Saturday, May 12, 2007

Treading Water

The Dramalish's submission. Yes - I'm a sap. I'm fine with her statement that the film is cheezy, but truthfully I thought it explained better than I can even put into words how I feel. I may even direct my mil to see this film. I'll tell her to not speed ahead to the happy ending, but actually listen and read what she is saying, because that's where we are...

I think even the most empathetic and sympathetic people still cannot fathom infertility if they have not experienced it. I'm fine with trying to explain my feelings, but please quit looking at me as if I have 2 heads and thinking that I am filled with nothing but doom and gloom and seriously quit asking me if we're going to have another child after this one - because we haven't even gotten to this one yet. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

At work most people know that the Not Negative has hitched a ride... and that leads to questions. Questions I'm not really all that comfortable with... talk to me in September or October when I have a live baby in my hands is what I want to say. Yet - I can't. That's not polite and well - truthfully most of these individuals mean well. Instead I try to explain why I am the way I am... why I am reserved about this whole deal.

Even D doesn't totally get it. Infertility affected him, but it was different. (not that my feelings about it are all that sane, but they're different than his and yes he does have some scars from all of what we went through) it's just that he has settled into the comfort zone while I am still feeling like I got left out in the middle of the ocean with me and my trusty life jacket. My head is above water, but occasionally I get dunked and feel like I'm drowning. Mind you these feelings generally have absolutely nothing to do with the chaos at our house and everything to do with will this work out and if it doesn't what hole can I crawl into and what alcoholic beverages will I take with me.

So for now... I'm still here. I haven't inhaled too much water.

The puppies will be posting soon - more pictures next week of the little hoodlums - maybe even all 6... My in laws will be coming next week... I don't even know what to say about that other than I wish my mom was coming to help get things ready... it's easier when she's here and can be a buffer.

Thanks for listening to my rant, ramble, etc... I'm going with this is just hormones... right?


Maribeth said...

If the inlaws give you a problem, just tell them you are busy making them a grandchild and need your rest. Then go and nap! LOL. I know, I am evil!
Hang in there, Sam.

Kath said...

Dear Sami, I so hear what you're saying...