It was my RE. I kind of blinked a few times, as well the only time I've had an u/s with the good doctor was during bad news weeks.
Now at the time of those u/s I was really too wound up about the results or impending results that I didn't notice technique or anything. Let me just say - he's a good wander. I was surprised since well.. as one friend said "never trust someone without a uterus". (This was said in regards to them saying it won't hurt, when talking about office procedures, tests, etc) He was quick, didn't have to search for anything, measured quickly then said "I'll meet you in the hallway." Again - color me shocked but okay. Usually the well u/s takes longer because an ovary decides to hide or whatever. So we met in the hallway then in a consult room and changed my meds around (I'm responding well, but he wants to bump up thing so we can get the few good eggs rather than 1 good egg) and I know if he wouldn't have been the one doing the wanding that I probably wouldn't have had a dose change, but continued on on my doseage previously. He wasn't even waiting for the estrodial results. Said - see you on Tuesday.
Then - we chatted. It was weird, but a good weird. He expressed his frustration with residents... have I mentioned that July sucks in regards to residents... it's when all the new ones show up. It's a well frustrating time to say the least. I utter the words "I hate July!" multiple times while working because yes - they're new, yes- they're inexperienced and well yes - they feel the need to ask their senior everything! And if their senior is a fairly new senior they then ask the attending. So something that if I had asked the attending would have been accomplished right away - takes about an hour with the new crop so to speak. It makes you want to poke your eyes out with hot skewers. We talked of summer, and of an office party they were having soon and it was nice. It was weird, but it was nice. It reminded me of why I felt "comfortable" when we first met, and why D is so "comfortable" with the good doctor.
So now to the "Is it really me" part of all this. I didn't ask for the measurements of any follicles, I did see my lining was 5.3, but truthfully didn't care. Didn't need to know. I didn't ask for my E2 levels and truthfully don't need to know. I guess I finally have just said - I'm paying a lot of money to do this... lets let them do their job. It's definitely a change, but I'm glad that so far I'm going with the flow and just trying to be zen about all of this.
Maybe it's the change in jobs... maybe it's just finding that I truly trust my RE to make the best choices... I don't know, but I don't think it's a bad thing. Maybe it's the new me.
Oh and we talked about "difficult" patients. I'm fortunately not one of them... at least I don't think so or I'm not yet.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
2 pm?
Why won't my dogs sleep later than 2 pm? I blame my husband. He got them on this schedule. Now that he's working 10 hour nights he's not so thrilled with it. I don't blame him, I haven't been thrilled with it for well over a year. So now... how do we fix it? For those of you that work days imagine your normal wake up time was 7 a.m. and your dogs suddenly started waking you up at 5 a.m. Not good.
We haven't figured that one out yet. For D this means he gets 9 hours sleep. For me it means I get 6 hours sleep. It just doesn't seem fair does it. Its the two younger ones that are the source of this early wake up. The geriatric dog of the bunch is all about sleeping in. Thank God.
So I guess this is what adjustment means... adjusting to living together. Adjusting the dogs to our new schedules. Hopefully it will mean that this will eventually work out itself. Otherwise we may need to invest in some puppy sleeping pills.
Fortunately I do love my dogs 99.9% of the time. It's just that early wake up call I really hate.
We haven't figured that one out yet. For D this means he gets 9 hours sleep. For me it means I get 6 hours sleep. It just doesn't seem fair does it. Its the two younger ones that are the source of this early wake up. The geriatric dog of the bunch is all about sleeping in. Thank God.
So I guess this is what adjustment means... adjusting to living together. Adjusting the dogs to our new schedules. Hopefully it will mean that this will eventually work out itself. Otherwise we may need to invest in some puppy sleeping pills.
Fortunately I do love my dogs 99.9% of the time. It's just that early wake up call I really hate.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
She's Definitely Gotten Bigger
Today has found us going to the dentist (both of us) and taking our youngest pup to the vet for shots.
So lets see stat wise... for the two adults - for me root canal retreatment given a permanent filling... for D - nothing done - watch and wait.
For the little girl of the group - Lola weighed in at an impressive 8.2 lbs. Yes. 8.2 lbs. This is 4 times the weight that she was when we first got her. She was 2.3 lbs when we first got her at 6 weeks of age. So she may be under 10 lbs, but she certainly packs a wallop when she jumps. She's our flying squirrel.
