So many things to say...

I know I've been quiet... I'm struggling to figure out what I want this blog to be. No I'm not thinking of giving up blogging... I'm just trying to figure out what I want this to be about and the bottom line is this blog is just about my life... infertility, pregnancy, motherhood, 6 dogs, marriage, cops, living with your mother... all of these things. Right now my life is fabulous. I'm truly happy and so very in love with Squeak that I swear I'm gushing... Anyway...

So this year Happy Thanksgiving to all of my friends... I am so thankful for all of you that have been on this magnificent journey to motherhood with me. I will post pictures soon... Squeak is constantly changing. His giggles and grins crack me up and just bring so much joy to my life that it's hard to explain. I have officially become a sap. I'm okay with that.

So Happy Thanksgiving - enjoy your day with your families. I will spend my day with D, Squeak, the six mongrels and my mom will be here Thursday night. My family will be with me... and I am going to enjoy the day with them.

Power Outage

What do you do when your father in law is visiting and the power goes out?

Pray for the power to come back on of course... fortunately my prayer was answered as my bladder was really beginning to protest my lack of wanting to go to the bathroom, but it was nice the power came on. I doubt it had anything to do with prayer but we'll give this one over to God and say -"Thanks a million!"

Ultimately my fil is here visiting until I think Monday. He came on Wednesday. Jodi his weim is with him and a more devoted pup you will not find. She adores my fil. She used to adore me, but that's okay that she is all about her owner. It's what we hoped for. It's brought a side of my fil out that we hadn't seen - a very very devoted one. He loves this dog and she goes everywhere with him.

In other news I apparently have hit my own power outage. As someone who is generally fairly active I have slammed head on into the wall of fatigue and let me just say it sucks. I hate it. I'm tired of being tired. That's my biggest complaint. I'm used to occasional fatigue, but this is bone crushing I could nap for 2 weeks and not be awake kind of thing. I've been told this is normal. In the hopes that this is normal and not because I haven't taken prenatal vitamins with iron - instead going for a different vitamin with low iron I've switched to the ones with iron.

In other news - this baby is still breech. He apparently has no sense of direction and does not appear to want to move anywhere. I believe the term - "I'm comfy" comes to mind. At my next appt if he is still breech we'll schedule an u/s and from there a version and well you get the idea.

I've also kind of hit panic mode. Panic as in... what the hell were we thinking having 6 dogs and a baby. I know this too shall pass and my fatigue is not helping with this thought process. If anyone wants to boost my spirits about 6 dogs and a baby - go for. If people want to point out it is ludicrious to have 6 dogs and a baby keep it to yourself PLEASE... discuss amongst yourself if you feel this way. I need support now, not any not so helpful points of - who in their right mind has 6 dogs and a baby. If anyone has $4000 laying around to help out with a fence for the 6 dogs then hell send it my way :) I'm good that way. I'll even send a thank you card. D doesn't seem to realize constantly harping about a fence to someone looking at the idea that my STD decreases my wages to 70% of my normal take home pay just isn't helpful. I hate to harp back at him that he's no millionaire.

In other news - he fell in love with a kirby vacuum cleaner. He stupidly let the sales people in. I had to go to work. We fortunately already have a kirby of my mother's from the mid 1990's. I firmly left to go to work stating "WE WILL NOT BE PURCHASING A KIRBY!" They of course did the whole presentation including vacuuming our mattress and most of the living room, the baby's room, and well anywhere else D could get them to vacuum. So at least he got some extra use out of them. He also had them take a look at my kirby and we found that for $30 we can have it back in tip top shape, so for now... he's quit mentioning buying a kirby, but has become quite the vacuum user. Everytime I turn around he's got the kirby out. No - I'm not kidding. It's quite comical as he hardly ever vacuumed before. The Hoover now has a RIP sign on it. He's sold on the kirby.

That's what's been going on for the last 9 days - fun fun fun.

What the Hell was I Thinking?

Introducing D to the joy of blog readers? I apparently am insane and did not learn my lesson when I let him discover forums...

Forum wise he reads forums on single serve coffee (you know K-cups and pod coffee makers), fire arms, cops, more fire arms, more cop stuff... etc etc. Now he's reading via a blog reader because I thought hey that will be quicker than him surfing to the various sites and hogging my computer - cop blogs... I'm so overjoyed. NOT.

In my defense I thought it was a good idea to introduce him to the joy of a blog reader because of the speed factor... what I hadn't calculated was my husband's desire to read more and more and more. We're both addicts like that... we love information which is probably why I have about 50 blogs I read and why D now has 7.

