Saturday, November 26, 2005

Family time?

Today found us driving 3 hours to my mom's house... then getting right back into the car and driving an hour to see Dan's parents with my mom and 3 dogs in the car. Can we all say WAY TOO MUCH FAMILY TIME!

My in laws do not yet know that we've moved on to clomid and again to be truthful I'm not sure we'll be telling them. A part of me wants them to know that listen this has not been that easy. The other part of me says screw it it's none of their business. Visiting Dan's uncle and aunt and their new baby really made me laugh as Dan was holding Lola and talking to her as if she was a baby... She's about the right size... so yes she's our baby. However I'm pretty sure Dan's grandma, aunt and uncle really think we've lost our minds. This is not totally a bad thing, just an odd thing.

Dan's parents have been nice enough to not ask about babies or baby making, so I guess unless they ask we're not going to tell. Is this the right thing to do? I don't know. I just know that I'm not ashamed of it, just not totally comfortable with it yet. I'm not comfortable knowing "I'm the problem" Even though Dan feels it's a 50/50 deal here, right now after 2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic we know... I'm the problem so far. I don't know that I want his family to know that. I'd rather they thought it was a mutual problem then the blame game can be shifted off of me. It's not like I don't already go - "I've treated you relatively well the last couple years - why can't you work the way you are supposed to?" My body's response... "Screw you." Don't ya just love a body with an attitude.

Hopefully all this wondering will be moot soon... maybe maybe I can get my Christmas present a bit early... wouldn't that be nice? I won't hold my breath on that one... but maybe just maybe hope and optimism can spring back into my life rather than fear and anxiety when it comes to pregnancy... stay tuned...

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