Whoops & Others Expectations

Tuesday was my mother's birthday and I forgot to call her. I remembered it was her birthday but I forgot to call her - such a sucky daughter. Apparently I was not the only one who forgot to call. So... tonight on my way to work I will be finding a card and figuring out what to give her. It's hard to buy for my mom.

In other news we're trying to go through the motions and prepare. As the first trimester almost is done (I'll be 14 weeks on Sunday) we just keep chugging along. The things we're looking at are probably not the things most people would look for right now, but ya know what - it's me. We already have a cradle that has been in my family for a while. We do not have a crib and truthfully I am having a harder time finding one I like than anything else. Of course the ones I like are the expensive ones. Bastards. A recliner or a glider rocker is also on the list -however my cheapnes comes in and yesterday I almost had the hard sell from a lazy boy sales person... I did not cave. Though the chair was comfy. I asked for them to go to a certain price and they didn't so must not have been meant to happen. I'm a planner so right now I am going through the motions of planning things even though I am not 100% confident that this will work out. In spite of frequent doppler checks - yes Santa Clause there still is a heartbeat. As others have said pregnancy is precious. For those with recurrent loss it tends to be a bit more anxiety provoking and a bit more like waiting for the other shoe to fall... I've heard from my sister, my mom and my aunt that these feelings are "normal".

I think my family now wishes that a) I hadn't had to go through all of my losses and b) that they hadn't told me all about theirs. However they did and while my losses stink in a so sad kind of way... their losses rip your heart out kind of thing.

I'm going through these motions more for D than for myself... he is wanting to allow his family to tell others... though he wishes they wouldn't tell certain people in his family. I haven't given the green light yet. I even broached the thought of how about we wait until after "Not negative" is born and then announce it - it'd be our own personal surprise... no go from anyone in our families. I don't think anyone realizes that I do not want to be the center of attention. That having a baby be the center of attention makes me much more comfortable then the constant questions of "How are you feeling?" When all I can say is - "fine?" I'm supposed to apparently have all these symptoms like - nausea/vomiting - none except for that 2 day plague I had -(please don't hate me it was out of my control), fatigue (no more than usual), frequent peeing - maybe but I've been drinking more water. So yeah I'm boring. I'm okay with that as long as mister doppler works when I ask him to, but others look or sound disappointed when all I have to say is "I'm fine."

D and I were talking to his parents and his mom said something along the lines of "I know you're a little nervous about all this." Nervous isn't a word I'd use to describe what I'm feeling. Most days I pretend I'm not pregnant. I can because a) I have no outward signs and b) I have no symptoms. I just go on as if my day is normal. Things for me have not changed much at all. She thought that I must have restrictions at work - yeah uhm NO. When I told her that - she thought there should be... and I started laughing and handed the phone to D. I told him what she said and he said "Most pregnant women can do whatever they did normally - of course bungee jumping and beer bongs are out. S can lift and carry all the things she did in the past - and if somethinig were to go wrong it would have nothing to do with her turning someone or anything else. If she wanted to play softball and that was something she normally did she could... etc etc." Got to love my husband because my mil apparently wants me to lay on my couch and eat bon bons. Not that I wouldn't love to do that, but I'd rather not gain that much weight during this whole deal. I even said something along the lines of "I don't know how many pregnancies you had, however most will say you can do whatever you normally did before." My mil is notorious for not being forth right about her and my fil's fertility history - D's an only child. I know they wanted more, but it's like trying to break into a safe to find out any information from them. Even D's had an issue with that because he feels it would have helped us to have that knowledge of whether or not they tried and were not successful or what.

So yeah uhmm that's our news - no news really. Incredibly boring. We're settling in with the 2 puppies and of course with the 4 dogs. We're hopeful that no one else will get sick from whatever Lola had - all of the puppies including Bert ended up with whatever nasty ass bug she brought into the house. All are finishing up their antibiotics and are on the road to recovery.