Dull?

I like my needles sharp, effective, to the point. Able to pierce skin with minimal effort. What I have instead is something that honest to goodness makes me think that I have rawhide for skin. However I know that's not the case, but apparently the needles that I'm injecting myself with are dull. Don't ask - I have no idea how I got the flat end of the stick in this endeavor, however these needles are dull. At least for this pen they are.

The ovidrell the last two times has been like this. The first time it was D doing the injecting so I thought he was full of stool about it... last month I did the injecting and it took more effort than I would have liked so it wasn't just in his mind. So - my question is do I just go with the flow whine a bit and get on with it. (Remember the PIO injections - no whining from me about those so this is a fluke) Subcutaneous injections are a breeze if the needle isn't dull.

It's just weird. These are new unused needles - in theory they should be sharp and effective, how did I get the dull ones. I know they are because now I have two lovely looking bruises on my pudgy abdomen and it isn't from D abusing me or the dogs jumping on me. Remind me again that I'll be happy when this is over and I can get to the fun stuff like the IM injections of progesterone. Probably should go out and buy another heating pad as apparently the one we currently have is on the blink - it works for about 5 minutes then dies for 30 minutes.

Oh and amazingly enough I had my first low census day in five years. I know that these are few and far between and a luxury, but I enjoyed the night curled up with the dogs on the couch watching TV... attempting to crochet another blanket (this one for myself) that I have no idea how the heck it will turn out, but I love the color and feel of the yarn... Red... I may not have mentioned that my old favorite color was black- it was. My new can't live without, have to have all over the house color is red. Fortunately D likes the color as well.

Apparently My Head Will Explode

Whether it's the weather, the season, the drugs who the heck knows, but I went to bed last night feeling like my head was about to explode and I woke up with the same feeling. I'm home... I'm sick and I'm okay with that. Though I would like my head to feel a bit better. I prefer mental health days rather than sick days if you know what i mean.

Day 2 of shooting up is fast approaching and so far life is fine. I'm ambivalent about this cycle - why I have no clue, just am. I think that at this point we are in cycle 18 of trying and while I would love to erase the 18 months of trying - create amnesia for both D and myself, however I can't. We both are cynical in regards to the trying and then we succeed it becomes even more cynical.

We are truly optimists at heart or at least I am. I've always viewed life as the glass is half full. Or - it could be worse. I know that it could be worse - but I wish that for once things came easily. However looking back on both of our lives- nothing worth while has come easily so why should we expect this to be easy.

On the bright side of things at least the trying is still fun... I told D - be prepared we'll probably be having sex all next weekend. He looked at me and goes "When have I ever said no." Good point... he hasn't. He knows the drill. I imagine trigger (which I need to pick up from the pharmacy (whoops) will be next week Friday, Saturday, Sunday sometime in there.

The Plan

I've mentioned in the past that I always like to have a plan in case whatever it is we're doing currently doesn't work. Well D and I have finalized our plan so to speak at least for the next 6-8 months. With D's prescription drug coverage changing we'll have to pay out of pocket for any meds - so if this cycle goes bust then we'll do a few natural cycles and then regroup. Natural isn't a big deal for the two of us as hell we've managed to get pregnant on those cycles without any problem. It'll be weird not having monitoring, but also not so bad either. We can choose whether to go to the RE's office or to my ob/gyn's for the betas and u/s and go from there. We both feel comfortable with this decision. If come January we have a better option (my companies health insurance may depending on who they choose be better then we'll sign up so that I'm covered with double coverage) otherwise the plan is to stay the course.

So Wednesday I start stimming and next Monday I'll have an u/s and hopefully things will look great. Ultimately D and I are great and that's the part that matters more than everything else. I'm so very fortunate that my husband will jump through whatever hoops I'd like him to. Okay now I'm going to go kiss the man.

Apparently it's Week 1

Apparently I signed up for some things back in January... you know the month of the clomid pregnancy that wasn't? Well I of course was still very optimistic that things would work out and signed up for a few newsletters... you know your pregnancy week x, etc. Once that pregnancy went tits up I promptly unsubscribed. However the websites were apparently keeping track as I think I received an email last week stating "Congratulations on Week 1 with your newborn." I think I threw something then unsubscribed. This morning I also received yet another email - saying "Feeding your newborn" I'm a fairly level headed person - I just looked at D and said - guess we forgot a due date and apparently a baby as look what I just got. He goes - good lord din't you unsubscribe from those things a long time ago? I thought I had. Apparently not.

Fortunately this hasn't sent me into a fit of depression. I vaguely know when various due dates are coming and have been prepared for any eventuality. These emails I now am prepared for so if they happen again - delete my friend... delete.

