Hmmm

Well the results are in... and the repeat beta at 46 hours... was 48... up from 24... so perfect doubling...

The progesterone results were a little low...

Both of these things are not concerning to my doctor or doctor's office... they have scheduled an u/s on 1/26... I am terrified. How am I supposed to go 2 weeks without a beta. I'd rather know if things were going belly up in Vegas before the 26th rather than find out at the u/s. We're trying not to let hope creep in. I know that sounds awful, but with our history we can't take the chance.

My husband emailed a friend of his... and told her what's going on. I never realized quite how much it affects him until I read that email... it bothers him a lot... he doesn't let on... he's just tired of the teasers. He's tired of worrying that he'll have to take me to the hospital again for a procedure and I'll look so sick again... I can't say I blame him. I know the feeling... I'd really rather not have to go through that again myself. I keep telling myself that all of this will be worth it in the end. I so pray this is a viable pregnancy... I'm so scared of the what if's...

My work is now monitoring internet usage... I've been counseled... and truthfully at the time when i was surfing a bunch - work was done, I was in the grips of coping and keeping my chin up while truthfully not liking my coworkers all that much... the only thing that kept me sane was the internet. I felt better, was able to smile... was able to realize that while ectopics, chemical pregnancies suck... there are people out there that are able to help... I told this to my manager. I'm pretty sure she doesn't get all of this... that's okay some days I don't.

Thank god for the internet! There's always someone who understands or comes pretty darn close to doing so...