Two Months

Squeak is 2 months old... where has the time gone?

Friday found us at the pediatrician's office for his two month check up. He weighed in at 9 lbs 8 oz and 21 3/4 inches long. A little above the 10th percentile in both height and weight. The doctor was pleased with both of these numbers and basically said carry on. Squeak did get 4 shots that day including his R S V vaccine... which is a life saver, but is also a pricey shot. We had to fight quite a bit with D's 3rd party payor to get this particular bill taken care of. It was a huge pain in the *ss. He qualifies because of being born a tad undercooked and my job which is basically where all those little kids with R S V will go and sneeze and snot all over me. Can we all see I am so looking forward to going back to work? Why can't I be independently wealthy?

Friday also found D's parents coming to our house. It also became a day where I decided Squeak was going to breastfeed by golly. The boob came out at the ped's office and I was able to soothe the very upset little man at that time and somehow we managed to get through 2 days of breastfeeding. We did pump quite a bit the second day. I think I'm going to go back to the lactation consultants just to find out how much he takes in and talk with them about pumping vs breastfeeding exclusively etc. When you're used to the pump it's hard to transition back to breastfeeding or at least I am finding it to be difficult.

Squeak was a bit cranky after the 4 shots, but truthfully not awful. He's such a pleasant little guy that you notice when he's a crank. I felt bad for D's parents because the only people Squeak wanted was D or preferably me. They didn't get to see his frequent smiles, his new little giggle because if he was awake he was either really quiet or cranky. Saturday was a bit better fortunately, but he wasn't completely back to his normal self until Sunday.

I think my in laws enjoyed themselves... I know they enjoyed seeing Squeak. Though for some reason my FIL is very bowel obsessed. Squeak is quite the farter so D's dad spent a lot of his time saying "Are you filling your pants?" Where D or I would say - believe me if he's going number 2 we will all know it so no he's not and he's just passing some gas. It became a bit annoying.

My in laws are a bit passive aggressive at times so it's hard to not get frustrated with them - D's dad spent most of the weekend trying to tell me that we should buy a portion of a pig that is butchered to save money and a portion of a cow... (don't eat beef, and really do not eat that much pork)... my mil made up for that passive aggressiveness by bringing pudding shots... Let me just say they are wonderful... kahlua and baileys are just yummy add pudding and whip cream and put them in the freezer well it is a thing of beauty and I plan on making some soon because they would be nice to have on hand for well whenever you feel the urge to have something that feels decadent and is delicious and heck use fat free pudding and fat free cool whip and it would not be that bad for you right?

My mother is now officially retired. She is actually laid off and will start with her real retirement in March. She is thrilled at becoming Squeak's nanny. He's a night owl so I'm not sure she'll be as thrilled once she gets here. It should be interesting for all of us. On the bright side - D is looking forward to apple pie and home cooked meals as my mom is a fabulous cook and while I can cook - desserts are more my thing.

Ultimately 2 months... it truly does not seem like it's been that long. He's a beautiful, amazing, little boy who brings me joy on a daily basis. I'm still amazed and find myself pinching myself frequently because it feels as if it is a dream. How could I be so lucky? D feels the same way...

All is Well

All is well in the 6 canine and a baby household... Or at least it's as good as it can be with 6 dogs and a baby in it.

Today I had my post partum visit to my doctor... and let me just say someone seriously needed to check me over before leaving the house. If they had I would have noticed that my t-shirt that I wore clearly defined my breast pads that were in my nursing bra. If I had known that I would have worn a different shirt. I was horrified when I walked into the room and there was a mirror and voila I see my nursing pads horribly defined.

Anyway that was the highlight of my day... or lowlight depending on how you look at it. In talking with my doctor rehashing the pregnancy and actually rehashing the conclusion I had to ask the question... "Since my water broke prematurely this time does that mean that I would be at risk for that to happen again." Now normally my doctor is very hopeful, optimistic - almost too optimistic. He looked at me and he said "yes". He then went on to say that they don't know why PROM occurs and have no way to prevent it, but they would be on the look out for it to happen a second time if we choose to have a second child - blah blah blah blah. I'm a planner by nature and while I am completely on the fence right now about having a second child as I love and adore the first child, but cannot begin to even think about having a second one when I am only barely staying above water with the first I had to ask the question. I wouldn't have been me if I hadn't asked the question and listened to the answer. I also felt that just asking the question was kind of like counting the chickens before they were hatched - not a good idea.

