Well first I need to post about my three days of work...
Sedations are interesting - I'm not sure I'd want to do that job on a daily basis. Granted it's nice making kids go "night night", but it's also generally for things like a bone scan or CT or biopsies to find tumors and well - that's just not something I'd want to do on a constant basis. Generally if a kid is being sedated for a procedure or test it's because something is wrong. These parents are frantic, want results and well I can't give them those - because I'm not a doctor and well the techs don't tell us a thing most times.
I also took care (during my two night shifts) some end of life care. Right now I'm kind of whipped physically and emotionally to even tackle what this means or how this works... bottom line it's more about keeping the patient comfortable and helping the family navigate through this awful time. I think I did a pretty good job. I hope I gave her the support she needed.
So - after hoping to get out of work on time. I didn't. I was running late - speeding to my u/s appt. I fortunately was only 5 minutes late, but still one hates running late. I also changed in my car from my sweaty scrubs to something more office appropriate. I was quite pleasantly surprised at how different the RE's office is on the weekends, a bit more relaxed. I got to my room after having blood drawn and got my pants off (the person doing the wanding knocked and I yelled - one second!) It was my RE. I kind of blinked a few times, as well the only time I've had an u/s with the good doctor was during bad news weeks.
Now at the time of those u/s I was really too wound up about the results or impending results that I didn't notice technique or anything. Let me just say - he's a good wander. I was surprised since well.. as one friend said "never trust someone without a uterus". (This was said in regards to them saying it won't hurt, when talking about office procedures, tests, etc) He was quick, didn't have to search for anything, measured quickly then said "I'll meet you in the hallway." Again - color me shocked but okay. Usually the well u/s takes longer because an ovary decides to hide or whatever. So we met in the hallway then in a consult room and changed my meds around (I'm responding well, but he wants to bump up thing so we can get the few good eggs rather than 1 good egg) and I know if he wouldn't have been the one doing the wanding that I probably wouldn't have had a dose change, but continued on on my doseage previously. He wasn't even waiting for the estrodial results. Said - see you on Tuesday.
Then - we chatted. It was weird, but a good weird. He expressed his frustration with residents... have I mentioned that July sucks in regards to residents... it's when all the new ones show up. It's a well frustrating time to say the least. I utter the words "I hate July!" multiple times while working because yes - they're new, yes- they're inexperienced and well yes - they feel the need to ask their senior everything! And if their senior is a fairly new senior they then ask the attending. So something that if I had asked the attending would have been accomplished right away - takes about an hour with the new crop so to speak. It makes you want to poke your eyes out with hot skewers. We talked of summer, and of an office party they were having soon and it was nice. It was weird, but it was nice. It reminded me of why I felt "comfortable" when we first met, and why D is so "comfortable" with the good doctor.
So now to the "Is it really me" part of all this. I didn't ask for the measurements of any follicles, I did see my lining was 5.3, but truthfully didn't care. Didn't need to know. I didn't ask for my E2 levels and truthfully don't need to know. I guess I finally have just said - I'm paying a lot of money to do this... lets let them do their job. It's definitely a change, but I'm glad that so far I'm going with the flow and just trying to be zen about all of this.
Maybe it's the change in jobs... maybe it's just finding that I truly trust my RE to make the best choices... I don't know, but I don't think it's a bad thing. Maybe it's the new me.
Oh and we talked about "difficult" patients. I'm fortunately not one of them... at least I don't think so or I'm not yet.