Thursday, November 22, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
So many things to say...
I know I've been quiet... I'm struggling to figure out what I want this blog to be. No I'm not thinking of giving up blogging... I'm just trying to figure out what I want this to be about and the bottom line is this blog is just about my life... infertility, pregnancy, motherhood, 6 dogs, marriage, cops, living with your mother... all of these things. Right now my life is fabulous. I'm truly happy and so very in love with Squeak that I swear I'm gushing... Anyway...
So this year Happy Thanksgiving to all of my friends... I am so thankful for all of you that have been on this magnificent journey to motherhood with me. I will post pictures soon... Squeak is constantly changing. His giggles and grins crack me up and just bring so much joy to my life that it's hard to explain. I have officially become a sap. I'm okay with that.
So Happy Thanksgiving - enjoy your day with your families. I will spend my day with D, Squeak, the six mongrels and my mom will be here Thursday night. My family will be with me... and I am going to enjoy the day with them.
So this year Happy Thanksgiving to all of my friends... I am so thankful for all of you that have been on this magnificent journey to motherhood with me. I will post pictures soon... Squeak is constantly changing. His giggles and grins crack me up and just bring so much joy to my life that it's hard to explain. I have officially become a sap. I'm okay with that.
So Happy Thanksgiving - enjoy your day with your families. I will spend my day with D, Squeak, the six mongrels and my mom will be here Thursday night. My family will be with me... and I am going to enjoy the day with them.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Hiccups, Hodge Podge & A Recipe!
Hiccups are something that occur frequently in our household. Squeak has a knack for having them show up about a half hour after he eats. I know this can be a sign of reflux, however he does not demonstrate any of the other signs of reflux so it's not a worry - it's just frustrating for him. It's probably more frustrating for D as he feels as if the poor thing is horribly bothered by them. Squeak just generally looks at you and "hiccups".
This weekend we are finally going to go pick up the crib. However of course there have been some hiccups in this plan. Weather is a factor as we do not have a vehicle large enough to carry the crib on the inside. So we will be strapping the crib to the roof of our vehicle and praying that the straps hold because I am too cheap to spend money on having it delivered to our house. We're hopefully going to put the crib up this weekend so that when I do go back to work Squeak has a place to sleep near my mom. She seems to think he's going to be a-okay with the sleeping in the crib. D and I of course think she's nuts, but what do we know and since we won't be home to hear Squeak throwing a hellacious hissy fit well then it'll be all right. D will take over when he gets home from work of course so the first few weeks should be interesting.
My FIL was here for a visit and to bring a freezer from my mom's. Fortunately the freezer survived the trip and my FIL enjoyed his visit with Squeak and not having to share him. I learned a few things. D's dad wishes that D was in a different line of work. I think he also regrets not spending as much time with D as he was growing up. I could just kind of get that sad thought when he talked about time going by so fast. I think regarding the job - D's dad was hopeful I would feel the same way. Unfortunately I don't. D loves his job and while yes being a cop carries a certain degree of danger... I'm aware of it, but I don't lose sleep over it. I'm more likely to bring a bug home from work that could have a major impact on our lives. Which is why I'll be stripping down the minute I hit the door and my scrubs are going to be on the sanitize cycle and washed separately from now on. When it was just me and D it wasn't a big deal... add Squeak in and it's a big deal. I'd hate for him to pick up something that I brought home.
My in laws and my mom will be coming up next week. My mom on Tueday night and then my in laws on Friday. We're celebrating Thanksgiving early as D's parents are spending it with his mother's family. (Don't even get me started about that... they could spend time with us, but it's his mother's family and unfortunately they tend to always get put first.)
In bigger news - alcohol and breast feeding... I'm of the opinion it's fine unless you get truly loaded. Everything in moderation and the timing. So enjoy if you are breast feeding. If you're not - enjoy it's still yummy!
PUDDING SHOTS
1 package of pudding mix (I'd go with sugar free white chocolate, but chocolate or vanilla is fine as well and can be sugar or no sugar)
1 cup milk
1/2 cup kahlua
1/2 cup Bailey's Irish Creme
1 tub (8 oz) cool whip (you can use fat free or light)
Some small plastic shot containers or just put it in a tub and make the shots up as you go along.
Mix the pudding and milk together, then add the kahlua and bailey's once incorporated mix the cool whip in. Place either in small plastic containers or in a large container and then place in the freezer.
Drizzle caramel or chocolate on top as you serve if desired. Otherwise just enjoy.
I thought if you didn't like Kahlua you could use buttershots (butterscotch schnapps) instead. Either way it's truly yummy. You could even consider it dessert.
This weekend we are finally going to go pick up the crib. However of course there have been some hiccups in this plan. Weather is a factor as we do not have a vehicle large enough to carry the crib on the inside. So we will be strapping the crib to the roof of our vehicle and praying that the straps hold because I am too cheap to spend money on having it delivered to our house. We're hopefully going to put the crib up this weekend so that when I do go back to work Squeak has a place to sleep near my mom. She seems to think he's going to be a-okay with the sleeping in the crib. D and I of course think she's nuts, but what do we know and since we won't be home to hear Squeak throwing a hellacious hissy fit well then it'll be all right. D will take over when he gets home from work of course so the first few weeks should be interesting.
My FIL was here for a visit and to bring a freezer from my mom's. Fortunately the freezer survived the trip and my FIL enjoyed his visit with Squeak and not having to share him. I learned a few things. D's dad wishes that D was in a different line of work. I think he also regrets not spending as much time with D as he was growing up. I could just kind of get that sad thought when he talked about time going by so fast. I think regarding the job - D's dad was hopeful I would feel the same way. Unfortunately I don't. D loves his job and while yes being a cop carries a certain degree of danger... I'm aware of it, but I don't lose sleep over it. I'm more likely to bring a bug home from work that could have a major impact on our lives. Which is why I'll be stripping down the minute I hit the door and my scrubs are going to be on the sanitize cycle and washed separately from now on. When it was just me and D it wasn't a big deal... add Squeak in and it's a big deal. I'd hate for him to pick up something that I brought home.
My in laws and my mom will be coming up next week. My mom on Tueday night and then my in laws on Friday. We're celebrating Thanksgiving early as D's parents are spending it with his mother's family. (Don't even get me started about that... they could spend time with us, but it's his mother's family and unfortunately they tend to always get put first.)
In bigger news - alcohol and breast feeding... I'm of the opinion it's fine unless you get truly loaded. Everything in moderation and the timing. So enjoy if you are breast feeding. If you're not - enjoy it's still yummy!
PUDDING SHOTS
1 package of pudding mix (I'd go with sugar free white chocolate, but chocolate or vanilla is fine as well and can be sugar or no sugar)
1 cup milk
1/2 cup kahlua
1/2 cup Bailey's Irish Creme
1 tub (8 oz) cool whip (you can use fat free or light)
Some small plastic shot containers or just put it in a tub and make the shots up as you go along.
Mix the pudding and milk together, then add the kahlua and bailey's once incorporated mix the cool whip in. Place either in small plastic containers or in a large container and then place in the freezer.
Drizzle caramel or chocolate on top as you serve if desired. Otherwise just enjoy.
I thought if you didn't like Kahlua you could use buttershots (butterscotch schnapps) instead. Either way it's truly yummy. You could even consider it dessert.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Not What He Expected...
A few weeks ago D, Squeak and myself were lying in bed and I was staring at Squeak in amazement that he was even here. I asked D "Did you think it would be like this?" His response was "No, I thought it would be awful and this is so much better than I thought it would be." I had to laugh at this because D wanted to have a child as much as I did and he never once let on that he thought it would be awful.
D is an amazing dad - though I am sure I am a bit biased. He's up to speed on how to clean all my pumping crap, feeding Squeak, cloth diapering, swaddling, bathing, etc. He does get a bit amazed or overwhelmed when he is confronted with a massive poop, but he's tackled it by "hosing" the wee one off as in his words "this is more than a 2 wipe job". He gets up with Squeak even when he's working. Ultimately I'm very lucky and I know this - I know it even more so on the days when D is at work. I'm a firm believer in parenting 50/50 and D is as well. Right now I do end up with more of the workload, but D does his fair share on the days he is off which makes my life simpler and a bit less stressful all around.