In other news - I believe SD formerly known as NN is still heads up. I'm going to talk with my doc about versions because my biggest fear is we'll get to 37 weeks and he'll say no to it. I'd rather know now that he's up for the challenge or see another one of his partners - there's 10 of them one of them would be willing right? It's not that I have anything against c-sections I just would rather not have one unless I absolutely need one kind of thing. I've also put a lot of time, effort and money into the whole hypnobirthing thing and would like to give that a shot. The only perk I see about a c-section is the ability to plan and b) the 8 weeks off that are paid rather than the 6 weeks for a regular ole delivery. Otherwise I'm not getting the perks out of it. Surgeries and myself tend to get ugly and well I'd rather not have that occur on the day we greet SD. It just isn't my idea of a fun time kind of thing.

In other news the diaper bag was delivered TO OUR NEIGHBOR rather than to us... now I have to track down my neighbor and ask for my diaper bag which I REALLY want to just sneak into her house and find the damn thing since their kid was one the one who accepted the package... I learned this this morning.

Doctor's appt this afternoon - fun fun fun. It's just me - no D for this one as he's at work whining that the light is too bright. Gosh does he hate days or what!

Washing...

Yes, that wirrr sound is our washing machine having a field day doing laundry.

A few asked what brand we have which is G E and the model was purchased last year. I love the thing with a passion and now that it is actually draining water I'm back to actually loving the thing again. Ours was purchased at the irritating store A B C warehouse... yeah I know I can't believe we went there, but we got the best deal and somehow ended up with free installation and delivery. We had been tempted by the folks at HD, but ended up at A B C when the HD people could not show me the money. If you want actual model number I can look it up for you just leave it in the comments.

Ultimately we did not get the pedestals and right now D is lamenting that particular fact as that would have made things easier to access that stupid drain pump filter thingie that was clogged. However it wasn't a necessary item and still is not a necessary item. I of course win out on the "need" vs "want" game of chance.

Yesterday was spent shopping... we landed at the outlet mall and spent a small fortune on clothes for NN aka SD and D kept picking up things with firetrucks. No SD will not have a fire truck room as all the bedding I was able to find with fire trucks on it was absolutely awful and the one that was cute was way too pricey for this thrifty gal. I win out again on that whole "want" vs "need" game.

I was able to win a diaper bag on ebay that I am excited at seeing and hope is as great as the reviews I've read on it are. D still wants a bag that is more a work bag then diaper bag. He's losing that particular battle as no way jose' are you buying a bag that's $80 to cart diapers, bottles, and clothes around - even if you can use it again once the kidlet is out of diapers for work. The likelihood of this occurring as he'd have found another bag at that point is slim to well none.

Oh - the pens in the pump filter drain - most likely mine, the change most likely D's, the hair - well that would be all the puppies including the ones that have gone to new homes! So here's hoping the next time we clean our drain pump filter - which truly rolls off the tongue - it won't be quite the awful mess it was this time.

Oh yes and the area where he was able to find the information on how to clean it was located on epinions... I can post a link once he tells me what it is if there are those of you who need to know!

Standing water

Quiet - yes, it's been quiet here at the 6 dog house... mainly due to a work stretch.

Everything is fine, just life in general tends to get sucked from you when you do a 6 night stretch. Apparently 6 is my lucky or unlucky number. I've made some arrangements in my schedule for work as this pregnancy progresses, namely so that I can function a bit better. Just breaking up the 6 day stretch seems awful to me. I love having that 8 days off and that's probably why it's taken up until September for me to agree to back off a bit and break my stretches on up. I hate the idea, but with another coworker going on maternity leave shortly the numbers for working in the ICU are awful so I've switched a day here or there to accomodate that.

In other news - standing water... yes that is what I've had to deal with in our washing machine. We tried a few quick fixes and ultimately it lead to me making a service call. Our front load washer and dryer are wonderful - LOVE them love them love them. However no clue how to fix this issue as we could not figure out where a "drain pump filter" was located because the manual had no information other than "clean drain pump filter once every 3 months". It's never been cleaned. It was the most likely culprit.

Somehow D was able to pull a rabbit out of his a*s and thanks the the wonderful world of internet and forums a person who had actually located this filter - the problem was amazingly resolved. In the filter he found 2 pens, change, enough dog hair to last a small lifetime and god knows what else. We no longer have standing water and for that I am thankful. I had arranged on Tuesday for a service call to occur on Thursday between 8-5 and fortunately we were able to cancel that call. It would have been free, but that's not the point. I also called and complained to the company that manufactures the washer and dryer that it would behoove them to indicate "how" to clean that filter. We'll see if an updated manual comes out of this for the drain pump filter issue.

Ultimately I am happy to say we now can wash clothes. We now will regularly clean the drain pump filter. Ultimately I'm just happy to not have standing water.

The next few days I plan on doing some shopping, hoping that the NN has turned his little body head down. (Yes, I know we have a few weeks before this becomes an issue, but early turn is a nice thing right?) Trying to remember to do my hypno lessons so that we can have that hypno birth we would like etc etc.

The NN room is stocked full of clothes... some cloth diapers are present, but more need to be ordered. The breast pump has been purchased and is in the closet and the cradle is finally up in the bedroom so that the dogs could get used to it.