Well the little flying squirrel had to get 3 shots. She of course was a bit of a drama queen about the whole thing. We decided to hold off on microchipping her at this time since we have decided to vaccinate both her and Ernie will be vaccinated against Lyme disease. With the amount of ticks we've been dealing with - our vet thinks this is a good idea. I tend to agree. Chance will not be vaccinated as he has had some nasty allergic reactions to two vaccines. Since he's the one that spends the least amount of time outside or even playing outdoors and combined with his age it makes sense to not vaccinate him at this time.
So... we'll be going back to the vet in a few weeks to get the two younger ones started on the lyme disease vaccines... Lola I'm sure will be thrilled. Ernie - of course will be delighted as he has a crush on the vet. She calls him a big beautiful boy and he turns into a lush and just stares at her...
So tomorrow finds me working days... D is driving 3 hours to spend 30 minutes at court then driving 3 hours back to go to work tomorrow night. Yes - 6 hours driving for 30 minutes of work for a civil case. Can we all say - this is bunk. What a joke.
So lets see stat wise... for the two adults - for me root canal retreatment given a permanent filling... for D - nothing done - watch and wait.
For the little girl of the group - Lola weighed in at an impressive 8.2 lbs. Yes. 8.2 lbs. This is 4 times the weight that she was when we first got her. She was 2.3 lbs when we first got her at 6 weeks of age. So she may be under 10 lbs, but she certainly packs a wallop when she jumps. She's our flying squirrel.
Well the little flying squirrel had to get 3 shots. She of course was a bit of a drama queen about the whole thing. We decided to hold off on microchipping her at this time since we have decided to vaccinate both her and Ernie will be vaccinated against Lyme disease. With the amount of ticks we've been dealing with - our vet thinks this is a good idea. I tend to agree. Chance will not be vaccinated as he has had some nasty allergic reactions to two vaccines. Since he's the one that spends the least amount of time outside or even playing outdoors and combined with his age it makes sense to not vaccinate him at this time.
So... we'll be going back to the vet in a few weeks to get the two younger ones started on the lyme disease vaccines... Lola I'm sure will be thrilled. Ernie - of course will be delighted as he has a crush on the vet. She calls him a big beautiful boy and he turns into a lush and just stares at her...
So tomorrow finds me working days... D is driving 3 hours to spend 30 minutes at court then driving 3 hours back to go to work tomorrow night. Yes - 6 hours driving for 30 minutes of work for a civil case. Can we all say - this is bunk. What a joke.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Escape From Reality
About a month ago I briefly mentioned I was waiting not so patiently for a book to come out... someone asked and I forgot to mention what the book was or even who the author was.
Anyways... so that all of you will know how weird I am... I'm going to make a list of authors that I read fairly regularly and how I classify them.
Johanna Lindsey - trashy historical romance novels. She was my first smut novel when I was in 8th grade. The novel that will always be my favorite - A Gentle Rogue... I have a thing for pirates. I think that her newest novel was what I was waiting to come out. Which if you click the link will take you to it. I bought it right before the d & c... literally. Not sure why we thought going and buying books was a good thing to do before hand, but well...
Julie Garwood - trashy historical and fbi thrillers (don't ask I have no idea why she decided to diversify, but I still like her)
Catherine Coulter - again historical romance novels and I have most of her books
Julia Quinn - historical romance - the Bridgerton series is fabulous... I can only imagine what she has up her sleeve next.
Lori Foster - very good modern romance - that has some sizzle to it...
Eloisa James historical romance - since my above favorite authors were not writing quickly enough I had to branch out... and I stumbled upon her and love her.
Susan Elizabeth Phillips romance - mostly modern day
Jane Green Jemima J - loved it as at the time when I was reading it felt fat and frumpy and I loved that she came out on top. It made me feel better about myself... and recognize some unhealthy habits that I had.
Jennifer Weiner Good In Bed was the first book of hers that I read and loved... again larger girl coming out on top... Little Earthquakes made me cry in a good way... all of her books I have loved. I highly recommend her. I'm not even sure how to describe her other than fiction, but oh so very good.
Lurlene McDaniels It all started with the Dawn Rochelle series... and I was hooked. I started reading her when I was probably 9. She writes stories for youth about real life things - diabetes, cancer, car accidents, alcoholism, abuse, AIDS, etc that are both inspirational and heart breaking. Yes, I'm a sap... yes I still read her... and yes I still cry when I read these books.
Laurie Notaro Author of The Idiot Girls Action Adventure Club... and many other short stories that make you almost pee your pants. I think she would be great to have as a real life friend. She made my husband and coworkers laugh almost to the point of peeing their pants. I had guys reading her book at work... it was comical and they loved her. I believe they couldn't even wait for her next book to come out.