One of my close friends had a baby girl about 4 weeks after Squeak was born. Her little girl was born weighing in at 9 lbs 3 oz - so not a petite little peanut. When talking with her she has described her child in terms that are less than flattering. Colic has been mentioned. Crying, gassy, fussy, etc etc. I feel awful when she asks how Squeak is doing and I say "great, he's a mellow fellow." She laughs and asks what my secret is. Truthfully I have been fortunate to not have to employ a whole lot of tricks. It could also be we are used to getting up at least every 3 hours due to the puppies who for some odd reason started getting up every 3 hours at the beginning of June if we are home. D and I were given a DVD of the Happiest Baby on the Block and we finally watched it. I promptly put the DVD in the mail to my friend as I figured she really could use the help. She called me two days after receiving the DVD in the mail and said "I love you - She slept for 10 hours straight it was wonderful." I think she would have said the same thing to D if he had answered the phone. We do swaddle Squeak on occasion but for the most part he's left foot loose and fancy free. D when he heard how our friend's little girl was acting said "that's what I thought it would be like."
In other news - I have a new recipe called "pudding shots" that my mil made... yes booze is involved. Let me know if you want me to post it. Since I know most of us enjoy a nice alcoholic beverage and I'm pretty sure most of us enjoy dessert - this is a great combo of the two.
D is an amazing dad - though I am sure I am a bit biased. He's up to speed on how to clean all my pumping crap, feeding Squeak, cloth diapering, swaddling, bathing, etc. He does get a bit amazed or overwhelmed when he is confronted with a massive poop, but he's tackled it by "hosing" the wee one off as in his words "this is more than a 2 wipe job". He gets up with Squeak even when he's working. Ultimately I'm very lucky and I know this - I know it even more so on the days when D is at work. I'm a firm believer in parenting 50/50 and D is as well. Right now I do end up with more of the workload, but D does his fair share on the days he is off which makes my life simpler and a bit less stressful all around.
One of my close friends had a baby girl about 4 weeks after Squeak was born. Her little girl was born weighing in at 9 lbs 3 oz - so not a petite little peanut. When talking with her she has described her child in terms that are less than flattering. Colic has been mentioned. Crying, gassy, fussy, etc etc. I feel awful when she asks how Squeak is doing and I say "great, he's a mellow fellow." She laughs and asks what my secret is. Truthfully I have been fortunate to not have to employ a whole lot of tricks. It could also be we are used to getting up at least every 3 hours due to the puppies who for some odd reason started getting up every 3 hours at the beginning of June if we are home. D and I were given a DVD of the Happiest Baby on the Block and we finally watched it. I promptly put the DVD in the mail to my friend as I figured she really could use the help. She called me two days after receiving the DVD in the mail and said "I love you - She slept for 10 hours straight it was wonderful." I think she would have said the same thing to D if he had answered the phone. We do swaddle Squeak on occasion but for the most part he's left foot loose and fancy free. D when he heard how our friend's little girl was acting said "that's what I thought it would be like."
In other news - I have a new recipe called "pudding shots" that my mil made... yes booze is involved. Let me know if you want me to post it. Since I know most of us enjoy a nice alcoholic beverage and I'm pretty sure most of us enjoy dessert - this is a great combo of the two.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Two Months
Squeak is 2 months old... where has the time gone?
Friday found us at the pediatrician's office for his two month check up. He weighed in at 9 lbs 8 oz and 21 3/4 inches long. A little above the 10th percentile in both height and weight. The doctor was pleased with both of these numbers and basically said carry on. Squeak did get 4 shots that day including his R S V vaccine... which is a life saver, but is also a pricey shot. We had to fight quite a bit with D's 3rd party payor to get this particular bill taken care of. It was a huge pain in the *ss. He qualifies because of being born a tad undercooked and my job which is basically where all those little kids with R S V will go and sneeze and snot all over me. Can we all see I am so looking forward to going back to work? Why can't I be independently wealthy?
Friday also found D's parents coming to our house. It also became a day where I decided Squeak was going to breastfeed by golly. The boob came out at the ped's office and I was able to soothe the very upset little man at that time and somehow we managed to get through 2 days of breastfeeding. We did pump quite a bit the second day. I think I'm going to go back to the lactation consultants just to find out how much he takes in and talk with them about pumping vs breastfeeding exclusively etc. When you're used to the pump it's hard to transition back to breastfeeding or at least I am finding it to be difficult.
Squeak was a bit cranky after the 4 shots, but truthfully not awful. He's such a pleasant little guy that you notice when he's a crank. I felt bad for D's parents because the only people Squeak wanted was D or preferably me. They didn't get to see his frequent smiles, his new little giggle because if he was awake he was either really quiet or cranky. Saturday was a bit better fortunately, but he wasn't completely back to his normal self until Sunday.
I think my in laws enjoyed themselves... I know they enjoyed seeing Squeak. Though for some reason my FIL is very bowel obsessed. Squeak is quite the farter so D's dad spent a lot of his time saying "Are you filling your pants?" Where D or I would say - believe me if he's going number 2 we will all know it so no he's not and he's just passing some gas. It became a bit annoying.
My in laws are a bit passive aggressive at times so it's hard to not get frustrated with them - D's dad spent most of the weekend trying to tell me that we should buy a portion of a pig that is butchered to save money and a portion of a cow... (don't eat beef, and really do not eat that much pork)... my mil made up for that passive aggressiveness by bringing pudding shots... Let me just say they are wonderful... kahlua and baileys are just yummy add pudding and whip cream and put them in the freezer well it is a thing of beauty and I plan on making some soon because they would be nice to have on hand for well whenever you feel the urge to have something that feels decadent and is delicious and heck use fat free pudding and fat free cool whip and it would not be that bad for you right?
My mother is now officially retired. She is actually laid off and will start with her real retirement in March. She is thrilled at becoming Squeak's nanny. He's a night owl so I'm not sure she'll be as thrilled once she gets here. It should be interesting for all of us. On the bright side - D is looking forward to apple pie and home cooked meals as my mom is a fabulous cook and while I can cook - desserts are more my thing.
Ultimately 2 months... it truly does not seem like it's been that long. He's a beautiful, amazing, little boy who brings me joy on a daily basis. I'm still amazed and find myself pinching myself frequently because it feels as if it is a dream. How could I be so lucky? D feels the same way...
Monday, October 22, 2007
All is Well
All is well in the 6 canine and a baby household... Or at least it's as good as it can be with 6 dogs and a baby in it.
Today I had my post partum visit to my doctor... and let me just say someone seriously needed to check me over before leaving the house. If they had I would have noticed that my t-shirt that I wore clearly defined my breast pads that were in my nursing bra. If I had known that I would have worn a different shirt. I was horrified when I walked into the room and there was a mirror and voila I see my nursing pads horribly defined.
Anyway that was the highlight of my day... or lowlight depending on how you look at it. In talking with my doctor rehashing the pregnancy and actually rehashing the conclusion I had to ask the question... "Since my water broke prematurely this time does that mean that I would be at risk for that to happen again." Now normally my doctor is very hopeful, optimistic - almost too optimistic. He looked at me and he said "yes". He then went on to say that they don't know why PROM occurs and have no way to prevent it, but they would be on the look out for it to happen a second time if we choose to have a second child - blah blah blah blah. I'm a planner by nature and while I am completely on the fence right now about having a second child as I love and adore the first child, but cannot begin to even think about having a second one when I am only barely staying above water with the first I had to ask the question. I wouldn't have been me if I hadn't asked the question and listened to the answer. I also felt that just asking the question was kind of like counting the chickens before they were hatched - not a good idea.
In other news breastfeeding - yeah well maybe once a day sometimes twice. We both are happier with the situation of pumping and getting it and both of us have to be either exhausted or starving which happens at least once a day. Ultimately we do our best and I'm no longer beating myself up about how he gets the breastmilk. I'm just happy that he does get breast milk.
We have his 8 week check up coming up on Friday. It is hard to believe it has been 8 weeks to me it seems like yesterday and in other ways it seems like an eternity has passed.
In funny ha ha dog news -
D is threatening to soak a pacifier (you know the ones from the hospital the s**thie kind) in pepper spray as the dogs have destroyed at least 4 of them in their "love" of these things... I think they would steal them directly from Squeak if they could. Right now we hide them - they find them. So if it's not in a drawer they consider it fair game and I'm not sure, but I think they're trying to figure out how to open the drawer to get to the pacifier. If it was one dog we could just say "BAD DOG". It's 4 dogs the only 2 that are not on the pacifier feast is the two puppies... the rest of the dogs can sniff them out. It's just plain weird. How do they know I hid the pacifier under 3 pillows?
Today I had my post partum visit to my doctor... and let me just say someone seriously needed to check me over before leaving the house. If they had I would have noticed that my t-shirt that I wore clearly defined my breast pads that were in my nursing bra. If I had known that I would have worn a different shirt. I was horrified when I walked into the room and there was a mirror and voila I see my nursing pads horribly defined.