Ernie our resident doofus has healed so his paw is not as big of an issue. Also note to self and others when giving your dog a tranquilizer it's a good idea to ask the vet how quickly it takes affect. In this instance the second time I gave it to him I gave it to him 30-45 minutes before I needed to leave. Wrong move on my part. I had a drunken dog to walk down to the basement and his kennel which resulted in us walking down from the house, into the garage, into the basement and then into his kennel. It was quite comical if poor Ernie hadn't looked like a drunken sailor.

So that is life as we know it... I hope your week has been more fun than mine.

Finally normal... at least for the moment.

Just an FYI - if you're in the trenches there will be stuff about the NN at the end. I'll give warning when I get there.

House cleaning is underway. Actually D and I are really not the ones behind this drive, but my mom is. Mom loves to clean. She also loves to iron and fold laundry. I'm not kidding. My dad drew the line when my mom started ironing his underwear as he worked road construction and who needs starched undies? She used to iron the sheets. She no longer does these things, however she irons all her clothes. My sister takes after my mom. I don't. I can't live up to that cleanliness. I can't even live up to all that ironing. So housekeeping wise I'm much more relaxed than both my mother and my sister.

It means that I have chaos where they have control. I prefer the term controlled chaos. Which is also how I refer to my job in the ICU. Seriously - when the poop hits the fan it's a controlled chaos if all are on board. Just a side note... I hate the month of July. Two words - new residents. I know one thing for certain - I do not plan on getting sick during the month of July. It's just not the time of year that you want to deal with fresh faced recent graduates of medical school that do not look old enough to shave their legs or their faces. Boy - do I sound old or what?

So my house is being wrestled into submission by my mom. I'm letting her do her thing. My mom is a notorious snoop so sometimes it's fun to hide things and see if she finds them and then see if she asks about the items. So far any inappropriate items she has not asked about. She may wait until D goes to work to do that.

The dogs all adore her. They follow her around and stare at her and just universally adore her. It's comical.

Now for the normal part... because 6 dogs is never normal.
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Yesterday was one of our prenatal visits. I had to do the gestational diabetes screen and also have a blood count checked. Let me just say about that GD screen - that 50 grams of glucose is awful. I was fine until about one hour after drinking it then all I wanted to do was throw up. I felt awful. I did check my fingerstick blood sugar after the 1 hour mark in the hopes that I would be able to figure out if I was "close" to the pass/fail. My blood sugar 1 hour after by fingerstick was 130. So I was hopeful I would pass, but stranger things have happened. The lab tech said - oh you'll get your results in 48-72 hours what with the holiday. Yeah uhm not acceptable. This is one of the reasons why I always have things drawn and faxed to me. It's simpler. I hate waiting for a phone call where they say - all is fine without any details. I'm a nurse for goodness sake and I want numbers. I want concrete information. These are the people who will say "congrats you're pregnant" and not leave a beta hcg number. Unacceptable in my world. I also requested the complete blood count as my history of ITP at least warrants checking on those bugger platelets.

The rest of the appointment was fine. We'll have another u/s at our next appointment so that we can view all the heart structures. We did not disclose our echo done by my doctor friend. It was off the record remember. Weight gain, heartrate 150, measuring fine.

I did finally receive the results for the GD screen after calling and leaving a message. 119 - so I passed. This of course does not mean I'll be going out and having 10 sundaes, but it means I could if I wanted to. My hemoglobin was 12 and my platelets were 204. 204 is a very good number as I've not seen that since I was probably 15. My numbers tend to be in the high 80's to mid 100's. However in pregnancy I have noticed that my platelet counts tend to be higher than they normally are - but with ITP things can change quickly and dramatically. No one knows why my counts look so good and truthfully I'm just going to be happy that they are.

So for now... all is normal and quiet at the six canine house...

Wow...

I stumbled upon this on one of the message boards I frequent and I watched it and thought - wow she understands. Music is something I find comfort in and there are a few songs that hold special meaning for me. 100 years by Five for Fighting is our song. I vetoed a number of other "okay" songs, but 100 years is something that I get goose bumps even now when I listen to it. Father & Daughter by Paul Simon from The Wild Thornberry's is also special for me. It's about that love between a father and daughter and boy do I miss that.

Ultimately music soothes my soul. It's something I find comfort in and enjoy and just love. I hope this baby does as well. I'm sure I've innundated it with a number of songs that it would probably go "thumbs down" on. However I hope that there is a natural love for music as well as books. Because those are things that I feel are important.

Sorry to be quiet - while working 6 in a row things are so hectic that it's hard for me to get on the computer. Even now I should be sleeping. I have 1 more night to get through.

All Dogs Accounted For..

First - we're back.

Second - I'm glad we're back.