Robin Cook medical technihorror is how I've always described him... I began reading him when I was about 11... started with Coma, Outbreak, and Fever... continued reading, but haven't read much of his new stuff in quite a while. I may have to after looking over this list.
Nicholas Sparks The Notebook, The Wedding, A Walk To Remember, Three Weeks With my Brother... lets just say I love them all.
James Patterson Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas, Sam's Letters to Jennifer...I haven't read his thrillers, but he got me with both of those. Loved them... have reread them many times.
The Anne of Green Gables series- I rooted for her and Gilbert Blythe... I've made D watch the whole story including the third movie. I have all of the books.
So uhmm now you know my secret. I'm a book nut. An eclectic book nut...
About a year and a half ago as I prepared to move from my old house to our new house I had packed up my books, and packed up a box of books to take to Goodwill. After weeks of seeing the books that I was giving away I begged D to take the books to Goodwill. D did... I came home from work after a particularly crappy night, jumped in the shower, came out of the shower looked around the room and asked D where my books were. D's response of "Goodwill" sent chills down my spine. D had taken both the "Goodwill" box and the box that was years of collecting... and by years I mean YEARS. These were books I had had since I was probably 9 or 10... I knew I couldn't yell at D for doing what I had told him to do. So I turned, put on my robe, walked out of the bathroom to the office, sat in the chair and rocked back and forth saying over and over... "I can't yell at him, it wasn't his fault..." D became quite frantic since I didn't return to go to bed, realized something was wrong, came running to the office, and said "I am so sorry. We can go to Goodwill and see if we can get them back." So off we went. The nice ladies at Goodwill realizing how upset I was helped us to find the books... we only lost a few. D still feels awful about this incident. He told my sister about it and her response of "OH NO - those are like her best friends.... you had to fix that." Made him cringe, but he did fix it. Even now he strongly adamantly refuses to take books to Goodwill unless I have handed them to him and said these must go. In his words - he never wants to see me look that defeated again.
Some people collect trinkets... I collect books. They're my escape from reality.
Since I can't sleep again - long story... I'm going to go curl up with one right now... and go for some escape from reality.
Now tell me your favorite authors... so I don't feel so odd.
Anyways... so that all of you will know how weird I am... I'm going to make a list of authors that I read fairly regularly and how I classify them.
Johanna Lindsey - trashy historical romance novels. She was my first smut novel when I was in 8th grade. The novel that will always be my favorite - A Gentle Rogue... I have a thing for pirates. I think that her newest novel was what I was waiting to come out. Which if you click the link will take you to it. I bought it right before the d & c... literally. Not sure why we thought going and buying books was a good thing to do before hand, but well...
Julie Garwood - trashy historical and fbi thrillers (don't ask I have no idea why she decided to diversify, but I still like her)
Catherine Coulter - again historical romance novels and I have most of her books
Julia Quinn - historical romance - the Bridgerton series is fabulous... I can only imagine what she has up her sleeve next.
Lori Foster - very good modern romance - that has some sizzle to it...
Eloisa James historical romance - since my above favorite authors were not writing quickly enough I had to branch out... and I stumbled upon her and love her.
Susan Elizabeth Phillips romance - mostly modern day
Jane Green Jemima J - loved it as at the time when I was reading it felt fat and frumpy and I loved that she came out on top. It made me feel better about myself... and recognize some unhealthy habits that I had.
Jennifer Weiner Good In Bed was the first book of hers that I read and loved... again larger girl coming out on top... Little Earthquakes made me cry in a good way... all of her books I have loved. I highly recommend her. I'm not even sure how to describe her other than fiction, but oh so very good.
Lurlene McDaniels It all started with the Dawn Rochelle series... and I was hooked. I started reading her when I was probably 9. She writes stories for youth about real life things - diabetes, cancer, car accidents, alcoholism, abuse, AIDS, etc that are both inspirational and heart breaking. Yes, I'm a sap... yes I still read her... and yes I still cry when I read these books.
Laurie Notaro Author of The Idiot Girls Action Adventure Club... and many other short stories that make you almost pee your pants. I think she would be great to have as a real life friend. She made my husband and coworkers laugh almost to the point of peeing their pants. I had guys reading her book at work... it was comical and they loved her. I believe they couldn't even wait for her next book to come out.
Robin Cook medical technihorror is how I've always described him... I began reading him when I was about 11... started with Coma, Outbreak, and Fever... continued reading, but haven't read much of his new stuff in quite a while. I may have to after looking over this list.
Nicholas Sparks The Notebook, The Wedding, A Walk To Remember, Three Weeks With my Brother... lets just say I love them all.