Anyway that was the highlight of my day... or lowlight depending on how you look at it. In talking with my doctor rehashing the pregnancy and actually rehashing the conclusion I had to ask the question... "Since my water broke prematurely this time does that mean that I would be at risk for that to happen again." Now normally my doctor is very hopeful, optimistic - almost too optimistic. He looked at me and he said "yes". He then went on to say that they don't know why PROM occurs and have no way to prevent it, but they would be on the look out for it to happen a second time if we choose to have a second child - blah blah blah blah. I'm a planner by nature and while I am completely on the fence right now about having a second child as I love and adore the first child, but cannot begin to even think about having a second one when I am only barely staying above water with the first I had to ask the question. I wouldn't have been me if I hadn't asked the question and listened to the answer. I also felt that just asking the question was kind of like counting the chickens before they were hatched - not a good idea.
In other news breastfeeding - yeah well maybe once a day sometimes twice. We both are happier with the situation of pumping and getting it and both of us have to be either exhausted or starving which happens at least once a day. Ultimately we do our best and I'm no longer beating myself up about how he gets the breastmilk. I'm just happy that he does get breast milk.
We have his 8 week check up coming up on Friday. It is hard to believe it has been 8 weeks to me it seems like yesterday and in other ways it seems like an eternity has passed.
In funny ha ha dog news -
D is threatening to soak a pacifier (you know the ones from the hospital the s**thie kind) in pepper spray as the dogs have destroyed at least 4 of them in their "love" of these things... I think they would steal them directly from Squeak if they could. Right now we hide them - they find them. So if it's not in a drawer they consider it fair game and I'm not sure, but I think they're trying to figure out how to open the drawer to get to the pacifier. If it was one dog we could just say "BAD DOG". It's 4 dogs the only 2 that are not on the pacifier feast is the two puppies... the rest of the dogs can sniff them out. It's just plain weird. How do they know I hid the pacifier under 3 pillows?
Monday, October 15, 2007
October 15th Pregnancy & Infant Loss Rememberance Day
Tonight I lit a candle for all the pregnancies that I've lost... in my arms I held the pregnancy that came to be Squeaker. Cherishing him does not minimize those pregnancies that never came to be... but it reminds me of what I did lose. So tonight I'll cherish my Squeaker and remember his brothers and sisters who never came to be... and in the future if he ever asks I'll explain to him like my mother did to me... just how he came to be and how much we lost before he came to be.
Many hugs to all those who are remembering and for all those that we have lost...
Many hugs to all those who are remembering and for all those that we have lost...
Friday, October 12, 2007
Seriously - it's been 6 weeks already?
Where the hell has the time gone?
Truthfully I'd say it has been spent napping and pumping and changing, but I could be wrong. Today Squeaky aka South Dakota (DD thought you'd like that) is 6 weeks old. I of course am biased, but the little guy is absolutely precious and adorable. He's really a great kid. I hope I feel that way during his teenage years. Do not worry I am not wishing the time to fly -in all honesty I wish that I could spend more time at home with him than the 10 weeks I will. I wish we had a better FMLA policy that allowed you to get paid to be home with your child for longer... However wish in one hand and sh*t in the other and see which fills up first. The place I work may be one of the top 100 for working mothers... but it isn't that great.
In the last 6 weeks I have learned how to pump and warm a bottle half asleep. Learned that Squeaky hates his cradle because he wiggles too much and ends up with his legs sticking out the side. Learned never to schedule a photo shoot for your little one on the weekend - way too many people those days. That these photo places try to take advantage of you by preying on your emotions - "aww isn't that cute, don't you want to spend 14.99 rather than 3.99 a sheet for that pose?" Yeah uhm no. That pumping is okay. It may not be breastfeeding completely, but my child is receiving breastmilk and it may not be the exact way I wanted him to receive it he is getting all the benefits of it that he can. So I am okay with that. He is okay with that and he's probably a svelte 8 lbs at this point. He's gaining and that's the part that matters.
I've learned that Ernie is the jealous one of the bunch. That all the dogs love things that have breastmilk or spit up on them and that when Ernie gets pissed he steals something of the baby's. Generally a soothie pacifier if it's available... if not that then a cloth diaper, burp rag, t-shirt, etc. I've learned that Lola adores the baby and will sit and stare at him, climb into his pappasan chair or act like a prairie dog and stare at his swing if given the opportunity.
I've learned that D is a wonderful father who is even more sappy about Squeaky than I am. That watching him deal with a blowout is hillarious comedy.
I've learned that way too many people want to ask "are you going to have another?" Rather than "Are you enjoying Squeaky?" That particular question the first not the second is one I don't have the answer for. Talk to me in 2-3 years... then I'll know the answer. Right now I'm enjoying Squeaky. He's more than enough for me right at this very moment.
In a few short weeks our lives will change again... my mother will live with us and I will have to return to work. Until then - we're enjoying one another and the quite before those big changes occur. We're happy and that is truly all that I can ask for.
Truthfully I'd say it has been spent napping and pumping and changing, but I could be wrong. Today Squeaky aka South Dakota (DD thought you'd like that) is 6 weeks old. I of course am biased, but the little guy is absolutely precious and adorable. He's really a great kid. I hope I feel that way during his teenage years. Do not worry I am not wishing the time to fly -in all honesty I wish that I could spend more time at home with him than the 10 weeks I will. I wish we had a better FMLA policy that allowed you to get paid to be home with your child for longer... However wish in one hand and sh*t in the other and see which fills up first. The place I work may be one of the top 100 for working mothers... but it isn't that great.
In the last 6 weeks I have learned how to pump and warm a bottle half asleep. Learned that Squeaky hates his cradle because he wiggles too much and ends up with his legs sticking out the side. Learned never to schedule a photo shoot for your little one on the weekend - way too many people those days. That these photo places try to take advantage of you by preying on your emotions - "aww isn't that cute, don't you want to spend 14.99 rather than 3.99 a sheet for that pose?" Yeah uhm no. That pumping is okay. It may not be breastfeeding completely, but my child is receiving breastmilk and it may not be the exact way I wanted him to receive it he is getting all the benefits of it that he can. So I am okay with that. He is okay with that and he's probably a svelte 8 lbs at this point. He's gaining and that's the part that matters.
I've learned that Ernie is the jealous one of the bunch. That all the dogs love things that have breastmilk or spit up on them and that when Ernie gets pissed he steals something of the baby's. Generally a soothie pacifier if it's available... if not that then a cloth diaper, burp rag, t-shirt, etc. I've learned that Lola adores the baby and will sit and stare at him, climb into his pappasan chair or act like a prairie dog and stare at his swing if given the opportunity.
I've learned that D is a wonderful father who is even more sappy about Squeaky than I am. That watching him deal with a blowout is hillarious comedy.
I've learned that way too many people want to ask "are you going to have another?" Rather than "Are you enjoying Squeaky?" That particular question the first not the second is one I don't have the answer for. Talk to me in 2-3 years... then I'll know the answer. Right now I'm enjoying Squeaky. He's more than enough for me right at this very moment.
In a few short weeks our lives will change again... my mother will live with us and I will have to return to work. Until then - we're enjoying one another and the quite before those big changes occur. We're happy and that is truly all that I can ask for.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Due Date
Back in January when the first test showed up positive this day was just a dream.
Today I woke up to reality... and have been doing so for the last month. It's a wonderful reality even with the challenges this little guy has thrown our way.
He's working on his head control. He smiles (at least it certainly seems like he smiles) and he's beautiful and I'm still in awe that D and I produced this little miracle.
I'll try to post more pics soon... Know that I'm reading... not commenting, but reading and surviving.
Today I woke up to reality... and have been doing so for the last month. It's a wonderful reality even with the challenges this little guy has thrown our way.
He's working on his head control. He smiles (at least it certainly seems like he smiles) and he's beautiful and I'm still in awe that D and I produced this little miracle.
I'll try to post more pics soon... Know that I'm reading... not commenting, but reading and surviving.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
One Day and a Few Hours
Then D will be off for three days...
I've missed my husband. Even though he comes home - gives Squeaky and myself a kiss then promptly takes Squeaky from me to have some "daddy time." It's just not the same as having him home with me.
Granted I felt that way before the Squeaker came into our lives, but now I miss him more... for a lot of reasons - not including that he can wrangle the six mongrels and take care of them while I handle the Squeaker but because he makes this whole parenting thing easier.
My mom and D's parents keep calling to check on us... meaning Squeaky and me... D's dad has offered to come help. D and I have talked about that and truthfully FIL would be more work rather than less and would not make things easier. He means well, but we're doing okay. It's weird having this many people wanting to make sure that we're okay...
Breastfeeding is hit or miss... he still falls asleep at the wheel. My n*pples still are sore but we're still trying. Probably at least every other feed. Half the time he's still asleep or not receptive to the boob and there's only so much rejection a girl can take.
