Do they count?

So... I forgot to mention a weird conversation at the RE's office...

When asked about my past pregnancies I responded with 11. The little medical assistant looked at me quizzically and wrote it down... when good old Dr. Sarcastic came in he looked at it and said "really? I thought it was 6" Which then made me want to punch him because then I thought - do we just not count the positive pregnancy tests, but really sh*tty betas? Kind of like a do over?

While I think of them as chemical pregnancies... or pregnancies that just decided to screw with me - you know the one... beta of 5 then suddenly 4 days later 25... they still gave us that moment of hope before I was able to accurately predict my quantitative beta hcg based on the color of the pregnancy test.

So... if I go in there again I'll probably have to print out my about me page and say - see here... these are the ones you didn't know about because we didn't want to take the chance you wouldn't let us cycle or waste our money on lab tests when my ability to guess my beta was within 2 points. Yes, we really were that determined to get knocked up and no amount of "resting" was going to slow us down. Oh and by the way Dr. Sarcastic... that number should probably be 12 as I totally forgot to count the pregnancy that happened in 2001 where I had the boyfriend who asked me when I told him I was pregnant "you're kidding right?" Oh yes and Thank you so very much for changing the coding diagnosis from "habitual ab*rter" to "recurrent pregnancy loss" I appreciate it.

*Wow... this could be a bit rough going on here...

Being Broken...

In my real life there has been a rash of pregnancy announcements... and I'll admit to being torn. One couple I'm extremely happy for - it took them greater than a year and she was getting ready to start delving into modern medicines interventions when it happened. The other... it was an oops and their first child is about 18 months old. When talking with her about it she alluded that the other should be happy because she got to "try" to get pregnant. I told her that basically trying isn't all that much fun. It took 2 years of trying for SD to be here and lets just say the trying gets old when that occurs. I don't think she understood. I know she didn't. If you haven't lived in it then you don't understand. Although I will admit to wanting to punch that person. I refrained.

I recognize that some of this is jealousy. For me to even think about trying it involves a trip to the RE. I don't want to take the chance of having a doomed pregnancy because I don't make enough progesterone on my own to support an "oops" pregnancy. I don't want to take the chance that it "might" work. I want a pregnancy to know that it has the full support of everyone and anyone. We just don't want to take the risk and I'm okay with that. However it hasn't made me go through and schedule an appointment with the RE yet. Key word is yet. I want my cycles to come back to normal and to wean SD before that occurs. I
think the reason why I wanted to punch the one newly pregnant woman is that she had a luxury I don't have. I can't just try and see what happens.

However I had my yearly appointment with my regular guy and I mentioned that we would probably start trying again and go to the RE. He supported that go to the RE thing. Which reminded me that in the reproductive bits... I'm still broken. That's a little disheartening even if I already knew it. It's one thing to know it yourself... it's a whole nother story to have the medical professionals agree with you.

Bottoms down?

For those of you playing the at home version this post will have more crap about pregnancy and less about life in general - though there is a bit of life coming at the beginning of this post.

Waking up to the sound of heavy machinery is never a good thing. Especially when your neurotic weim (aka Ernie) thinks it's "cute" to stare at you half the night waking you up at 530 in the morning so he can get a drink of water. Yes - he stared at me for 30 minutes before I gave in and got up. My goal for today was to sleep since last night's sleep was seriously sucky and I need to get back on the night shift schedule. However my neighbors or the new neighbors work crew had different ideas about this. Heavy machinery moved in around 9 a.m (30 minutes after D left for work) which sent all dogs into chaos. I hope I like the new neighbors - if it's the nice old couple that we talked to then I'm excited if it's another group like the ones next door well then not so much.

Oh yes and my diaper bag was finally delivered it's by Loom and I love the thing it's great. Now to stock the thing... probably will get on that next stretch off.

Onto pregnancy stuff...
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Seriously does SD not know that I'm more a bottoms up kind of girl? Apparently he did not receive the memo. At yesterday's appointment it was confirmed that he is breech. I called it didn't I? Fortunately my doctor didn't poo poo my questions and answered them with appropriate responses. He didn't even give me the "smile". It was a good appointment other than hearing what I feared that SD was heads up rather than bottom up.

