I'm apparently not a chicken... I took the plunge... head first into digital pregnancy test land... and... I survived the encounter. It came up "pregnant" on my 1st Anniversary of being married to my wonderful husband...
I should be jumping for joy... however I'm terrified. Totally terrified. My husband whom I totally adore and love doesn't understand this downright sheer terror as I was the one who wanted to hop right back on the trying bandwagon. The reason... is that I want this so badly for "us" not just for me... but I see my husband with our little mini doxie Lola and I know... I know deep down in my heart to the bottom of my toes that he will be a WONDERFUL father... because he is a parent to our puppy dogs...
So what do we do now... well we wait... we wait because I in my infinite wisdom decided that I couldn't possibly be pregnant as I was having my period so I wasn't going to bother my doctor on Friday with ordering a blood test to verify... Yes... yes I am kicking myself for second guessing my eye sight... those lines I had been seeing certainly could not mean I'm pregnant... joke is on me... So we wait until Monday morning at 9 am and I wait patiently on the telephone so that I can arrange for the doctor's office to fax an order for a blood test... and repeat this on Wednesday and in the meantime... I pray... I pray that this will end positively in 8+ months with a healthy and happy baby... and that everything will be okay...
By now you guys are thinking I'm a nervous person... no... not generally... Generally I'm a go with the flow... plunge headfirst... shoot first ask questions later kind of gal... this time I'm frozen in fear and uncertainty and I truly do not like that particular feeling... i probably will be like this for a while... if all goes well with the betas the next step is... an ultrasound to hopefully confirm that this pregnancy is in the right spot... and not an extension of the fallopian tube monologues...
So... stay tuned
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