Saturday, February 25, 2006

When Life gives you Lemons... Why not make Lemonade?

As the subject line reads... life here is more lemonade than lemons... which is good. However to get to that point has taken a long time... in perfecting the lemonade so to speak.

Right now on the trigger front is... no trigger yet. We've upped the gonal-f and will take a look around and have more bloodwork on Monday... This is a good thing. This means that D won't have to try and not feel guilty about not going to work, etc. This does mean that he'll have to call off for 2 nights, but that's a heck of a lot better than 3-4. So lemonade my friends.

Through all of this crap called recurrent pregnancy loss or as our friends at the insurance coding call it habitual aborter... I've been very lucky. Lucky in that my ectopic never actually acted like an ectopic, but unlucky in that they didn't figure it out until AFTER the d/c... Lucky in that I haven't had to have any more d/c's because truly a girl really doesn't need one - but multiples we really don't need. Lucky that I found a bunch of beautiful, intelligent women at the right time to help keep me making lemonade. I'm one of the lucky ones... I've had help making that lemonade from all sorts of wonderful individuals both in in real life and in the cyber world...

Recognizing that I'm lucky isn't easy... some days all I would like more than anything else in the world is to cover up and not let the world in... but it's not that easy - I get emails saying hey what's up... and can vent the whole ugly truth... I have friends that don't always get why I look at the "bright side" of things. Here's a glimpse of the person I used to be... I used to be bulimic and I used to have pretty severe depression - both I conquered on my own. I don't want the dark side to win - bottom line I'd be back where I was back in 1997-1998 and that girl was not making lemonade out of any lemon or lemonade mix you handed her. She was so stuck in misery that I doubt she ever seen the sun when it was at it's brightest even when outside. Everything had an ugly dreary shade on it... I got through that with the help of a few wonderful friends. Now I have many more and a husband that would not let that person ever come back out and for that I'm thankful... Sometimes you need others to fight your battles and though my husband has never seen that person I used to be... he's heard stories of her. He knows what signs to watch for... and he's the biggest helper at making lemonade. I thank God every day for him.

So may you always keep your chin up and your eyes on the prize (whatever the prize is), may you find joy in your daily life even on your darkest days and may you know that you are loved.

Thank goodness I like lemonade or we'd be in big trouble... because I think I've taken care of a truckload of lemons... only recently has the lemonade been free flowing without much effort... here's hoping Monday brings more lemonade rather than lemon's. NBHHY!

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