So the plan... if he hasn't turned by the next appointment which is at 35 weeks and change we'll schedule an u/s for the next appointment. Where it will either be confirmed he's heads up or bottoms up and then at the appointment after that or at 38 weeks we'll do a version. Yes - I signed on to the version bandwagon. I've tried the old wives tales and home remedies and truthfully he doesn't really give a fig about any of that stuff. A light has been shined at my lower abdomen and he just kicks it. Some would say stubborn like his mother... I would say stubborn like his father personally. Directionally challenged like his father as well, but shhh don't let my in laws here that. My fil's suggestion of riding the cork screw at a populat amusement park was met with laughter though I would consider it if they allowed pregnant women on the things. Since standing on my head really hasn't worked I doubt that that would either.

You know me always willing to try something once!

What the Hell was I Thinking?

Introducing D to the joy of blog readers? I apparently am insane and did not learn my lesson when I let him discover forums...

Forum wise he reads forums on single serve coffee (you know K-cups and pod coffee makers), fire arms, cops, more fire arms, more cop stuff... etc etc. Now he's reading via a blog reader because I thought hey that will be quicker than him surfing to the various sites and hogging my computer - cop blogs... I'm so overjoyed. NOT.

In my defense I thought it was a good idea to introduce him to the joy of a blog reader because of the speed factor... what I hadn't calculated was my husband's desire to read more and more and more. We're both addicts like that... we love information which is probably why I have about 50 blogs I read and why D now has 7.

In other news - I believe SD formerly known as NN is still heads up. I'm going to talk with my doc about versions because my biggest fear is we'll get to 37 weeks and he'll say no to it. I'd rather know now that he's up for the challenge or see another one of his partners - there's 10 of them one of them would be willing right? It's not that I have anything against c-sections I just would rather not have one unless I absolutely need one kind of thing. I've also put a lot of time, effort and money into the whole hypnobirthing thing and would like to give that a shot. The only perk I see about a c-section is the ability to plan and b) the 8 weeks off that are paid rather than the 6 weeks for a regular ole delivery. Otherwise I'm not getting the perks out of it. Surgeries and myself tend to get ugly and well I'd rather not have that occur on the day we greet SD. It just isn't my idea of a fun time kind of thing.

In other news the diaper bag was delivered TO OUR NEIGHBOR rather than to us... now I have to track down my neighbor and ask for my diaper bag which I REALLY want to just sneak into her house and find the damn thing since their kid was one the one who accepted the package... I learned this this morning.

Doctor's appt this afternoon - fun fun fun. It's just me - no D for this one as he's at work whining that the light is too bright. Gosh does he hate days or what!

Contrary to Popular Belief...

I do not have all the answers. I do not even act as if I have all the answers.

Granted - some people do think of me as a know it all, but seriously I am the first to admit when I do not know something. I'm also the first to ask for help if I need it. Yesterday found me fielding phone calls. Way too many phone calls.

I do not remember if I had mentioned a note my mother found about a month ago that she then sent me on a wild goose chase for. If I did I apologize in advance for the refresher. If I did not - here's the scoop. The note was from an insurance agent. Apparently my parents decided when I was born to buy a prepaid life insurance policy in my name. Considering all the early health issues I had (weird white counts due to drinking contaminated water at my preschool, strep infections from an early age leading to my tonsils and adenoids being removed at 5, multiple stitches - yes I was a clutz) this probably was a good idea. The policy number is missing on this note and of course the note does not have a date, just a monetary amount that at that time was still with the life insurance policy. I have contacted who I thought was the life insurance company and of course - they have no record of my parents or myself. I contacted the gentleman who had sent the letter - he's now retired, but remembers my parents - only clients he had in Sand Point and my dad as a "stocky and short guy that was really nice." Nicely sums up dad actually. I even contacted the man who had taken over for the gentleman as he is now retired and truthfully sounds about 70+ years of age or at least his wife did. My mom has been on my tookus about this. She also states that she never cashed in the policy and that I must have thrown it out when I cleaned out a bunch of things from her files when dad died.

