Sunday, September 23, 2007

On My Own...

Warning - prepare to listen to the ravings of a crazy lady :)

That crazy lady is me...

Squeaky and I are on our own tonight. This is the first time I've been left to care for my son since he was born. I'm the only adult in this house and I am responsible for Squeaky and for the six dogs.

I know it is a luxury that I somehow managed to have D here for two weeks and my mom and D's parents here the first week we were home. Either way I'm on my own now and tonight I realized how much I rely on D. With breastfeeding still a sore subject (I'm still pumping and feeding, but the whole latching thing is hit or miss and with his weight gain we still have to supplement him with a bottle of breast milk)that means feeding takes forever. I know I'm whining here. However my time is limited by feeding him and then pumping for 15-20 minutes so that I keep my supply up. When D was home he'd do the feeding of Squeaky so I could pump. I have no idea how it will work during the day tomorrow when D is trying to sleep - should be interesting.

Squeaky has finally started waking up for feeds, but again this is a hit or miss thing so that means I still have to set my alarm clock to go off if I lay down at all because if he misses a feed then that's calories he's not getting and (yes, I'm an anal retentive nurse who is fearful of having the diagnosis failure to thrive) well my nursing skills say - he has to eat every 3 hours at a minimum. Sometimes he eats all that I prepare other times the last 10 cc is always a struggle... he falls asleep at the wheel... or he's so sleepy at feeding times that it's a joke of us stripping him naked, cool cloth etc. I know some people think this is a great thing - sleepy baby = good. It's not. I feel awful and so does D when we have to resort to this. However we'd really like to get off the fortifier and if this is what we have to do then so be it.

Tonight Squeaky nursed and nursed and nursed, but was still a starving marvin... I know how much I produce and pumped that amount so it means Squeaky sucks at sucking still. It may feel like a hoover, but apparently the boy isn't doing it properly. We go back to the lactation consultant on Thursday - he had improved from the last time he was at the breast, but still is significantly below par and falls asleep at the boob.

I love this little guy and know that I can handle taking care of him and the dogs... it just is a bit overwhelming at first. Squeaky cries because he's hungry the dogs bark because Squeaky is crying and while Squeaky will always come first it's nice when the dogs don't bark and the baby doesn't cry at the same time. I spent a good 15 minutes with both of those things occurring and two dogs following me as I tried to warm up the breast milk for Squeaky... Lola and Ernie were a bit frantic that I wasn't taking care of Squeaky fast enough...

So stay tuned... we'll see how the rest of the night goes. I've managed to survive about 8 hours on my own and no dogs were lost and Squeaky is currently sleeping in my lap. Hopefully the next few hours will go by smoothly and I survive the next 3 nights while D works.


Kristin, Rod, and Victoria said...

I remember and sympathize with pumping/bottle feeding... seemed like I was getting the worst of both worlds - the time involved with pumping, but still the dirty bottles to clean, in addition to cleaning all the pump parts constantly. I resorted to feeding V first, then putting her in a bouncy seat, swing, or papasan chair at my feet while I pumped. That way she was still within reach. Seems like by the time that whole ordeal is done with, you've got about 20-30 minutes and then it's time to start all over.

You're strong - you'll survive!

statia said...

I completely know how you feel on the whole crazy lady front. I managed to have my husband home for 7 weeks (CA gets awesome paternity leave) and we didn't want family staying with us at all in the beginning. I was both bummed and ready for him to go back to work, but it's really hard to do it on your own.

And nurse or not, no one wants the failure to thrive discussion. Though, you may be producing fine, he might be going through his growth spurt.

Hang in there, you'll find your groove soon.

Mandy said...

Was wondering how you were handling things on your own. It takes some time, but I'm sure you'll get a system figured out that works for you and Squeaky (and the dogs of course). I remember how overwhelmed I felt the first day I was on my own with Katie and the dogs. Each day gets a little easier though! Keep doing what you're doing -- you're doing FANTASTIC!! Good job, momma.

BTW, Jenn had a little boy via c-section on Friday morning. She was induced due to her BP. Evan Louis weighed a healthy 7lb12oz. Seems like we've had a run of boys lately...

DinosaurD said...

I was completely overwhelmed when left on my own, two weeks after my son was born (and we didn't even have any dogs). We had the same issues with pumping and poor latching and then I was so stressed out by the whole thing that I had next to no let down when he did latch.
All I can say is that you do the best you can and then use fortifier/ formula when necessary. Right now the calories are more important than where they come from, right? (Provided you're not feeding the little tyke chocolate cake).
Hang in there Sami (6 dogs and a newborn is no small feat).
And the shoes were my favourite part as well although I know he won't be in them until the spring.