The trip was long and for the most part uneventful. I will post car pictures as they are quite comical. Everyone survived the trip and no one was left behind. My mom said - "I'm sure you're going to forget one dog." I asked - which one do you want me to forget? I was teasing and she was teasing. At the point of the round up of 6 dogs - D had about lost his patience with the whole trip as well as my mom, the heat, his parents, me... pretty much everyone.

Saturday arrived way too stinking early for me and I rounded up 6 dogs and put them in the car. This would have been comical if anyone had videotaped it - thank goodness no one did. I'm sure it was quite the sight to behold. I drove to pick D up and the puppies experienced for the first time baby raccoons that they probably wanted to destroy. Apparently none of our dogs are lovers of wildlife. I arrived to pick up D who was running behind due to a complaint he had to write up. So - various dogs came in and said hi. Then we were off... D chose to drive.

We stopped off at an outlet mall so I could use a gif card that would expire and purchased some items. The adult dogs were doing well with the ride. The 2 pups were a bit rambunctious. We had to switch how we were doing their seat belts and eventually got everyone straightened out. We arrived at my mom's. En route we had received a phone call from my mom who apparently had indulged a bit too much the night before at a jewelry party. She had a hang over. Yes- my 60+ year old mother had a hang over. D thought that was quite comical.

We went to lay down and take a nap and were awoken by my mom coming in to the bedroom to hand me a telephone. D's dad was on the phone and Jodi his puppy was apparently acting punky and they would not be able to come over. I told fil that that was fine and that he needed to contact the on call vet and let us know what they recommended. So multiple phone calls and Jodi was going to be taken care of.

Sunday arrived and we checked on fil and Jodi again - who apparently was starting to perk back up. Plans were made for the in laws to come over. So Sunday afternoon 7 dogs, 2 cats, 6 adults were at my mom's house. I then had to deal with the crap about the shower they wanted to throw. Not to be picky but I like food prepared a certain way. My mil sometimes does things a bit differently. I'm used to my mom changing the recipe on me frequently, but she makes sure the flavors are the same... my mil something that I thought I would like has turned into something that tasted awful. So I had huge reservations about her making food for this thing. It became a source of debate and I'm sure I looked like an ungrateful bitch, but truthfully at this point - don't care. D of course was little to no help in regards to this and just said - "She's picky." Gee thanks.

Eventually I got the point across and settled on items she could make that would hopefully turn out. We shall see. I hate showers by the way. I'm not comfortable and truthfully with the extended family situation it's just a huge pain. If it was just my family it'd be a cake walk and I wouldn't have the anxiety about it that I do. It's just not something I'm terribly excited about except to see some of my family friends and family. It'll be interesting.

Monday we visited with D's cousin's widown and seen the girls. They are adorable and precious and just such little sweet hearts. C and I enjoyed chit chatting and D got to take care of the 2 girls. We left a few hours ago and finally arrived home.

There was only a few bumps in the road... D and I while cutting rhubarb for a pie ended up getting into some stinging nettle - nothing water and steroid cream won't cure. The pie was wonderful. Pepper pooped in her kennel... atrocious smell that we cleaned up - this occurred while we were visiting with the girls. The icing on the proverbial cake - was Blue chose to destroy my laptop cord. D pulled my laptop out of the bag and put it on the floor... Blue has a bad habit of putting everything in his mouth and proceeded to tear part of it apart. So a new cord will be bought tomorrow.

Ultimately we survived. The pups were almost angels on the ride home - apparently we need to drive during night as they are much better behaved then during the day.

All is quiet - for the moment...

I have six doggies sleeping in my bedroom - three on the bed and three in their kennels! Life is always good when everyone is sleeping!

Today I take Blue & Pepper to the vet for their procedures so that we won't have any more puppies. While I hate having them be in pain for anything I also know I do NOT want to deal with more puppies in the future. We are not breeders - heck we're not even breeders in the human form why the hell would we be in the dog form? So - it is a necessary thing to do. We'll pick up the two puppies this afternoon and they'll have to rest for a few days and then life is back to normal so to speak.

D says thank you to all the wonderful birthday wishes. He received coffee as his birthday gift from me. I know so terribly loving and sweet aren't I? I think right now we're both so busy trying to get things done, working 10-12 hours at our jobs - his is 10, mine is 12 that we're really just wanting a vacation. However - no vacation in sight. It's our lot in life - that right now vacation time is absent and we'll just have to deal with life as it goes.

We're planning on going out to eat this weekend to celebrate our birthdays and have a relaxing night at home. I know we're such exciting people. I worked my 6 day stretch and spent yesterday recovering from it. Slept all day and all night - and miraculously I did not have tail bone pain which has been occurring at frequent intervals while at work during the night. It's there then it goes away -and boy do I love when it goes away as it's a nagging ache not that painful, just constantly there for a bit then it goes away. We googled it and found there's really not a whole hell of a lot you can do for tail bone pain. Gee - thanks.