I dreamed that things in the breastfeeding department would be easier. Heck my sister did it, my friends did it... why can't I do it? I had similar feelings about the c-section and water breaking... my sister had the regular plain jane old delivery where they had to break her water and then they had a baby. Why did things have to become so complicated for us? Hadn't we gone through enough crap already to get to this point.
So I'm done whining now... I'll be back to normal shortly. In other news - a good friend is going to have her baby girl tomorrow by c-section. I can't wait to meet her and see her parents become parents.
I've missed my husband. Even though he comes home - gives Squeaky and myself a kiss then promptly takes Squeaky from me to have some "daddy time." It's just not the same as having him home with me.
Granted I felt that way before the Squeaker came into our lives, but now I miss him more... for a lot of reasons - not including that he can wrangle the six mongrels and take care of them while I handle the Squeaker but because he makes this whole parenting thing easier.
My mom and D's parents keep calling to check on us... meaning Squeaky and me... D's dad has offered to come help. D and I have talked about that and truthfully FIL would be more work rather than less and would not make things easier. He means well, but we're doing okay. It's weird having this many people wanting to make sure that we're okay...
Breastfeeding is hit or miss... he still falls asleep at the wheel. My n*pples still are sore but we're still trying. Probably at least every other feed. Half the time he's still asleep or not receptive to the boob and there's only so much rejection a girl can take.
I dreamed that things in the breastfeeding department would be easier. Heck my sister did it, my friends did it... why can't I do it? I had similar feelings about the c-section and water breaking... my sister had the regular plain jane old delivery where they had to break her water and then they had a baby. Why did things have to become so complicated for us? Hadn't we gone through enough crap already to get to this point.
So I'm done whining now... I'll be back to normal shortly. In other news - a good friend is going to have her baby girl tomorrow by c-section. I can't wait to meet her and see her parents become parents.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
On My Own...
Warning - prepare to listen to the ravings of a crazy lady :)
That crazy lady is me...
Squeaky and I are on our own tonight. This is the first time I've been left to care for my son since he was born. I'm the only adult in this house and I am responsible for Squeaky and for the six dogs.
I know it is a luxury that I somehow managed to have D here for two weeks and my mom and D's parents here the first week we were home. Either way I'm on my own now and tonight I realized how much I rely on D. With breastfeeding still a sore subject (I'm still pumping and feeding, but the whole latching thing is hit or miss and with his weight gain we still have to supplement him with a bottle of breast milk)that means feeding takes forever. I know I'm whining here. However my time is limited by feeding him and then pumping for 15-20 minutes so that I keep my supply up. When D was home he'd do the feeding of Squeaky so I could pump. I have no idea how it will work during the day tomorrow when D is trying to sleep - should be interesting.
Squeaky has finally started waking up for feeds, but again this is a hit or miss thing so that means I still have to set my alarm clock to go off if I lay down at all because if he misses a feed then that's calories he's not getting and (yes, I'm an anal retentive nurse who is fearful of having the diagnosis failure to thrive) well my nursing skills say - he has to eat every 3 hours at a minimum. Sometimes he eats all that I prepare other times the last 10 cc is always a struggle... he falls asleep at the wheel... or he's so sleepy at feeding times that it's a joke of us stripping him naked, cool cloth etc. I know some people think this is a great thing - sleepy baby = good. It's not. I feel awful and so does D when we have to resort to this. However we'd really like to get off the fortifier and if this is what we have to do then so be it.
Tonight Squeaky nursed and nursed and nursed, but was still a starving marvin... I know how much I produce and pumped that amount so it means Squeaky sucks at sucking still. It may feel like a hoover, but apparently the boy isn't doing it properly. We go back to the lactation consultant on Thursday - he had improved from the last time he was at the breast, but still is significantly below par and falls asleep at the boob.
I love this little guy and know that I can handle taking care of him and the dogs... it just is a bit overwhelming at first. Squeaky cries because he's hungry the dogs bark because Squeaky is crying and while Squeaky will always come first it's nice when the dogs don't bark and the baby doesn't cry at the same time. I spent a good 15 minutes with both of those things occurring and two dogs following me as I tried to warm up the breast milk for Squeaky... Lola and Ernie were a bit frantic that I wasn't taking care of Squeaky fast enough...
So stay tuned... we'll see how the rest of the night goes. I've managed to survive about 8 hours on my own and no dogs were lost and Squeaky is currently sleeping in my lap. Hopefully the next few hours will go by smoothly and I survive the next 3 nights while D works.
That crazy lady is me...
Squeaky and I are on our own tonight. This is the first time I've been left to care for my son since he was born. I'm the only adult in this house and I am responsible for Squeaky and for the six dogs.
I know it is a luxury that I somehow managed to have D here for two weeks and my mom and D's parents here the first week we were home. Either way I'm on my own now and tonight I realized how much I rely on D. With breastfeeding still a sore subject (I'm still pumping and feeding, but the whole latching thing is hit or miss and with his weight gain we still have to supplement him with a bottle of breast milk)that means feeding takes forever. I know I'm whining here. However my time is limited by feeding him and then pumping for 15-20 minutes so that I keep my supply up. When D was home he'd do the feeding of Squeaky so I could pump. I have no idea how it will work during the day tomorrow when D is trying to sleep - should be interesting.
Squeaky has finally started waking up for feeds, but again this is a hit or miss thing so that means I still have to set my alarm clock to go off if I lay down at all because if he misses a feed then that's calories he's not getting and (yes, I'm an anal retentive nurse who is fearful of having the diagnosis failure to thrive) well my nursing skills say - he has to eat every 3 hours at a minimum. Sometimes he eats all that I prepare other times the last 10 cc is always a struggle... he falls asleep at the wheel... or he's so sleepy at feeding times that it's a joke of us stripping him naked, cool cloth etc. I know some people think this is a great thing - sleepy baby = good. It's not. I feel awful and so does D when we have to resort to this. However we'd really like to get off the fortifier and if this is what we have to do then so be it.
Tonight Squeaky nursed and nursed and nursed, but was still a starving marvin... I know how much I produce and pumped that amount so it means Squeaky sucks at sucking still. It may feel like a hoover, but apparently the boy isn't doing it properly. We go back to the lactation consultant on Thursday - he had improved from the last time he was at the breast, but still is significantly below par and falls asleep at the boob.
I love this little guy and know that I can handle taking care of him and the dogs... it just is a bit overwhelming at first. Squeaky cries because he's hungry the dogs bark because Squeaky is crying and while Squeaky will always come first it's nice when the dogs don't bark and the baby doesn't cry at the same time. I spent a good 15 minutes with both of those things occurring and two dogs following me as I tried to warm up the breast milk for Squeaky... Lola and Ernie were a bit frantic that I wasn't taking care of Squeaky fast enough...
So stay tuned... we'll see how the rest of the night goes. I've managed to survive about 8 hours on my own and no dogs were lost and Squeaky is currently sleeping in my lap. Hopefully the next few hours will go by smoothly and I survive the next 3 nights while D works.
Monday, September 17, 2007
3 Years
September 18, 2004 I married D.
I would do it again in a heartbeat... he's been a rock through all the shit we've been dealt and he is a wonderful father. I am amazed and just in awe at the love and care that he shows Squeaky... I am truly blessed to have a wonderful husband... and our little early anniversary present Squeaky.
* I'm writing this about an hour early, but it's for a good reason. D is currently attempting to feed Squeaky. Squeaky is now stripped down to his diaper in the hopes he'll actually eat what he's supposed to and in this moment I am more in love with my husband than I was five minutes ago. Granted he could have refrained from saying that Squeaky was acting as stubborn as his mother, but he's forgiven for the love that he shows me and our son.
So this year's anniversary is so very different than last year... and we have the very best anniversary present a couple could ask for... a beautiful, obstinate, sleepy son.
And right now... life is beautiful as I listen to my husband laugh at Squeaky's noises and the dogs are quiet.
My hope for this year of marriage may it be better than last and our love continue to grow...
I love you and I always will...
I would do it again in a heartbeat... he's been a rock through all the shit we've been dealt and he is a wonderful father. I am amazed and just in awe at the love and care that he shows Squeaky... I am truly blessed to have a wonderful husband... and our little early anniversary present Squeaky.
* I'm writing this about an hour early, but it's for a good reason. D is currently attempting to feed Squeaky. Squeaky is now stripped down to his diaper in the hopes he'll actually eat what he's supposed to and in this moment I am more in love with my husband than I was five minutes ago. Granted he could have refrained from saying that Squeaky was acting as stubborn as his mother, but he's forgiven for the love that he shows me and our son.