James Patterson Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas, Sam's Letters to Jennifer...I haven't read his thrillers, but he got me with both of those. Loved them... have reread them many times.
The Anne of Green Gables series- I rooted for her and Gilbert Blythe... I've made D watch the whole story including the third movie. I have all of the books.
So uhmm now you know my secret. I'm a book nut. An eclectic book nut...
About a year and a half ago as I prepared to move from my old house to our new house I had packed up my books, and packed up a box of books to take to Goodwill. After weeks of seeing the books that I was giving away I begged D to take the books to Goodwill. D did... I came home from work after a particularly crappy night, jumped in the shower, came out of the shower looked around the room and asked D where my books were. D's response of "Goodwill" sent chills down my spine. D had taken both the "Goodwill" box and the box that was years of collecting... and by years I mean YEARS. These were books I had had since I was probably 9 or 10... I knew I couldn't yell at D for doing what I had told him to do. So I turned, put on my robe, walked out of the bathroom to the office, sat in the chair and rocked back and forth saying over and over... "I can't yell at him, it wasn't his fault..." D became quite frantic since I didn't return to go to bed, realized something was wrong, came running to the office, and said "I am so sorry. We can go to Goodwill and see if we can get them back." So off we went. The nice ladies at Goodwill realizing how upset I was helped us to find the books... we only lost a few. D still feels awful about this incident. He told my sister about it and her response of "OH NO - those are like her best friends.... you had to fix that." Made him cringe, but he did fix it. Even now he strongly adamantly refuses to take books to Goodwill unless I have handed them to him and said these must go. In his words - he never wants to see me look that defeated again.
Some people collect trinkets... I collect books. They're my escape from reality.
Since I can't sleep again - long story... I'm going to go curl up with one right now... and go for some escape from reality.
Now tell me your favorite authors... so I don't feel so odd.
It's That Time Again...
Not a whole lot to say... today is Sunday and D is off again. I've missed him. Even though I know this is a good thing 10 hour nights vs 8 hour nights - it's hard adjusting. Right now he's being precepted so he doesn't feel he can "call" like he used to. In other words if I call because I'm bored - he doesn't answer. Which generally leads to me throwing the phone down and maybe calling him some names. The events with Ernie over the last few days have led to quite a few of those calls. Not from boredom, but from anger. I think Ernie in spite of my taking him and Lola for walks, letting them play outside, etc is suffering from his own boredom. D thinks we need to find a watering hole that we can take him to so he can get this nervous energy taken care of. I'm inclined to agree. As right now when he goes running off I have to do a tick check everytime he comes in.
So - readers what's your take on advantix vs frontline for killing off ticks and fleas.
I ask this question because... we recently used frontline this month rather than advantix that we normally use. I found a tick on Chance last month that was literally dying as I found it and that was the month we used advantix. This month we used frontline and well I found a tick on Ernie and it wasn't dying. It made me worried that maybe the stuff doesn't work as well as it's supposed to. Thoughts?
Oh yes and cd 2. Enough said. We're back in the saddle again... I'm not sure how I feel about it all... I feel like I'm living my life in two week increments... in 2 weeks I should have ovulated. In two weeks from that time I'll know if this worked or not. I've already decided to let the phone calls go to D's phone, that when they tell me to trigger I'll get the beta bloodwork slips so I won't have to make any phone calls and well... that I won't be having my lab results faxed to me anymore. How's that for losing some control? Oh yes and we will NOT be purchasing any hpt's... so we'll be shooting up and well just having a grand ole time over the next few weeks. On the bright side - the in laws won't be coming for a visit anytime soon... My mother on the other hand will be here next week. Let the games begin.
So - readers what's your take on advantix vs frontline for killing off ticks and fleas.
I ask this question because... we recently used frontline this month rather than advantix that we normally use. I found a tick on Chance last month that was literally dying as I found it and that was the month we used advantix. This month we used frontline and well I found a tick on Ernie and it wasn't dying. It made me worried that maybe the stuff doesn't work as well as it's supposed to. Thoughts?
Oh yes and cd 2. Enough said. We're back in the saddle again... I'm not sure how I feel about it all... I feel like I'm living my life in two week increments... in 2 weeks I should have ovulated. In two weeks from that time I'll know if this worked or not. I've already decided to let the phone calls go to D's phone, that when they tell me to trigger I'll get the beta bloodwork slips so I won't have to make any phone calls and well... that I won't be having my lab results faxed to me anymore. How's that for losing some control? Oh yes and we will NOT be purchasing any hpt's... so we'll be shooting up and well just having a grand ole time over the next few weeks. On the bright side - the in laws won't be coming for a visit anytime soon... My mother on the other hand will be here next week. Let the games begin.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Dogs... Are driving me nuts and eating my cookies!
