If you risk nothing... nothing is gained.

So... I think I stopped the story at the point where I went to work. I work 12 hour shifts so 7p-7a. Well it was the end of my stretch at work and it was a particularly crappy night. Everyone wanted to go out in the morning for breakfast/adult beverages. So I went out and had a drink and some breakfast and then thought holy crap I'm going home to a cop at my house... I can't drink and drive! So I stayed a while longer and sobered up some more (not that I was drunk it was 1 drink, but still just in case).

When I got home D was sitting on the couch - Chance was pacing frantically. Apparently Chance just was not thrilled with me not being home at the appropriate time. When I got home D and I talked for quite a while... me with no sleep tends to be a rambling girl. He and I just talked... about our past relationships what they were like, what went wrong, etc... what we were looking for now... I learned a lot about him that day and he learned a lot about me. I tend to be an open book - even more of an open book when sleep deprived and with alcohol in my system.

Fortunately I didn't freak him out too badly as he didn't run screaming out of the house. At some point I'm sure I went to sleep and then we got up and went out to dinner with the mutual friend L. We had a great time, we went out to TGI Friday's and just had a great time, great meal, great drinks, etc. I think L knew something was up with the two of us, but she didn't ask questions. She was hoping we'd hit it off... and fortunately we did.

After L went home we stayed up talking again... eventually we kissed. Now I'm not much on a kiss meaning something, but that was the first kiss that left me with a feeling down to my toes that it was right. He's the only guy I've ever kissed with a mustache - and initially I'm sure I blamed it on that, but there was this spark... and I'm not generally cheesy, but it just felt so right. Not that he's the best kisser or that I am, but that kiss was perfect and I knew this was the guy I was meant to be with. I of course did not disclose this information to D and spent most of the night convincing myself that what I felt was a fluke... which of course meant I had to kiss him again! That feeling was still there and it left me very conflicted about what to do...

The next day D had to leave to go back to the other side of the state... we made arrangements for D to see me on my stretch off on Monday at my parents house. On my way into work I called and talked to my dad. I told him about D and that I thought this might be the one. My dad - was quite surprised by this news as I had never called and said something like that to him before. While he was reserving judgment... my dad gave me this advice. "If you risk nothing, then nothing is gained. If this guy is the one you'll know and he'll love you for the person that you are - the good, the bad, and the ugly as well as the beautiful." So he basically left me with a lot of thinking... which me and thinking is never a good thing.

D and I talked on the phone and emailed until Monday came. D was terrified that my parents wouldn't approve. He was going to be spending the night at my parents house. My dad got to love him was of the "You're an adult" opinion... so D stayed the night in my room, and he met my parents and I met his, and we talked...

I have to interject here that I had a personal rule that I never broke... that rule was "Never say I love you first." Bottom line the guy had to say it first. I wanted so badly to break that rule. I had never had those feelings so quickly or had them feel so strong before in my life and they were constantly on the tip of my tongue... Thank goodness I didn't have to break my rule... after much coaxing D said the words. He also said this is too fast, I know we should slow down, etc etc. We talked, we cried, we kissed but saying those words made my heart leap.

Some of our friends and some family (mostly his) felt we were rushing things... we didn't feel that way - we still don't. We feel as if we've known each other forever. When I reminded D of what yesterday was - he laughed and said I've known you for 10 years just because you don't remember me doesn't mean I've forgotten!

D is many things to me, he's my best friend. He knows me better than many of my oldest friends do. He knows on a level that they can't even begin to understand because he gets to see me without any of my barriers... he knows my weaknesses, and he knows my strengths. He loves me for the good, the bad, and the ugly and he treasures the beautiful. I'm fortunate that that April 1st when he knocked on my door that I recognized there was something there. That my preconceived notions of what I wanted in a guy (tall - D's 5'8", dark - he's got light brown hair, handsome - he is that) didn't matter anymore. When I looked into his eyes I knew that this guy was special. I'm glad that I recognized it and didn't let him slip away.

We said those 3 magic words less than 2 weeks into our new relationship... we got engaged 9 months after we met. We were married 17 months after we met. Some said we were rushing it - some thought we were getting married because we were pregnant (stop laughing it could have been the case, but it wasn't!)... I prefer to think that we were making up for lost time - we'd met 9 years prior to all of this and had missed the opportunity then. Sometimes God has a wonderful way of making things work out... I never dreamed I'd marry a cop that worked in my hometown while living 3 hours away, but I did and I am so very glad that I did.

He's definitely been worth the risk especially for all that I've gained.