Remembering A Father...

While celebrating another...

Father's Day is a day when I cherish the husband who is now a father... and remember the father who is no longer with us. My dad is someone I remember at odd times throughout the year. When my mom and I recently had difficulties I really wished he was here. He could calm her down and get her to see reason quicker than anyone I know.

I doubt I've told this story on here before, but when I was probably 1 or 2 my mom got extremely angry at Christmastime with something my brothers and sister had done and attempted to throw the Christmas tree and all the gifts out. My dad being a brave man chose to lock her in the bathroom. He didn't just lock her in there... he locked himself in with her. She was spitting mad - like a hissing wild cat, ranting and raving. His response to all of this was to hug her and just listen. He told her they weren't getting out of the bathroom until she calmed down. She eventually calmed down... and Christmas was saved.

That's just who he was... he was willing to stand the heat. He could handle it. Over the years growing up Dad was always there for me. He let me make mistakes, but he was always there to pick up the pieces. I wonder how he would have handled the multiple miscarriages that we suffered. I'm sure he would have found something just right to say to make me know just how much it bothered him and just how much he loved me and hated to see what we were going through. I wonder what he would have thought of having a grandson named after him. Or of having a grandson that at times is the spitting image of him. Although now that Squeaker isn't as much of a cueball he looks slightly less like him.

My parents would have been married for 33 years on the 19th... Today my mom is placing yellow roses on my Dad's grave. That's their flower...

Today I remember the man that raised me. He may not be here, but he is not forgotten. I also cherish the husband I have who is a fabulous father. My dad would be proud of my husband for being such a great father. I think my dad saw the potential when he gave his blessing for us to marry by announcing to the whole world that D was his son. Not his future son in law... but his son. That's just the guy my dad was.

Time Does Heal Some Wounds...

Four years ago I had my first d/c which I then learned was an ectopic. Three years ago we received the news that a rest cycle pregnancy was not viable... who would have thought lightning could hit twice. It did... and two years ago I spent the 15th under the covers with a doppler and poking my belly in the hopes that Squeaker would a) stay in there and b) live. Last year I spent the day enjoying Squeaker.

Today I did the same. This is not meant to say I don't still have bad memories of the 15th, but I'm making new happier memories of this day. It's the day before my birthday. The day before my bloggoversary... It's what lead me to this wonderful community. I have a lot of things to be thankful for... including...

Nanna will be coming back. She misses me... she misses Squeaker... she misses Dan.

Living with a hope and a prayer...

I guess I've learned something... when things are good - I don't blog. When things are not so good I blog. Things here are getting better, but not quite where one wants them to be.

I'll be honest here - I hope with the feeding therapy my mom comes back. Having my son sleep at someone elses house (I work nights) just isn't high on my want to do list. I'll do it... The other drama is that D's schedule changes in a few months so we may have to find yet another daycare provider if my mom doesn't come back.

I'm not holding out hope that she'll come back, but I am praying about it. It'd make all of our lives easier. Squeaker misses her. He still runs to her door and pounds on it as if to say "Nanna come out!" Which breaks my heart when it happens. Thankfully it's not as often as it was in the first few days of my mom's absence. Still watching my son want to see his Nanna and not being able to see her well it just makes me sad.

We start feeding therapy on Tuesday. To be truthful I have no freaking clue what we're going to do in feeding therapy. I'm going to assume that there's going to be actual feeding. Could be wrong though. I don't know if I'm supposed to bring him in hungry or what. It would be helpful if they gave detailed instructions so that the nurse in me can figure this out. We've been trying to follow the instructions given to us in the meantime... 1. Playing with food - yeah that ones not going so well. Not for lack of effort on our part.. but Squeaker not really into it. He'll dip and that's about it. 2. Smelling food - yeah not going so well either... he's not into letting anything get towards his mouth if we're the ones holding it... and he scrunches up his face as if to say "NO" and 3. Not forcing him - that's about the only one that is going well. We're letting him run the show so no forcing is happening.

Let me just say meal time is a HUGE pain in the ass at our house... I'm pinning a lot of hope on this whole feeding therapy thing.

Amy - Squeaker is otherwise healthy and meeting his developmental milestones... speech is a bit delayed, but physically he exceeds where he's supposed to be. Weight wise he's always been in the 5th percentile - never any higher. Hope that helps.

That Feeding Thing...

Well with my mom's prompt departure I was forced to take a serious look at my son's eating habits or lack there of. So I made that appointment for the feeding clinic...

Yesterday was the evaluation. And the verdict is that we need to do feeding therapy. Apparently Squeaker is showing signs of some oral aversion and reflux. The last part I want hmmm... his food choices, his self limiting behavior, etc.

So two things happened yesterday - we started him on prevacid and my brain was a bit fried as I had been up all night, but we have 3 things we need to work on until we actually start the therapy program... playing with food, smelling food, and not forcing him to eat.

My mom felt bad when she heard we were told NOT to force him to eat as she had been forcing him to eat out of frustration. I told her she was doing what she thought best and that it's not her fault.

So onward and upward right? This is something we can work on and hopefully we have a new boy in regards to food in the next few weeks. We did order freeze dried peas and corn and he loves those so we are finally getting vegetables to cross those lips of his...

At least we finally have a plan... that's a good thing right?