My friend from work who is due a few days after me found out she's having a GIRL :D I'm tickled for them as I think they will be great parents in general and a girl of theirs will definitely be a hoot to watch grow up! She will be very well loved and very well spoiled and all those things are good things. I'm working on getting my registry done- though I feel like I'm an idiot in regards to these things and have basically just followed a book to see what I need/don't need.

Other than that... life is good. As always we're taking one day at a time. Isn't that all one really can do?

The Heart...

First this is a bit late, but say a prayer for Gabe and his family...

I just found them through another blog, but it's odd timing. I say odd because in the past few days I've taken care of a couple of kids with heart defects. Heart defects are something I have a personal story with... my sister's first child Erin was born still at 26 weeks and later was found to have heart defects and would have needed open heart surgery within 24 hours of birth if she had been born alive. So caring for kids that have these issues is a privilege for me. If Erin would have been born alive she'd be 17. It's also hard for me because I do worry about whether or not the Not Negative has a heart defect... which is one reason why I'm not pushing the doctor to do the u/s earlier than he wants -because his words of - "we'll be able to see the heart structures more easily" stuck with me.

I also was in the NICU and wow... those are some tiny babies... it made me think a lot about what if's. I know a few NICU grads so to speak... V is one and she's a glowing example of a great outcome... however I've also cared for some NICU grads and there prognosis and outcomes were not as great. Granted - I work in a pediatric intensive care - most of what I see doesn't have great outcomes... but it definitely makes you think and it definitely makes you thankful for what you do know and have. D is always horrified after I come home from work - if he asks how things went and then learns of what I took care of through the night he generally gets all glassy eyed and wants a beer. (Don't worry he did this when I worked in the adult intensive care as well) so I unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it see some of the worst things that can happen and sometimes those worst things work out and end positively... and sometimes they don't.

It also reminds me I need to finalize my advanced directive... still haven't filled out all the forms. I think we'll be doing that at my next doctor's appointment. It's precautionary. I don't want anyone... to try and usurp D's rights to make decisions for me if I'm not able... and D feels the same way. Yes - I'm a paranoid sort - but that's part of may allure :D I'm a planner - though you would not know that sometimes...

In other news- In law visit this weekend... house is a wreck. Fun times I tell ya. I have no food in the house so this should be interesting. Our favorite restaraunt has smoke damage and may not be an option for food come Saturday night so I'm trying to come up with something... D grilled last week on cedar planks and that was good, but I just don't know. D will have to work Friday night when his folks show up so I get to spend an evening alone with my in laws rather than curled up in my bed with my dogs. Yes - I'm whining. Yes - I'm fine with that. So any ideas for how to spend an evening with the in laws? Think I can get them soused and send them to bed???? I'm just not looking forward to question and answer time... D will leave the house at 8:30 so they generally don't go to bed until after 10 or 11 pm... so that's 2.5 hours of me and them alone... fun times I tell ya. Here's hoping it's not as bad as I fear it will be.

Construction???

Seriously who the hell thinks it's an appropriate time to bring out a hydro hoe and start it up at 9 a.m. on a rainy day? My neighbor to the east of us. Asshole... I have no idea what he's digging or why. I do know he better keep off our property or we'll be having words. Again - Asshole as he's right butt up against the property line.

I've been quiet - work stretch. Which means I'll be off after tonight. I have spent a great deal of time providing emotional support to families. I love my job - the drama in my life is a piece of cake in comparison to what they are going through. I know I do a good job. I've never doubted that. Is it easy to provide clinical care as well as emotional care - not only to the patient but to the families? It's hard. It's draining. It's not something that eveyone does well and it sure as hell isn't easy to do. I've made families cry. I always am honest with them. Do I hedge my bets - yes. I am not a psychic and I do not hold a crystal ball. I would much rather be proven wrong than proven right when I give the bad possible outcomes. However I will not sugar coat things - I am nurse doom and gloom and I will give you the worst possible outcome - because I want to be proven wrong. I will always advocate for your loved one and for you - never doubt that. I know everyone reading is going - great we NEVER want S as our nurse. I never want to be anyone in your families nurse - especially if you're reading me. My ideal world is where there are no patients - everyone's healthy. Again - fantasy land.

I actually seen one of my patients get better. That makes me smile. He gave me a thumbs up today when I asked him before I left to go home... His family and another patient's family that I had cared for made me feel as if even when I didn't have the time - I made a difference in their lives and that is why I do my job... Because sometimes I can make things easier for families and sometimes I can even help a kid/adult/whatever get better.

In other news - D is sick... his allergies are wreaking havoc on him. I so have no sympathy.

