The one thing on this earth I thought I could count on was my mom's thoughts on this whole infertility thing. I was SOOOO wrong... yesterday after I peed on the holy hpt and came up big fat negative... I hid my hpt in my suitcase and came out of the bedroom. Somehow or other things turned to the topic of trying to have a baby and my mom said the 2 words no infertile ever wants to hear. "Just relax." I blew a gasket... I said "Mom that is terribly unhelpful - do you want to know what just relaxing got us... it got us an ectopic and 2 miscarriages... so just relaxing is not going to work. We've moved on from just relaxing to lets use modern science to knock us the hell up. So you have just said the most hurtful thing you could have possibly said to me. Just relax." My husband after this little diatribe came into the bedroom I had come back to and thrown the covers over my head and said... "You know she loves you right?" I said YES I KNOW THAT... but she needs to understand that that comment is not appropriate. He of course hugs me and says I know that - she doesn't totally understand it.
So tonight while baking cookies... I explained it to her. I explained why this was not helpful... I also explained that as long as I can laugh through my tears I'm okay. I'm not obsessed by this... (okay maybe a touch) but I'm able to look past this and see a bright side... there are bright sides to everything... I will live through this even though truthfully it doesn't feel like I will... and my puppy dogs and husband will live through this though all 4 of them have gotten on my last nerve lately... we're a team - granted a screwed up team... and we can count on one another...
So never tell someone to "Just relax." Cause next time... I'm probably going to have to throw something... and I've got a pretty good aim.
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