Sunday, August 31, 2008

What A Year It Has Been...

A year ago Squeaker came into our lives and we haven't looked back. Looking forward our future is bright and happy and filled with this laughing, giggly, bowl of joy.

Having a baby does change your life. For the better. Infertility may have left scars, but they are at the moment scarred over and thought of infrequently and late at night generally when I'm looking at my son's sweet head and thanking my lucky stars.

Life truly is beautiful. Happy Birthday Squeaker... may this year be better than the last for you... may you continue to grow and challenge us and make us smile down to our toes. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

I take back all the bad things I've said about you...

Okay I lied I'll take back most of the bad things I've said about a doc I work with, but that's only because he gave me an awesome recommendation for an eye doctor for my mom.

Last year in October my mom was supposed to have cataract surgery. The day came and the surgeon (a different one than originally planned) says no I won't do your cataract surgery as you have Fuchs dystrophy. Granted the spelling my mom came up with "I have F u c * dystrophy". Her response once she realized she was spelling it wrong was quite comical. The surgeon put the fear of God into her and had her thinking she would go blind in a week based on what he had to say. If you recall last year I was quite post partum at the time and not able to fully deal with this issue the way I would normally.

So fast forward to May when I finally got around to setting up an appointment with a new eye MD and found that we couldn't get in until August. No problem Mom's eye sight has remained stable although she has not been able to read her murder mysteries like she would like to.

Yesterday August 5th was the appointment. The recommendation for this doc was from one of the docs I work with... he's a bit of a challenge to work with at times - bipolar, pita, at times. Ultimately a wonderfully skilled physician that can be a bit of a pita when he wants to be. However he's also one of the most honest and will give an honest opinion when asked - so I asked him for a recommendation and he suggested a particular group and specifically this particular doctor. Off we went, I had low expectations. I hoped that my mom would not be diagnosed with Fuchs but if she was so be it. The idea of a corneal transplant was not my idea of a great time since I would need to take off work to take care of her and the baby. Not ideal and purely selfish on my part. Also the whole genetic component that it's passed along not high on my list of things I want to worry about.

The appointment went well. My mom does indeed have Fuchs but it's a moderate case. Her cataracts will eventually need to be operated on, however this doctor would like to wait and reevaluate 9 months from now as he feels if she implements some of the tricks he's suggested in how to live with Fuchs. My mom went from being ADAMANT that she would have her cataracts removed in a few weeks to - okay with not having them treated. Once it was explained that the cataract surgery may push her over the little ledge she is standing on and would mean she would then probably have to have the corneal transplant. It was a light bulb moment. It also was refreshing to see my mom back down in her thoughts and actually listen to what a doctor had to say.

In the future I'll be going with my mom to all her eye doctor appointments. I think it's in everyone's best interest to do so.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

So many things to do...

Eleven months and a few days... that's how old my son is. In twenty-nine days my son will be a year old.

I've neglected my blog... and I'm sorry for that, but to be honest it was so much easier to write when things were not quite right. Now that I reached what I was striving for - to have a child, well I find I can't complain. It's not that I don't have things to complain about it is more that it is hard for me to do so.

I could gripe about work, about lack of sleep, lack of labido, etc - but really I am happy and that is something I can not find in my heart to complain about. There are too many things to do for me to take a moment and say get a load of this. My internet usage has significantly decreased as my son's mobility has increased. It's quite comical if you think about it because a year ago I thought I would have all these wonderful things to say, but really it's hard for me to not make this into a mommy blog and I'm not sure I want to. I'm not in the trenches anymore... I'm off the island and while infertility still is a part of who I am, it's just a bit different now and I haven't quite reconciled how to combine the two worlds... being a mom and being infertile.

I've learned something though... being open about my struggles has allowed others to be open. Coworkers who struggle or are just starting to navigate the path of infertility can talk to me about clomid, injectables, etc and I'm able to be there for them in a way that those who had no difficulty are not. That's the part that matters. I can listen and say I've been there before... maybe it was a bit different than the place you are at right now, but I do understand...