Also - we are keeping Pepper. She's not going anywhere... she is no longer on the proverbial chopping block. The two pups can live out their lives as brother and sister and they'll be in our home. So - yeah we're a 6 dog house. Someone asked me how I was going to take care of 6 dogs and a baby. My response- "whoever barks/cries the loudest gets taken care of first." Simple philosophy huh? Blue & Pepper have both started learning to "sit" on command. Pictures will be forthcoming. The pups are also losing teeth left and right and have had to revert back to eating their food wet as their teeth hurt.

Ernie ate a box of pudding... then drank a bunch of water - wonder if it truly tasted like pudding then?

Such is life... nothing else going on here- yes we're still gestating... one step at a time. I also have a plan so to speak... my idea is simple... we're planning on finding out what we're having. I think rather than allow everyone to know right away - parents, friends, family etc. We're going to keep it a secret - maybe even from ourselves until the day of the shower. Couple of reasons - it will drive my mom bonkers and I haven't done that in a while and that way we get the things we need/want/desire rather than a bunch of clothes that we may or may not like. It also allows those close to us to be involved and find out the surprise... maybe have a contest and draw a name of who was right wins a prize kind of thing. Your thoughts on this are appreciated. Crazy -cool? Irritating?

1 in 10,000

That is the risk of trisomies that was calculated so far from the results of the blood work and the results of the nuchal... apparently that is as good as it gets. At least that is what the doctor said. Now granted I spend most of my time at these appointments wondering how weird he thinks I am, but he seemed genuinely pleased with these results. Heartbeat was 155 or so.

I was disappointed to learn that the next u/s won't be scheduled until after the next appointment. This practice prefers to do the level 2 u/s at 22-24 weeks. No clue why, but we can wait. We apparently don't get a choice. D has started researching all the things we are supposed to have for this possible new arrival in our lives. I just nod mostly.

D's parents were finally given the green light - by him NOT me to let the rest of MIL's family know what's going on... His dad really wanted to tell his family and I think that has happened, but MIL's famoly got to learn the news first... My MIL asked if D could take a picture of me... and D said of what? Apparently my MIL wants a picture of me pregnant - D broke the news to her that I'm not showing anything... and probably won't be for a while and that pictures probably will not be forthcoming. My mother of course has announced to the neighbors and everyone that the only thing that is showing is my b**bs. Gee thanks Mom.

With the weird changes in the weather around here - global warming right? My allergies and sinuses have become something that is both quite comical and quite irritating. When one is already on an antihistamine and decongestant one would hope that they would not require more... I am of course not in that category. I have had to add another antihistamine to the mix to get the sneezing to stop. I spent Monday morning on the phone with the doctor's office trying to find out if the new phenylephrine is "safe" to take... the pharmacist said "NO" the OB said "yes" however that didn't happen until after i bought it as well as the antihistamine that was recommended by the pharmacist came home, took the antihistamine and then got the call from the OB's office. I miss the old actifed as truthfully I don't like the change from pseudophedrine to phenylephrine it does nothing for me... damn meth lab makers.

My old male roommate sent me a recent email with the announcement of the birth of his daughter. It sounds as if things were a bit of a struggle towards the end as his wife developed HELLP syndrome and this resulted in his little girl being born about a month early. Fortunately both mom and daughter are doing well. We are thrilled that though the events leading up to her birth were scary - that both are now healthy and doing well.

Now that that is all out of the way... on to the rest of the story. Blue (one of the pups) has the runs AGAIN... to say we're less than thrilled is an understatement. I'm not sure what the next step is in regards to his digestive track - however we'd really like this to stop. I think it has more to do with D not feeding him yogurt than anything else - but what the hell do I know? Bert (purple) who went to his new home is doing well and thriving in his new home and family. We are going to have a play date soon with Pepper and Blue and Bert - who has a new name, but for us he'll always be Bert. Because having one dog do weird things is not enough and Ernie's separation anxiety is seriously wearing on everyone's nerves - Lola has started with some behavioral issues - so we're working on all of those things.

Our recent appraisal of course came in below what we wanted and needed it to be as that means our hopes for a home equity loan were pretty much smashed to smithereens. Our goal with the loan was to build a fence... we are researching alternative avenues and will have a fence before the Not negative arrives - it just may take some creative financing on our part to have this large fence that we want, need and desire.

I am watching Friday Night Lights tonight and my heart kind of broke when the wife of the football coach found out that she was pregnant and when the nurse asked if this was planned and she said - 13 years ago, 12 years ago, 11 years ago, 9 years ago, 8 years ago, then we thought it wasn't in God's plan for us... and the nurse laughed and said something along the lines of "apparently his plan changed". Because the woman conveyed so well that feeling of what I assume secondary infertility feels like... that struggle, that desire, and sometimes that resignation. Granted I could be wrong... I only know my feelings on what we've gone through and we all know my feelings have been to both edges of the spectrum. But it's always nice to see something conveyed simply and appropriately.

And to add to our tales of woe - we have SNOW... It's April for goodness sake and we have SNOW.... Sorry I've been quiet... I've been reading - not commenting - there's truly not much to say for me right now... I'm horribly boring - okay maybe not boring, but certainly not very exciting.