By now everyone knows I have 3 dogs... right?
Just checking. They take turns as to who is driving me bonkers... today and yesterday it was a toss up by the two youngest ones... In particular the big one- aka Ernie. I HAVE to find a way to keep him off the counters. Last night and tonight he's managed to steal food off of the counter while I was doing something else. The kicker is that he's like stealth dog. I swear he's half human. He's eaten no bake cookies. Okay chocolate is NOT good for dogs. Granted the amount that he's eaten is still safe, but darnit. I wanted the no bake cookies!!!!!! D wanted the no bake cookies!!!!! We both wanted the no bake cookies. Fortunately Ernie did not eat all of the no bake cookies, but he put a significant dent in them.
So if I don't have the two dachshunds acting like houdini dogs and climbing on the counter I have Ernie going onto his hind legs and takiing stuff off the counter and then eating it. Now granted catching the two little dogs on the counter is hillarious as they try and figure out how to get off the counter before I reach them or their father reaches them, but seriously. These dogs are over all pretty well behaved. However all three are motivated by food. Whether they are hungry or not they are all about food.
So suggestions... other than a shock collar of course - because I am adamantly opposed to that. Obedience class... the two older dogs have taken obedience class and passed obedience class... the problem isn't that they're not obedient. It's that they're not obedient when we're not in the room.
Just checking. They take turns as to who is driving me bonkers... today and yesterday it was a toss up by the two youngest ones... In particular the big one- aka Ernie. I HAVE to find a way to keep him off the counters. Last night and tonight he's managed to steal food off of the counter while I was doing something else. The kicker is that he's like stealth dog. I swear he's half human. He's eaten no bake cookies. Okay chocolate is NOT good for dogs. Granted the amount that he's eaten is still safe, but darnit. I wanted the no bake cookies!!!!!! D wanted the no bake cookies!!!!! We both wanted the no bake cookies. Fortunately Ernie did not eat all of the no bake cookies, but he put a significant dent in them.
So if I don't have the two dachshunds acting like houdini dogs and climbing on the counter I have Ernie going onto his hind legs and takiing stuff off the counter and then eating it. Now granted catching the two little dogs on the counter is hillarious as they try and figure out how to get off the counter before I reach them or their father reaches them, but seriously. These dogs are over all pretty well behaved. However all three are motivated by food. Whether they are hungry or not they are all about food.
So suggestions... other than a shock collar of course - because I am adamantly opposed to that. Obedience class... the two older dogs have taken obedience class and passed obedience class... the problem isn't that they're not obedient. It's that they're not obedient when we're not in the room.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
And I'm Tired...
6 nights on a peds floor will do that. It also doesn't help that I tend to be a glutton for punishment. I had chemo kids. Which while cancer is never fun, these kids were dealing fabulously with their situation all things considered. I dealt with new parents dealing with a high bilirubin level (jaundice) their baby got to take in the rays of bili lights and a bili blanket too. I helped soothe an anxious mom who was dealing with an acute life threatening event (an apnea spell)... a pyloric stenosis... and a cystic fibrosis kid... who seriously ate like an elephant but was about the size of a peanut... I had diabetics (known and new onset) and well... it was a great learning experience. But boy am I tired.
I had an awesome preceptor... by awesome I mean I learned something from her which is always a good thing. It's hard when you've got so much experience to be precepted by someone and she did it in a manner that was both helpful and not condescending. She double checked my charting and you know what that's a good thing... when you're taking care of 6 kids... and you're clicking the boxes sometimes you get a bit heavy handed. She pointed that out to me. I like her. I like her a lot. She's caustic enough to really truly like her a lot.
So yeah that's great... so now we wait... D goes back to work... I spend today in bed and well... the cycle will repeat next week.
So that's my thought for today...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......
I had an awesome preceptor... by awesome I mean I learned something from her which is always a good thing. It's hard when you've got so much experience to be precepted by someone and she did it in a manner that was both helpful and not condescending. She double checked my charting and you know what that's a good thing... when you're taking care of 6 kids... and you're clicking the boxes sometimes you get a bit heavy handed. She pointed that out to me. I like her. I like her a lot. She's caustic enough to really truly like her a lot.
So yeah that's great... so now we wait... D goes back to work... I spend today in bed and well... the cycle will repeat next week.
So that's my thought for today...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......
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