So this year's anniversary is so very different than last year... and we have the very best anniversary present a couple could ask for... a beautiful, obstinate, sleepy son.
And right now... life is beautiful as I listen to my husband laugh at Squeaky's noises and the dogs are quiet.
My hope for this year of marriage may it be better than last and our love continue to grow...
I love you and I always will...
Two Weeks and Change...
Right now my son is sitting in my lap.
You read that right... my son.
If someone would have told me back in January that things would actually work out I would have looked at them with a jaded eye and said "don't patronize me." My cynicism regarding pregnancies and the possibility of them actually working out was kept pretty close to myself... D and I didn't even flinch with a positive pregnancy test... we were used to those. As the stakes were raised - it was in the uterus... it had a heartbeat... we had bleeding... it still had a heartbeat with appropriate growth... etc etc. Things still seemed like a work of fiction. This wasn't happening to us... it was just a figment of our imagination. Something bad would happen to jeopardize this something wonderful in our lives.
That didn't stop us from bonding with Squeaky while he was inside... it just made us very pessimistic when talking about the future. I spent most of the first trimester in disbelief... same goes for the second trimester. By the time the third rolled around I had to face facts that this was a possibility - yet I worried that something would go wrong. I prayed nightly and daily that we would have our son. D did as well. I had nightmares - of my water breaking and a foot coming out. How odd since at the time we didn't know Squeaky was breech. Fortunately that nightmare did not become a reality - though when I realized my water broke that did cross my mind. Thank goodness Squeaky's ass was firmly implanted on my cervix or a foot could have occurred.
On the drive home after my water broke at work all I did was try to call D and pray... pray that if he was coming that day that he would be okay... that he wouldn't end up in the NICU... that he wasn't in any distress... that he would just be okay. I didn't let on my worry to D until we were finally at the hospital and the doctors mentioned the NICU team that would be there. Then D began to worry. Even knowing the possibility was slim that he would need to go to NICU and my doctor was of course overly reassuring knowing that it was a part of the "routine for preterm labors and c-sections" added a level of anxiety that I truly didn't need at the time.
Now two weeks and change later I can say yes all that anxiety was worth it. Squeaky may not nurse worth a damn (maybe for 5 minutes if that) so we pump (yes he's a lazy white boy who would rather sleep than eat). We've been to the lactatioin consultant two times since we came home (4 times while we were in the hospital) and a third time on this coming Wednesday. We're still on fortifier for his feedings... he's as of Friday the 14th 6 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long. So we haven't given up hope of actually breastfeeding rather than pumping, but it's been a challenge and a struggle that's for sure.
The dogs are in love with him... and we still love the dogs. D will go back to work on Sunday... and I'm slightly terrified, but also know that with all we've been through we can get through this as well and make it work.
Ultimately I am happy... and my son now needs to eat. So I must pump...
You read that right... my son.
If someone would have told me back in January that things would actually work out I would have looked at them with a jaded eye and said "don't patronize me." My cynicism regarding pregnancies and the possibility of them actually working out was kept pretty close to myself... D and I didn't even flinch with a positive pregnancy test... we were used to those. As the stakes were raised - it was in the uterus... it had a heartbeat... we had bleeding... it still had a heartbeat with appropriate growth... etc etc. Things still seemed like a work of fiction. This wasn't happening to us... it was just a figment of our imagination. Something bad would happen to jeopardize this something wonderful in our lives.
That didn't stop us from bonding with Squeaky while he was inside... it just made us very pessimistic when talking about the future. I spent most of the first trimester in disbelief... same goes for the second trimester. By the time the third rolled around I had to face facts that this was a possibility - yet I worried that something would go wrong. I prayed nightly and daily that we would have our son. D did as well. I had nightmares - of my water breaking and a foot coming out. How odd since at the time we didn't know Squeaky was breech. Fortunately that nightmare did not become a reality - though when I realized my water broke that did cross my mind. Thank goodness Squeaky's ass was firmly implanted on my cervix or a foot could have occurred.
On the drive home after my water broke at work all I did was try to call D and pray... pray that if he was coming that day that he would be okay... that he wouldn't end up in the NICU... that he wasn't in any distress... that he would just be okay. I didn't let on my worry to D until we were finally at the hospital and the doctors mentioned the NICU team that would be there. Then D began to worry. Even knowing the possibility was slim that he would need to go to NICU and my doctor was of course overly reassuring knowing that it was a part of the "routine for preterm labors and c-sections" added a level of anxiety that I truly didn't need at the time.
Now two weeks and change later I can say yes all that anxiety was worth it. Squeaky may not nurse worth a damn (maybe for 5 minutes if that) so we pump (yes he's a lazy white boy who would rather sleep than eat). We've been to the lactatioin consultant two times since we came home (4 times while we were in the hospital) and a third time on this coming Wednesday. We're still on fortifier for his feedings... he's as of Friday the 14th 6 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long. So we haven't given up hope of actually breastfeeding rather than pumping, but it's been a challenge and a struggle that's for sure.
The dogs are in love with him... and we still love the dogs. D will go back to work on Sunday... and I'm slightly terrified, but also know that with all we've been through we can get through this as well and make it work.
Ultimately I am happy... and my son now needs to eat. So I must pump...
Friday, September 07, 2007
1 week...
What a week it has been....
We came home on Monday - oddly enough Labor Day in the US. Feeding issues abounded of course. We were still trying the every 3 hour thing. Which seemed to be working.
Tuesday came and our first doctor's appointment. Squeaky weighed in at 5 lbs 8 oz. Down another ounce from discharge weight... so we were told to increase his feedings to every 2-2.5 hours. Yes - you read that right - 2-2.5 hours. This includes pumping - trying to get him to latch on and well you now are getting an idea of how things have been going. We also had his bilirubin checked and it came back at 13.4 so we became the proud renters of a bili blanket.
Wednesday was spent saying goodbye to my in laws... wishing D was not going to work - his fmla would start on Friday - guilt... oh the guilt. D thought he could go back to work then Squeaky decided to add the bili blanket and the 2 hour feedings and D got to see his wife (me) go I am not going to be doing this alone with the help of my mom. D agreed and told the chief that he had to be there for me and Squeaky.
Thursday came with me taking Squeaky to the ped's office for yet another blood draw aka heel poke and I asked for another weight check. He was still 5 lbs 8 oz. Talk about frustration. Lab results came back at 13.1 for the bili and we earned yet another night with the blanket and a recheck in the afternoon. Fortifier aka protein powder as D calls it to be added to his breastmilk that I pump.
Friday - 1 week old today. I can hardly believe that this whirl wind has been my personal story... today's blood test showed that the blanket is working - 10.3 for the bili and his weight at the lactation consultant was up 5 lbs 10 oz (I believe this scale a heck of a lot more than the ped's office as it's digital.) My nipples are on a rest from breastfeeding so I will be pumping until at the earliest Tuesday. Squeaky was making mincemeat of them. The bili blanket is on until at least Monday.
My dial-up is acting up so I will try to post a picture soon... in the meantime... we're here - we're alive... and we're so very in love with the pip squeak... aka Squeaky.
We came home on Monday - oddly enough Labor Day in the US. Feeding issues abounded of course. We were still trying the every 3 hour thing. Which seemed to be working.
Tuesday came and our first doctor's appointment. Squeaky weighed in at 5 lbs 8 oz. Down another ounce from discharge weight... so we were told to increase his feedings to every 2-2.5 hours. Yes - you read that right - 2-2.5 hours. This includes pumping - trying to get him to latch on and well you now are getting an idea of how things have been going. We also had his bilirubin checked and it came back at 13.4 so we became the proud renters of a bili blanket.
Wednesday was spent saying goodbye to my in laws... wishing D was not going to work - his fmla would start on Friday - guilt... oh the guilt. D thought he could go back to work then Squeaky decided to add the bili blanket and the 2 hour feedings and D got to see his wife (me) go I am not going to be doing this alone with the help of my mom. D agreed and told the chief that he had to be there for me and Squeaky.
Thursday came with me taking Squeaky to the ped's office for yet another blood draw aka heel poke and I asked for another weight check. He was still 5 lbs 8 oz. Talk about frustration. Lab results came back at 13.1 for the bili and we earned yet another night with the blanket and a recheck in the afternoon. Fortifier aka protein powder as D calls it to be added to his breastmilk that I pump.
Friday - 1 week old today. I can hardly believe that this whirl wind has been my personal story... today's blood test showed that the blanket is working - 10.3 for the bili and his weight at the lactation consultant was up 5 lbs 10 oz (I believe this scale a heck of a lot more than the ped's office as it's digital.) My nipples are on a rest from breastfeeding so I will be pumping until at the earliest Tuesday. Squeaky was making mincemeat of them. The bili blanket is on until at least Monday.