Dentists...

I'm sorry - I've been quiet. It's because I have been at work of course and also because trying to find a healthy and happy mix of what to write on this blog for me is a challenge. My life is fairly boring (stop laughing - it's my "normal" to have 6 dogs running around so it is "normal" for me.) and the puppies while growing are probably the best behaved of the bunch. Lola - the one who brought the GI bug into the house is still being blamed for first Pepper (pup) and then Blue (pup) getting whatever it was that she had... so far there are 2 dogs that do not have the bug - we can hope/pray etc that that will continue to be the case as seriously it's hard to see your dogs having to poop so frequently though the antibiotic and other medicine decreased the frequency and length of time we had to deal with it.

In other news - D and I had our 6 month dental cleaning - while mine was fine... D has 6 cavities he has to have filled... he's not thrilled. Today found him in the dental chair. We have an appt next week for more and then he'll go back again in 2 weeks. He set up this appt at the same time as our hair appt. I have not had my hair cut since October... I dropped D off at the dentist and went to see our gay hair stylist. We love this guy - he's fabulous and does a wonderful job. He works us in and I've been seeing him for about 4 years now. D for 3. S and his boyfriend are back together and that is wonderful. We're happy for him and happy that he's happy. He's on a gay bowling league and the stories he tells of that are hillarious. Once he realized that D and I were fine with him being gay and he had nothing to be ashamed of out he came. I spent the first year debating is he or isn't he when I went to him until I finally asked. I try not to make assumptions about sexuality, who's married or related to whom, and a few other things because I've been burned before. So... this afternoon while D was enduring the pains of the dentist I was being pampered by S... when asked what I wanted done I said - Do whatever you want just don't cut my hair as short as yours or D's. He laughed and I took off my glasses and he went to town. I left with a shoulder length bob type thing and I love it. He took about 2-2.5 inches off. Next time I see him will be for a cut and color. I've been meaning to color my hair, and well it just hasn't happened. Now I have an appt in May.

In other news I have screwed up the dates/times of a couple appt's. Dentist appt - thought it was first March 8 at 3pm. Had called and asked and they had said March 28 at 3 pm. Went on March 8 at 3 pm because I found a post card with that date and time. Well that postcard was actually from last year rather than this year. So we went last week. Scheduled my ob appt for a day when I'll be at a conference. Appt is now rescheduled for next week on Wednesday. I'm batting a thousand at this point. I fear what appt I'll screw up next.

I also received a phone call to notify me as well as a postcard that the first part of the quad screen came back "good" what that means I have no idea, but I assume that means our risk of trisomies is low. Spot - that bastard continues to play in the playhouse and while we've tried to figure out how to beat that into submission have not come up with a solution. Spot is truly a pain in the ass and I'd like it to go away for once.

So... dentists, dogs, appointments... that's about all I got for now. Yes - we've made it to the 2nd trimester... it's a wonderful thing and every day is a blessing... we're still cautious. Still happy... still us.

Whoops & Others Expectations

Tuesday was my mother's birthday and I forgot to call her. I remembered it was her birthday but I forgot to call her - such a sucky daughter. Apparently I was not the only one who forgot to call. So... tonight on my way to work I will be finding a card and figuring out what to give her. It's hard to buy for my mom.

In other news we're trying to go through the motions and prepare. As the first trimester almost is done (I'll be 14 weeks on Sunday) we just keep chugging along. The things we're looking at are probably not the things most people would look for right now, but ya know what - it's me. We already have a cradle that has been in my family for a while. We do not have a crib and truthfully I am having a harder time finding one I like than anything else. Of course the ones I like are the expensive ones. Bastards. A recliner or a glider rocker is also on the list -however my cheapnes comes in and yesterday I almost had the hard sell from a lazy boy sales person... I did not cave. Though the chair was comfy. I asked for them to go to a certain price and they didn't so must not have been meant to happen. I'm a planner so right now I am going through the motions of planning things even though I am not 100% confident that this will work out. In spite of frequent doppler checks - yes Santa Clause there still is a heartbeat. As others have said pregnancy is precious. For those with recurrent loss it tends to be a bit more anxiety provoking and a bit more like waiting for the other shoe to fall... I've heard from my sister, my mom and my aunt that these feelings are "normal".

I think my family now wishes that a) I hadn't had to go through all of my losses and b) that they hadn't told me all about theirs. However they did and while my losses stink in a so sad kind of way... their losses rip your heart out kind of thing.

