Thursday, February 21, 2008

What a difference a year makes...

I had every intention of putting up this post up on February 14th, however the broken toe, turkey incident shadowed that.

A year ago on Valentines day we seen for the third time the Not Negative... with his little heart beating, measuring on track body, sitting in the right place we were both excited and terrified. Every week we were panicky and scared that something would go wrong. Last year on Valentine's day I had 2 appointments - one with the RE and one with my OB... two totally different worlds.

The RE world - where they recognize that things don't always come easy and don't look at you as if you're nuts or paranoid for being anxious. Such a calming place to go as they "got" what we were feeling. The OB's office where things are taken a bit for granted. Where I was actually asked if I had 11 kids at home... where D wanted to have a gun so he could shoot someone so they would quit asking STUPID questions. Where I was given a purple folder with preregistration information at my 1st appointment... Never did fill out that preregistration stuff - WHOOPS.

Eventually we began to just see the OB and the stupid questions quit being asked. However I still remember all the appointments where my OB kept giving me the look of "relax already" and I wanted to punch him or at least kick him in the knee for giving me those looks. Then after Squeaker was born and the recap he had to shrug and say "We just don't know why PPROM occurs... and yes you are risk for that to happen again."

The year has been so wonderful on so many levels... and I am so thankful that I was able to have the lovely blog world be with me through that journey to motherhood... I do not say this often enough, but thank you for supporting me through all the crap I've been through. It has helped a lot - more than you know.

I'm not a social butterfly - I have only few friends. I haven't gotten "out there" to make new friends. D and I both are home bodies and we're okay with that. However there are times when I miss having close friends here near where I live... fortunately I can almost always get online and feel connected again to my internet friends and my friends in real life who now live far away. My coworkers are nice people, but I don't get invited to go out with them... and I don't feel included most of the time in the inner circle. Some days that's a great thing... other days it just makes you feel as if you're an outsider. I think for the most part i keep people at work at a distance- work is work and when I leave work I leave work. Yes, some of my patients will forever leave marks on my soul, but work does not own my soul and that I think is healthy for both me and my sanity.

I started this blog after having an ectopic and a d/c... since then many things have happened. All the emotions have been experienced and you have been able to watch me work through them. I am so very thankful for my internet/blog friends. I even sometimes feel like the popular girl - you know the one... the one you hated in high school - or is that just me who hated the popular girl in high school? Anyway I get to feel the love and not worry about what people think and that is a nice thing.

Fortunately Squeaker makes me feel as if I'm queen of the world and can accomplish anything. He's truly a happy little boy who is just a barrel of fun.


Thalia said...

Oh my the squeaker is quite the heartbreaker!

We are very lucky to have this community, aren't we? That's one of the reasons I don't love the tagging thing as it seems to play favourites which I don't think we need. But maybe that's just me.

DD said...

I would have kicked your OB and I'm sure at some point you were in a great position to do so.

So far my OB has been very accepting of my pessimism. Thank goodness.

One of the reasons I tagged DinoD is because she is who brought US together. Did you realize that?

Thanks for the recent pictures. I'm lucky I get to see him as often as I do.

Brandy said...

He is such a little doll!! Aiden had the same saucer and loved it!

Actually having a positive outlook for a pregnancy is difficult for anyone that has experienced a loss, much less someone that went through everything you did. I was shocked to find out I was pregnant again and even my husband is nervous about every pain or weird feeling or whatever the case may be. This is a wonderful community that accepts all of those feeling and (sadly enough) definitely understands.

Megan said...

Ummm, that sounded a little like a Dear John letter. You're not going to leave us are you?

I really enjoy your wit and snark. I hope you enjoy blogging half as much as I enjoy reading!

Rachel said...

I think the letter was great, and your son is adorable! I love those eyes.

As far as hating the popular girl, you weren't the only one. I love the blogging community too. It is easy to find people to connect with that you wouldn't have a reason to otherwise.

Maribeth said...

Oh Sam! He is just adorable! You and your Hubby have definitely been blessed!

DinosaurD said...

Dear Friend (as you are, you know).

Your son is absolutely adorable - can you believe how big he's getting?

Our babies do have the same saucer but my daughter managed to start scraping off the decals on the flip-over dohicky thing. Her new teeth are quite handy for things like that so we were forced to remove the dohicky and thread a fabric rattle through the resulting hole. I imagine Squeak is better behaved than our hooligan.

I was also glad to hear about the dogs as I have been wondering about them (because I do you know).

Hugs to Ernie (and yes, I DO know how weird it is that I say this frequently).


Kath said...

Dear Sami, indeed, what a year it's been. I don't know what I would have done without this community either -- it's so wonderful to have a corner where one's fears are acknowledged -- it's so much easier to cope with them then, instead of having to deal with the fears plus resentment at being dismissed so ignorantly...

Squeaker is just adorable. I'm so happy for you!

Mickey said...


Little Squeak is certainly a cutie-pie! I love his chin--he almost looks like a "little old man" with the shape of it! You've had quite the year, but you MADE it--and look what you have to show for it! A happy (tho' chaotic, yes)household with 6 dogs & 3 humans!