My dial-up is acting up so I will try to post a picture soon... in the meantime... we're here - we're alive... and we're so very in love with the pip squeak... aka Squeaky.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Birth Story
I decided that I probably should try and write things out to describe what exactly happened before mothers amnesia commences. SO... below is how things went.
I worked on Thursday night into Friday morning. It was normal - nothiing unusual had happened. I was feeling relatively "okay" in terms of fatigue. I had had to go to the bathroom a few times during the night but no big deal. Then at about 4 a.m. I went to go to the bathroom and thought that I had had some leakage of urine. Again no bg deal. By 5 a.m. that leakage was pink and I was a bit nervous. So I calmly asked my fellow coworkers if they by chance knew how to tell if someone's water had broken. Everyone immediately looked at my nether region as if to see a big giant wet puddle - which was not there. They then went into panic mode which for a bunch of ICU nurses is kind of comical if you think about it.
Eventually we tried to get labor and delivery to send us some special test strip to figure out if it truly was amniotic fluid or if I had just had a sudden loss of bladder control. They wouldn't go for that so I ended up speaking with the on call physician - who advised us to come in and be checked. At that point I was still doing pretty good. An occasional contraction, but again - was it really a contraction or my over reactive imagination? I finished up what I was doing, gave report on my patient and then tried to call D. D was at home sleeping... SOUNDLY... I left a message and headed home to pick him up and then drive to the hospital.
I chose to not deliver at the hospital at which I work... if I had been checked there they would have delivered me there since we now know my water had actually broken. So it was a good thing I did make the choices I made. However it also meant I got to the hospital about 2 hours after the fact.
I eventually got a hold of D and he thought I was kidding. We hadn't had a bag packed yet as that was going to be done this weekend so he scrambled to get that done while I drove home. By the time I got home I was sure it was indeed my water that had broken and I was having contractions about every 10 minutes apart. We eventually got on the road to the hospital - still calm once we found the camera. Apologized to the dogs and attempted to get a hold of my mom to hopefully be able to take care of the puppies.
Enroute to the hospital the contractions were getting a bit more forceful and closer together - we were at 5-8 minutes apart when we hit the doors of the hospital. My coworkers relieved that I had D and I was no longer driving myself anywhere. I was thankful to have D as well as driving would have been a challenge for me at that point.
We checked in - answered multiple questions got the "you poor dear" look multiple times when discussing what number pregnancy this was for me and eventually they checked and I was 2 cm dilated. Samuel was indeed still breech and trying to make his presence known.
My doctor showed up and said "guess we don't need to even have that conversation about the version anymore since that is no longer an option." 10:00 a.m. was the slated time for me to get to the OR. It was 8:30 when they had checked me the first time and at 9:15 when they checked again I was already 4 cm dilated so 10 a.m. could not come soon enough.
It seemed like forever before they drew blood, started the IV etc, and at the time I could only focus on little things. I became a person who watched the clock. 10 a.m. was the promised land time. Eventually the anesthesiologist got in there and we were able to finally head to the OR. At that time I was having contractions every 1-2 minutes and they were definitely hurting. It was all back labor so the only positions that felt comfortable did not allow anyone to watch Samuel on the monitor. They gave up on that and we were able to get my spinal in and about 30 minutes later Samuel was born.
His apgars were 8 and 9 so excellent. He had the neonatal nurse practitioner present at his birth due to his early arrival. When in recovery we found out that his blood sugar was low and his temperature was low so we spent quite a bit of time in recovery and then Friday and Saturday he had his blood sugar checked every 3 hours prior to meals. Poor guys little heels have definitely taken a beating.
We're still having breastfeeding issues, but things are better than they were. A large part of the problem is that he is undercooked. He's going to take longer to figure this out than a term baby. We just have to be patient and things will all settle in.
We're very in love with the little man and are so happy that he's now here. Even if his arrival was not how I planned - I'm just happy he's here. He's healthy and he's doing fine. So are D and myself.
The dogs are fine - though we apparently need to produce a "how to take care of your grand dogs" video for our parents. 2 grandmothers and a grandfather and they are calling frequently to make sure of how they're supposed to do things. We should be out of the hospital tomorrow and life as we know it will definitely change. We're both looking forward to our own bed though. That's for certain.
I worked on Thursday night into Friday morning. It was normal - nothiing unusual had happened. I was feeling relatively "okay" in terms of fatigue. I had had to go to the bathroom a few times during the night but no big deal. Then at about 4 a.m. I went to go to the bathroom and thought that I had had some leakage of urine. Again no bg deal. By 5 a.m. that leakage was pink and I was a bit nervous. So I calmly asked my fellow coworkers if they by chance knew how to tell if someone's water had broken. Everyone immediately looked at my nether region as if to see a big giant wet puddle - which was not there. They then went into panic mode which for a bunch of ICU nurses is kind of comical if you think about it.
Eventually we tried to get labor and delivery to send us some special test strip to figure out if it truly was amniotic fluid or if I had just had a sudden loss of bladder control. They wouldn't go for that so I ended up speaking with the on call physician - who advised us to come in and be checked. At that point I was still doing pretty good. An occasional contraction, but again - was it really a contraction or my over reactive imagination? I finished up what I was doing, gave report on my patient and then tried to call D. D was at home sleeping... SOUNDLY... I left a message and headed home to pick him up and then drive to the hospital.
I chose to not deliver at the hospital at which I work... if I had been checked there they would have delivered me there since we now know my water had actually broken. So it was a good thing I did make the choices I made. However it also meant I got to the hospital about 2 hours after the fact.
I eventually got a hold of D and he thought I was kidding. We hadn't had a bag packed yet as that was going to be done this weekend so he scrambled to get that done while I drove home. By the time I got home I was sure it was indeed my water that had broken and I was having contractions about every 10 minutes apart. We eventually got on the road to the hospital - still calm once we found the camera. Apologized to the dogs and attempted to get a hold of my mom to hopefully be able to take care of the puppies.
Enroute to the hospital the contractions were getting a bit more forceful and closer together - we were at 5-8 minutes apart when we hit the doors of the hospital. My coworkers relieved that I had D and I was no longer driving myself anywhere. I was thankful to have D as well as driving would have been a challenge for me at that point.
We checked in - answered multiple questions got the "you poor dear" look multiple times when discussing what number pregnancy this was for me and eventually they checked and I was 2 cm dilated. Samuel was indeed still breech and trying to make his presence known.
My doctor showed up and said "guess we don't need to even have that conversation about the version anymore since that is no longer an option." 10:00 a.m. was the slated time for me to get to the OR. It was 8:30 when they had checked me the first time and at 9:15 when they checked again I was already 4 cm dilated so 10 a.m. could not come soon enough.
It seemed like forever before they drew blood, started the IV etc, and at the time I could only focus on little things. I became a person who watched the clock. 10 a.m. was the promised land time. Eventually the anesthesiologist got in there and we were able to finally head to the OR. At that time I was having contractions every 1-2 minutes and they were definitely hurting. It was all back labor so the only positions that felt comfortable did not allow anyone to watch Samuel on the monitor. They gave up on that and we were able to get my spinal in and about 30 minutes later Samuel was born.
His apgars were 8 and 9 so excellent. He had the neonatal nurse practitioner present at his birth due to his early arrival. When in recovery we found out that his blood sugar was low and his temperature was low so we spent quite a bit of time in recovery and then Friday and Saturday he had his blood sugar checked every 3 hours prior to meals. Poor guys little heels have definitely taken a beating.
We're still having breastfeeding issues, but things are better than they were. A large part of the problem is that he is undercooked. He's going to take longer to figure this out than a term baby. We just have to be patient and things will all settle in.
We're very in love with the little man and are so happy that he's now here. Even if his arrival was not how I planned - I'm just happy he's here. He's healthy and he's doing fine. So are D and myself.
The dogs are fine - though we apparently need to produce a "how to take care of your grand dogs" video for our parents. 2 grandmothers and a grandfather and they are calling frequently to make sure of how they're supposed to do things. We should be out of the hospital tomorrow and life as we know it will definitely change. We're both looking forward to our own bed though. That's for certain.
Friday, August 31, 2007
The Best Laid Plans
Can go awry...
This morning at 4 a.m. my water broke. I was at work. I didn't realize that was my water that broke until about an hour later when I realized I had a constant leak.
By the time I was checked in at the hospital I was having contractions every 5 minutes. I was 2 cm dilated, and a half hour later I was 4 cm dilated. I was having back labor which stunk. We progressed to contractions every 2-3 minutes and I'm sure I had dilated more as I was feeling much worse. By then my labs had come back - I had signed all consents and I was getting ready to lose my mind.