In other news breastfeeding - yeah well maybe once a day sometimes twice. We both are happier with the situation of pumping and getting it and both of us have to be either exhausted or starving which happens at least once a day. Ultimately we do our best and I'm no longer beating myself up about how he gets the breastmilk. I'm just happy that he does get breast milk.

We have his 8 week check up coming up on Friday. It is hard to believe it has been 8 weeks to me it seems like yesterday and in other ways it seems like an eternity has passed.

In funny ha ha dog news -

D is threatening to soak a pacifier (you know the ones from the hospital the s**thie kind) in pepper spray as the dogs have destroyed at least 4 of them in their "love" of these things... I think they would steal them directly from Squeak if they could. Right now we hide them - they find them. So if it's not in a drawer they consider it fair game and I'm not sure, but I think they're trying to figure out how to open the drawer to get to the pacifier. If it was one dog we could just say "BAD DOG". It's 4 dogs the only 2 that are not on the pacifier feast is the two puppies... the rest of the dogs can sniff them out. It's just plain weird. How do they know I hid the pacifier under 3 pillows?

October 15th Pregnancy & Infant Loss Rememberance Day

Tonight I lit a candle for all the pregnancies that I've lost... in my arms I held the pregnancy that came to be Squeaker. Cherishing him does not minimize those pregnancies that never came to be... but it reminds me of what I did lose. So tonight I'll cherish my Squeaker and remember his brothers and sisters who never came to be... and in the future if he ever asks I'll explain to him like my mother did to me... just how he came to be and how much we lost before he came to be.

Many hugs to all those who are remembering and for all those that we have lost...

Seriously - it's been 6 weeks already?

Where the hell has the time gone?

Truthfully I'd say it has been spent napping and pumping and changing, but I could be wrong. Today Squeaky aka South Dakota (DD thought you'd like that) is 6 weeks old. I of course am biased, but the little guy is absolutely precious and adorable. He's really a great kid. I hope I feel that way during his teenage years. Do not worry I am not wishing the time to fly -in all honesty I wish that I could spend more time at home with him than the 10 weeks I will. I wish we had a better FMLA policy that allowed you to get paid to be home with your child for longer... However wish in one hand and sh*t in the other and see which fills up first. The place I work may be one of the top 100 for working mothers... but it isn't that great.

In the last 6 weeks I have learned how to pump and warm a bottle half asleep. Learned that Squeaky hates his cradle because he wiggles too much and ends up with his legs sticking out the side. Learned never to schedule a photo shoot for your little one on the weekend - way too many people those days. That these photo places try to take advantage of you by preying on your emotions - "aww isn't that cute, don't you want to spend 14.99 rather than 3.99 a sheet for that pose?" Yeah uhm no. That pumping is okay. It may not be breastfeeding completely, but my child is receiving breastmilk and it may not be the exact way I wanted him to receive it he is getting all the benefits of it that he can. So I am okay with that. He is okay with that and he's probably a svelte 8 lbs at this point. He's gaining and that's the part that matters.

I've learned that Ernie is the jealous one of the bunch. That all the dogs love things that have breastmilk or spit up on them and that when Ernie gets pissed he steals something of the baby's. Generally a soothie pacifier if it's available... if not that then a cloth diaper, burp rag, t-shirt, etc. I've learned that Lola adores the baby and will sit and stare at him, climb into his pappasan chair or act like a prairie dog and stare at his swing if given the opportunity.

I've learned that D is a wonderful father who is even more sappy about Squeaky than I am. That watching him deal with a blowout is hillarious comedy.

I've learned that way too many people want to ask "are you going to have another?" Rather than "Are you enjoying Squeaky?" That particular question the first not the second is one I don't have the answer for. Talk to me in 2-3 years... then I'll know the answer. Right now I'm enjoying Squeaky. He's more than enough for me right at this very moment.

In a few short weeks our lives will change again... my mother will live with us and I will have to return to work. Until then - we're enjoying one another and the quite before those big changes occur. We're happy and that is truly all that I can ask for.