I'm going through these motions more for D than for myself... he is wanting to allow his family to tell others... though he wishes they wouldn't tell certain people in his family. I haven't given the green light yet. I even broached the thought of how about we wait until after "Not negative" is born and then announce it - it'd be our own personal surprise... no go from anyone in our families. I don't think anyone realizes that I do not want to be the center of attention. That having a baby be the center of attention makes me much more comfortable then the constant questions of "How are you feeling?" When all I can say is - "fine?" I'm supposed to apparently have all these symptoms like - nausea/vomiting - none except for that 2 day plague I had -(please don't hate me it was out of my control), fatigue (no more than usual), frequent peeing - maybe but I've been drinking more water. So yeah I'm boring. I'm okay with that as long as mister doppler works when I ask him to, but others look or sound disappointed when all I have to say is "I'm fine."

D and I were talking to his parents and his mom said something along the lines of "I know you're a little nervous about all this." Nervous isn't a word I'd use to describe what I'm feeling. Most days I pretend I'm not pregnant. I can because a) I have no outward signs and b) I have no symptoms. I just go on as if my day is normal. Things for me have not changed much at all. She thought that I must have restrictions at work - yeah uhm NO. When I told her that - she thought there should be... and I started laughing and handed the phone to D. I told him what she said and he said "Most pregnant women can do whatever they did normally - of course bungee jumping and beer bongs are out. S can lift and carry all the things she did in the past - and if somethinig were to go wrong it would have nothing to do with her turning someone or anything else. If she wanted to play softball and that was something she normally did she could... etc etc." Got to love my husband because my mil apparently wants me to lay on my couch and eat bon bons. Not that I wouldn't love to do that, but I'd rather not gain that much weight during this whole deal. I even said something along the lines of "I don't know how many pregnancies you had, however most will say you can do whatever you normally did before." My mil is notorious for not being forth right about her and my fil's fertility history - D's an only child. I know they wanted more, but it's like trying to break into a safe to find out any information from them. Even D's had an issue with that because he feels it would have helped us to have that knowledge of whether or not they tried and were not successful or what.

So yeah uhmm that's our news - no news really. Incredibly boring. We're settling in with the 2 puppies and of course with the 4 dogs. We're hopeful that no one else will get sick from whatever Lola had - all of the puppies including Bert ended up with whatever nasty ass bug she brought into the house. All are finishing up their antibiotics and are on the road to recovery.

Shopping

I know boring title, but it's the truth - yesterday I went shopping. Now the idea was that I was going to go to the ON outlet - I think all of you can figure out what ON is... big chain store - love their clothes. Well I did until I went to the retail store and saw that their prices had gone up and also that they would be closing their outlets. Now there outlets have been my haven - where I could find a bargain and get a number of items that I would be able to wear for quite a while. This news ticked both D and I off... to say we were upset was to put it mildly. D usually loves their jeans and instead he looked at them and said - We will most likely NOT be shopping here again. That was at the outlet after he heard the news. We found out that G and BR would not be affected by this switch to retail. We were relieved and went to the G outlet and had a blast - finding clothes we loved and that didn't break the bank. So much so that we took advantage of signing up for a G card which we've never done before to get the extra 15% off. Yes - I know we're such cheap skates. I don't care.

We also stopped at the baby G outlet store and while I cringed I was able to pick out a few things for a coworker who is due to have a baby soon. D on the other hand wanted to purchase a number of items for the "not negative" I caved and allowed that. I probably would have caved earlier if I could have gotten the stupid doppler I own to work and find a heartbeat - however all I can hear thus far is placenta and my heartbeat... To say I am less than thrilled and craving an u/s is to put it mildly.

On the ob front - my doctor's office called and rescheduled my appt... gee uhmm thanks. So instead of having an appt on Wednesday it is now not until the 22nd... and I'm supposed to not lose my mind until then. No we will not be discussing doppler usage with my ob... I'm already used to the sideways looks I get from him and really don't want to deal with raised eyebrows as if to say - "Are you really that paranoid?" The answer would obviously be yes I am and I don't care. Right now the only thing keeping me from callling the RE's office to say - Hey can I get another scan since my doc's a nimrod who is rescheduling me left and right is that I received a "congratulations" card in the mail... I'm thinking they washed their hands of me... bastards.

Fortunately by moving the appt to the 22nd - it allows for the nuchal to be done before the appt and hopefully that will mean there's a real live fetus in there - otherwise well we'll cross that bridge when we get there. D is all aboard this optimistic band wagon and while I'm trying I think he's going to have to carry the load for a little while. Which is fine - he's willing. He knows that I go back and forth from being hopeful to DBT's - he also knows I'm trying not to voice them to him because well hell I hate peeing on his parade. In the meantime we're doing okay. No I'm not depressed in fact far from it. I'm my normal - even keel self. For me joyful/excited occurs once we actually have a baby in our arms. Until then I'm going through the motions -allowing others to be "excited" and quite literally over the top "excited" while I stand back and watch. I'm a much better observer than doer - always have been.

For my wedding I truly didn't believe it was really happening until it happened. Same goes for a few other major life events... so this is my norm.

So for right now nothing to see here... we're quite boring in fact. Sometimes boring is good...