Samuel David also known as squeaker was born at 11:09 a.m. weighing in at a svelte 5 lbs 15.7 oz and 17 inches long.
We're doing well. Things may be quiet for a bit.
This morning at 4 a.m. my water broke. I was at work. I didn't realize that was my water that broke until about an hour later when I realized I had a constant leak.
By the time I was checked in at the hospital I was having contractions every 5 minutes. I was 2 cm dilated, and a half hour later I was 4 cm dilated. I was having back labor which stunk. We progressed to contractions every 2-3 minutes and I'm sure I had dilated more as I was feeling much worse. By then my labs had come back - I had signed all consents and I was getting ready to lose my mind.
Samuel David also known as squeaker was born at 11:09 a.m. weighing in at a svelte 5 lbs 15.7 oz and 17 inches long.
We're doing well. Things may be quiet for a bit.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Oh My....
DD tagged me as a Rockin' Girl Blogger... and it made me cry - good tears. Sweet tears. I'm apparently a sap. We'll blame it on the bottoms down child that is currently residing in my uterus. Persistent is apparently his middle name rather than David. Today was doctor's appt day and it was again confirmed that he is still breech. Next week we'll have another u/s. I think he was just a bit upset about not being peeked in on as frequently as he had been used to.
Now on with my tags - of bloggers.
A few of these are not posting as much, but they truly are the blogs I love... (for the record I'd nominate DD as well if I she hadn't already been nominated. My reasons are simple. She's a great friend. She's a great mom. She has not let infertility or recurrent miscarriage be all that she is. She can support others even when it is not the easiest thing to do... when you're in your own personal hell it's hard to stay supportive, yet she does. I'm thankful to have her as a friend. She is great at snark - and goodness knows I love snark.
Dino D A woman who has finally come full circle. A friend... someone who understood exactly what I was feeling and did not make me ever feel bad for having the feelings I've had even when hope was one of those feelings... She welcomed her daughter into this world - probably still thinking it was all a dream. Overcoming recurrent miscarriage is hard and she has done so with class. The scars may still be present, but she doesn't let it rule her world anymore.
Amy Another recurrent miscarrier who is managing to beat the odds. She is going to be a great mom and welcome Ichabod her fellow breech baby on Sept 7. We shared our fears and our hopes and one of these days I'm going to meet this gal and her son.
Mandy She and I have been real life friends for a long time... years! We may not always agree... we may not always be in close contact, but we do alway support one another. My persistent pollyanna attitude could make just about anyone turn away - yet she has always stood by and been there when I needed her. Thank you for being a friend...
Snickollet a mom of twins who has let us into her life as she copes with the loss of her love... it's not easy and it's not always pretty, but it is honest.
Thalia and Kath both of these women are due within days of my due date and both are having daughters... they both bring to the table a mix of humor, knowledge, grace, and class. I can't wait for them to be moms.
My picks are mostly either pregnant bloggers or moms. Most have a recurrent miscarriage element to them. Read their archives if you're still in the trenches. What these women have been through stinks - yet they all have either overcome or are in the process of overcoming those obstacles. Nothing in life is easy... and even when they wanted to they have not given up. It just wasn't an option. They've helped me in ways that I can not even begin to explain... just know that they have helped me stay the Sami that I am... persistent, strong, hopeful, and focused on the end result. They helped to remind me to keep my eye on the prize. How you get there is not nearly as important as getting there. Sometimes the journey is not the way you would have imagined, but if in the end you get to your destination then it was worth the trip.
May your journey be brief and not full of obstacles or heartache. That is my wish for each and every person that reads this blog... that there is a happy ending for everyone. Because damnit that's why I read trashy romance novels - they always end happily. So signing off for now - The Sappy Sami
Now on with my tags - of bloggers.
A few of these are not posting as much, but they truly are the blogs I love... (for the record I'd nominate DD as well if I she hadn't already been nominated. My reasons are simple. She's a great friend. She's a great mom. She has not let infertility or recurrent miscarriage be all that she is. She can support others even when it is not the easiest thing to do... when you're in your own personal hell it's hard to stay supportive, yet she does. I'm thankful to have her as a friend. She is great at snark - and goodness knows I love snark.
Dino D A woman who has finally come full circle. A friend... someone who understood exactly what I was feeling and did not make me ever feel bad for having the feelings I've had even when hope was one of those feelings... She welcomed her daughter into this world - probably still thinking it was all a dream. Overcoming recurrent miscarriage is hard and she has done so with class. The scars may still be present, but she doesn't let it rule her world anymore.
Amy Another recurrent miscarrier who is managing to beat the odds. She is going to be a great mom and welcome Ichabod her fellow breech baby on Sept 7. We shared our fears and our hopes and one of these days I'm going to meet this gal and her son.
Mandy She and I have been real life friends for a long time... years! We may not always agree... we may not always be in close contact, but we do alway support one another. My persistent pollyanna attitude could make just about anyone turn away - yet she has always stood by and been there when I needed her. Thank you for being a friend...
Snickollet a mom of twins who has let us into her life as she copes with the loss of her love... it's not easy and it's not always pretty, but it is honest.
Thalia and Kath both of these women are due within days of my due date and both are having daughters... they both bring to the table a mix of humor, knowledge, grace, and class. I can't wait for them to be moms.
My picks are mostly either pregnant bloggers or moms. Most have a recurrent miscarriage element to them. Read their archives if you're still in the trenches. What these women have been through stinks - yet they all have either overcome or are in the process of overcoming those obstacles. Nothing in life is easy... and even when they wanted to they have not given up. It just wasn't an option. They've helped me in ways that I can not even begin to explain... just know that they have helped me stay the Sami that I am... persistent, strong, hopeful, and focused on the end result. They helped to remind me to keep my eye on the prize. How you get there is not nearly as important as getting there. Sometimes the journey is not the way you would have imagined, but if in the end you get to your destination then it was worth the trip.
May your journey be brief and not full of obstacles or heartache. That is my wish for each and every person that reads this blog... that there is a happy ending for everyone. Because damnit that's why I read trashy romance novels - they always end happily. So signing off for now - The Sappy Sami
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Power Outage
What do you do when your father in law is visiting and the power goes out?
Pray for the power to come back on of course... fortunately my prayer was answered as my bladder was really beginning to protest my lack of wanting to go to the bathroom, but it was nice the power came on. I doubt it had anything to do with prayer but we'll give this one over to God and say -"Thanks a million!"
Ultimately my fil is here visiting until I think Monday. He came on Wednesday. Jodi his weim is with him and a more devoted pup you will not find. She adores my fil. She used to adore me, but that's okay that she is all about her owner. It's what we hoped for. It's brought a side of my fil out that we hadn't seen - a very very devoted one. He loves this dog and she goes everywhere with him.
In other news I apparently have hit my own power outage. As someone who is generally fairly active I have slammed head on into the wall of fatigue and let me just say it sucks. I hate it. I'm tired of being tired. That's my biggest complaint. I'm used to occasional fatigue, but this is bone crushing I could nap for 2 weeks and not be awake kind of thing. I've been told this is normal. In the hopes that this is normal and not because I haven't taken prenatal vitamins with iron - instead going for a different vitamin with low iron I've switched to the ones with iron.
In other news - this baby is still breech. He apparently has no sense of direction and does not appear to want to move anywhere. I believe the term - "I'm comfy" comes to mind. At my next appt if he is still breech we'll schedule an u/s and from there a version and well you get the idea.
I've also kind of hit panic mode. Panic as in... what the hell were we thinking having 6 dogs and a baby. I know this too shall pass and my fatigue is not helping with this thought process. If anyone wants to boost my spirits about 6 dogs and a baby - go for. If people want to point out it is ludicrious to have 6 dogs and a baby keep it to yourself PLEASE... discuss amongst yourself if you feel this way. I need support now, not any not so helpful points of - who in their right mind has 6 dogs and a baby. If anyone has $4000 laying around to help out with a fence for the 6 dogs then hell send it my way :) I'm good that way. I'll even send a thank you card. D doesn't seem to realize constantly harping about a fence to someone looking at the idea that my STD decreases my wages to 70% of my normal take home pay just isn't helpful. I hate to harp back at him that he's no millionaire.
In other news - he fell in love with a kirby vacuum cleaner. He stupidly let the sales people in. I had to go to work. We fortunately already have a kirby of my mother's from the mid 1990's. I firmly left to go to work stating "WE WILL NOT BE PURCHASING A KIRBY!" They of course did the whole presentation including vacuuming our mattress and most of the living room, the baby's room, and well anywhere else D could get them to vacuum. So at least he got some extra use out of them. He also had them take a look at my kirby and we found that for $30 we can have it back in tip top shape, so for now... he's quit mentioning buying a kirby, but has become quite the vacuum user. Everytime I turn around he's got the kirby out. No - I'm not kidding. It's quite comical as he hardly ever vacuumed before. The Hoover now has a RIP sign on it. He's sold on the kirby.