While I did clean out a lot of things from my mom's stuff most of it was junk. I do not remember a life insurance policy for myself or I would have asked about it. I found my parents original divorce papers - and I think I threw them out as truthfully I do not want my brothers or sister to read the transcripts from their first marriage divorces. I read it and it made me ill. Neither of my parents first spouses were all that great. My dad's divorce papers had a write up by the social worker recommending my father to have sole custody and also how the final arrangements were made - my dad gave his first wife - cash, a car, a handgun, and stock options in order to have full custody of my brother - now granted some of this stuff my brother knows, but to see it in writing well that's just not something I would want to see if it was me. My mom's is not much better and documents some domestic violence issues. Ultimately my parents were much better off with each other than they ever were with their first spouses. So tossing those out when the divorces occurred in the early 70's seemed like the right thing to do. I think I also tossed out old cancelled checks from 1970, tax returns from the 1960's and well a few other things. My mom is a paperwork pack rat. So it's possible things are still there that I have to go through again and maybe I'll find the life insurance policy number. Boy would that make this wild goose chase easier. Apparently they will now have to go through the archives. This policy was taken out somewhere between 1978 and the early 80's. So none of it is on computer. Fun fun fun huh? Now granted if it means I end up with some money in the end - bonus. If not then I've put in all this effort for nothing.

The second phone call was from the gentleman that sold the policy - he wanted my birthdate as he was wracking his brain to remember more details.

The third phone call was to figure out how much barbecue pork is needed for the shower... we're having the woman who did our wedding reception make this as it was wonderful at the time. She's doing it as a favor for us. We greatly appreciate it.

The fourth phone call was to tell me that the transcript was done and how much it would cost. It of course did not leave an address where I was to send it to, so I had to call back to get those details - this morning will find me buying a money order and accomplishing what I need to do to get the transcript. Such a pita!

The fifth phone call was my mother trying to figure out who would pick up the barbecue and who would do this, that and the other thing in regards to the shower.

Yesterday all I was trying to do was shop for clothes. I hate shopping for clothes in general, but I REALLY hate shopping for clothes right now. Nothing fits right and that about sums it up. I farted around too long so I can no longer order the dress I was going to order because it is not available in my size any longer if I would have ordered it before I fell asleep this wouldn't be an issue as it was still available then. Now it's poof available in xs. Yeah uhmm not my size. Thanks for making me feel huge.

I came up with two alternatives... one is a denim wrap dress that I bought a while ago. It fits, it would work. The other is a dress by old navy that is not "ma*ernity" but it fits, is not awful, still not my ideal- I think it looks like a mumu this is it in dark chocolate though truthfully I think it's black with white flowers. D says it looks fine, but truthfully he tells me I look beautiful in a baggy t-shirt and boxer shorts so not a reliable critic. No it does not fall mid thigh, but more mid knee as I am a short gal. So that's a source of irritation. We shall see what I determine over the next few days. A large part of me after thinking about money etc says take the dress back and wear the denim wrap dress. It's not like I'll wear this dress other places. Granted it was cheap, but I can spend money on other things instead...

So your thoughts as always are appreciated. Fashion clueless in Michigan.

Spilled...

Blood.

Yes you read that correctly not spilled milk... but blood. Yesterday I drew my blood and dutifully took it to my ob's office and handed it to the lab lady and said this is for the second part of the whatever screen. We put my name on it and off it went to wherever it is that it needed to go to. I think a) the lady was a bit miffed I drew my own blood and b) was irritated that I drew my own blood but what the hell do I know.

A few minutes ago I received a call from my doctor's office. Mind you I sent 2 vials of blood - a red and a gold top tube. Somehow in transit the top of the tube came off. I do not know if both tops came off, but one did. I'm on the phone right now trying to find out if both tops came off... I'm curious now. Primarily because they managed to survive a trip of an hour without anything happening to them, yet once I handed them off they suddenly became a ticking time bomb that was just waiting to explode. I am making the nurse call back the lab and ask about the other tube... because it seems highly unlikely that both tops came off. Just a freak occurrence and while I'm known for my freak occurrences specimen tubes are not. Make sense?

I think the nurse was a bit put out that I wanted to know about the second specimen tube. I even offered to call myself that it was curiousity that was getting the best of me on this one and just wanted to know. But again - what the hell do I know? I'm only a nurse and have only had the top come off a few times... and we take the tops off those vacutainers quite frequently in the peds unit as sometimes we have to do it by drip rather than by a syringe to get blood. Apparently they got me on a pissy day. As normally I would have just taken this news and said- so sad have to have another blood draw. I'm a concrete kind of gal - I want facts. If we sent 2 specimen tubes what is the likelihood that both specimen tubes would pop open during transit? Slim is my thoughts... so we shall see what the good nurse has to say.

Nurse called back - they never sent the second tube... Gee thanks. All of this would have been avoided if they had sent both tubes.