That's what's been going on for the last 9 days - fun fun fun.
Pray for the power to come back on of course... fortunately my prayer was answered as my bladder was really beginning to protest my lack of wanting to go to the bathroom, but it was nice the power came on. I doubt it had anything to do with prayer but we'll give this one over to God and say -"Thanks a million!"
Ultimately my fil is here visiting until I think Monday. He came on Wednesday. Jodi his weim is with him and a more devoted pup you will not find. She adores my fil. She used to adore me, but that's okay that she is all about her owner. It's what we hoped for. It's brought a side of my fil out that we hadn't seen - a very very devoted one. He loves this dog and she goes everywhere with him.
In other news I apparently have hit my own power outage. As someone who is generally fairly active I have slammed head on into the wall of fatigue and let me just say it sucks. I hate it. I'm tired of being tired. That's my biggest complaint. I'm used to occasional fatigue, but this is bone crushing I could nap for 2 weeks and not be awake kind of thing. I've been told this is normal. In the hopes that this is normal and not because I haven't taken prenatal vitamins with iron - instead going for a different vitamin with low iron I've switched to the ones with iron.
In other news - this baby is still breech. He apparently has no sense of direction and does not appear to want to move anywhere. I believe the term - "I'm comfy" comes to mind. At my next appt if he is still breech we'll schedule an u/s and from there a version and well you get the idea.
I've also kind of hit panic mode. Panic as in... what the hell were we thinking having 6 dogs and a baby. I know this too shall pass and my fatigue is not helping with this thought process. If anyone wants to boost my spirits about 6 dogs and a baby - go for. If people want to point out it is ludicrious to have 6 dogs and a baby keep it to yourself PLEASE... discuss amongst yourself if you feel this way. I need support now, not any not so helpful points of - who in their right mind has 6 dogs and a baby. If anyone has $4000 laying around to help out with a fence for the 6 dogs then hell send it my way :) I'm good that way. I'll even send a thank you card. D doesn't seem to realize constantly harping about a fence to someone looking at the idea that my STD decreases my wages to 70% of my normal take home pay just isn't helpful. I hate to harp back at him that he's no millionaire.
In other news - he fell in love with a kirby vacuum cleaner. He stupidly let the sales people in. I had to go to work. We fortunately already have a kirby of my mother's from the mid 1990's. I firmly left to go to work stating "WE WILL NOT BE PURCHASING A KIRBY!" They of course did the whole presentation including vacuuming our mattress and most of the living room, the baby's room, and well anywhere else D could get them to vacuum. So at least he got some extra use out of them. He also had them take a look at my kirby and we found that for $30 we can have it back in tip top shape, so for now... he's quit mentioning buying a kirby, but has become quite the vacuum user. Everytime I turn around he's got the kirby out. No - I'm not kidding. It's quite comical as he hardly ever vacuumed before. The Hoover now has a RIP sign on it. He's sold on the kirby.
That's what's been going on for the last 9 days - fun fun fun.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Joining The Club...
As most of you know - my dad meant a lot to me... and it sounds like to a lot of other bloggers their dads meant a lot to them.
So it was with great sadness that I read of another fellow blogger joining the ranks of the dead dad's club. You know the one you never want to be a member of... Julie joined our ranks and I'd love to refuse her membership, but just as membership in infertility is something we all would like to be able to veto members, this is a club that the members don't get a vote in who joins. I'm sorry for her. I'm sorry for Paul and Charlie. A dad's death, a fil's, a grandfather's death is awful... and I'm so very sorry that she joined our ranks... My heart goes out to all of them during this difficult time... and it just sucks. Sucks is about the best word I can use to describe knowing that your father won't be there for the weekend, special day, birthday, Christmas, etc... it just sucks.
So it was with great sadness that I read of another fellow blogger joining the ranks of the dead dad's club. You know the one you never want to be a member of... Julie joined our ranks and I'd love to refuse her membership, but just as membership in infertility is something we all would like to be able to veto members, this is a club that the members don't get a vote in who joins. I'm sorry for her. I'm sorry for Paul and Charlie. A dad's death, a fil's, a grandfather's death is awful... and I'm so very sorry that she joined our ranks... My heart goes out to all of them during this difficult time... and it just sucks. Sucks is about the best word I can use to describe knowing that your father won't be there for the weekend, special day, birthday, Christmas, etc... it just sucks.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Bottoms down?
For those of you playing the at home version this post will have more crap about pregnancy and less about life in general - though there is a bit of life coming at the beginning of this post.
Waking up to the sound of heavy machinery is never a good thing. Especially when your neurotic weim (aka Ernie) thinks it's "cute" to stare at you half the night waking you up at 530 in the morning so he can get a drink of water. Yes - he stared at me for 30 minutes before I gave in and got up. My goal for today was to sleep since last night's sleep was seriously sucky and I need to get back on the night shift schedule. However my neighbors or the new neighbors work crew had different ideas about this. Heavy machinery moved in around 9 a.m (30 minutes after D left for work) which sent all dogs into chaos. I hope I like the new neighbors - if it's the nice old couple that we talked to then I'm excited if it's another group like the ones next door well then not so much.
Oh yes and my diaper bag was finally delivered it's by Loom and I love the thing it's great. Now to stock the thing... probably will get on that next stretch off.
Onto pregnancy stuff...
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Seriously does SD not know that I'm more a bottoms up kind of girl? Apparently he did not receive the memo. At yesterday's appointment it was confirmed that he is breech. I called it didn't I? Fortunately my doctor didn't poo poo my questions and answered them with appropriate responses. He didn't even give me the "smile". It was a good appointment other than hearing what I feared that SD was heads up rather than bottom up.
So the plan... if he hasn't turned by the next appointment which is at 35 weeks and change we'll schedule an u/s for the next appointment. Where it will either be confirmed he's heads up or bottoms up and then at the appointment after that or at 38 weeks we'll do a version. Yes - I signed on to the version bandwagon. I've tried the old wives tales and home remedies and truthfully he doesn't really give a fig about any of that stuff. A light has been shined at my lower abdomen and he just kicks it. Some would say stubborn like his mother... I would say stubborn like his father personally. Directionally challenged like his father as well, but shhh don't let my in laws here that. My fil's suggestion of riding the cork screw at a populat amusement park was met with laughter though I would consider it if they allowed pregnant women on the things. Since standing on my head really hasn't worked I doubt that that would either.
You know me always willing to try something once!
Waking up to the sound of heavy machinery is never a good thing. Especially when your neurotic weim (aka Ernie) thinks it's "cute" to stare at you half the night waking you up at 530 in the morning so he can get a drink of water. Yes - he stared at me for 30 minutes before I gave in and got up. My goal for today was to sleep since last night's sleep was seriously sucky and I need to get back on the night shift schedule. However my neighbors or the new neighbors work crew had different ideas about this. Heavy machinery moved in around 9 a.m (30 minutes after D left for work) which sent all dogs into chaos. I hope I like the new neighbors - if it's the nice old couple that we talked to then I'm excited if it's another group like the ones next door well then not so much.
Oh yes and my diaper bag was finally delivered it's by Loom and I love the thing it's great. Now to stock the thing... probably will get on that next stretch off.
Onto pregnancy stuff...
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Seriously does SD not know that I'm more a bottoms up kind of girl? Apparently he did not receive the memo. At yesterday's appointment it was confirmed that he is breech. I called it didn't I? Fortunately my doctor didn't poo poo my questions and answered them with appropriate responses. He didn't even give me the "smile". It was a good appointment other than hearing what I feared that SD was heads up rather than bottom up.
So the plan... if he hasn't turned by the next appointment which is at 35 weeks and change we'll schedule an u/s for the next appointment. Where it will either be confirmed he's heads up or bottoms up and then at the appointment after that or at 38 weeks we'll do a version. Yes - I signed on to the version bandwagon. I've tried the old wives tales and home remedies and truthfully he doesn't really give a fig about any of that stuff. A light has been shined at my lower abdomen and he just kicks it. Some would say stubborn like his mother... I would say stubborn like his father personally. Directionally challenged like his father as well, but shhh don't let my in laws here that. My fil's suggestion of riding the cork screw at a populat amusement park was met with laughter though I would consider it if they allowed pregnant women on the things. Since standing on my head really hasn't worked I doubt that that would either.
You know me always willing to try something once!
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