My period still hasn't shown up. I neglected to mention a minor chemical pregnancy that occurred (truthfully I was ignoring it because hell calling it number 10 just sucks). Spotting started on Monday (okay it was a spot- couldn't even call it a spotting incident) so we took a hpt and it was well f'd up, so we continued with the progesterone... the tests would swing back and forth between positive and negative and had some more spot on Thursday so on Friday I quit the progesterone and am now waiting patiently or not so patiently for my period to show up. On the positive side of things at least I didn't get a beta done because I am pretty positive if I had we'd be hearing "rest S & D" and well we all know how well that goes. On the bright side of things this works out better for us in regards to timing of the procreation race as D will be going to days in October and well... if ovulation day happened while I was working a stretch we wouldn't see each other for 3 of the 6 days. So it would have been a wasted effort so to speak.

On the other bright side - I finished the afghan. I finished it on Thursday night. I hope the baby likes it... and that Mandy gets back to Idaho with her tator tot uneventfully and on time. It was great to see her and the others at the party. My mom had fun and well that's a great thing.

So - I'm back and hopefully will be back in the proverbial saddle shortly.

Am I Ever Going to Finish this thing?

I'm still trudging along on the baby blanket. It's about done, but I think I like to have a deadline because then I know that I have to get it done by x day. My deadline is Saturday. Saturday is the shower and it needs to be done by then. I just have to finish the edging and then I'm done.

In other news - nothing new going on here. I'm incredibly boring. How sad is that? Not so much.

D is back to work, the dogs are happy to have me home at night, but would like both D and I at home all the time. The greedy little monkeys. I'm excited about the new season of network tv. Seriously boring stuff going on at this house.

On unrelated bunny news - did I mention that Lola killed a bunny? No - well she did. Which is one of the reasons D hacked down some of the field of weeds. I really need to take a picture for you to get the real affect of seeing weeds that are 3 feet tall all around your home. I received a phone call from D while at work last night (Tuesday night) and he said... I think I know how the bunny got killed. I just went really? He goes yep... they're taunting the dogs. The bunnies are taunting them. Apparently at our house we have suicidal bunnies near us. Or they believe they are invincible and no measly dog is going to take them out. I witnessed the taunting for myself tonight. I went to let the dogs out and turned on the light and the bunny just stood there. I made a noise - it stood there. I let the dogs out it ran... but it came back to where the other dogs were. I'm sure if Lola would have been loose so to speak it's death wish would have been granted, however her leash prevented her from getting in the fray. Fortunately the bunny survived the encounter with Ernie.

This is really what is going on in my life these days. Absolutely nothing and I'm just fine with that right now.

Two Years Ago

I married my best friend.
My savior when times are gray.
I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Happy Anniversary D - I love you.


*on another note I am fairly certain that this cycle is negative. On the bright side at least this is different than last year. I'll take different for 300 please.

One More Day...

I normally don't buy a newspaper... something made my buy one today. I opened the paper and "PARADE" had an article by Mitch Albom titled "If you had one day to spend with someone who's gone... Who would it be? What would you do?" First off I have to say I "heart" Mitch Albom. I read his articles even the sports ones - I dig through the archives which is much harder than it used to be, but I've done that in the past.

Anyways... I hadn't even gotten to the beginning of the article and I had tears rolling down my face - and as said before - I don't cry well, I don't cry often, and generally when I cry it's about being angry. These weren't angry tears... these were tears of answering that question in my mind. Then I got to the first paragraph and I cried some more. At this point D is looking at me like I've grown two heads. Then he looks at the article, nods silently, pats my leg. No words need to be spoken. He understands.

So... I'm going to ask you the same question that Mitch asked me this morning... and I'm going to give you my answer.



Who would it be? My dad.

What would you do? I'd hug him and give him a kiss and tell him I love him. We'd bake... we'd garden... we'd talk. I'd tell him all about the three amigos... all about my new job, D's new job... all about our struggles to have a baby... and I'd rub his hands for him, clip his toenails, and just spend time with him.

Just thinking about the impossible makes me cry... because I talk to my dad all the time - even thought it's been 2 and a half years. When I call my mom's house I wish that I hadn't missed my mom's first call. That I had answered rather than been in the shower. That I would have talked him into going to the hospital or at the very least I could have had one more chance to say "I love you." *edited to add - my dad knew I loved him - this was never a question - we never ended a phone conversation without those three words even when we were angry. However one more time would have been nice.

Now I'm going to go tell my husband that I love him too.

*Mitch Albom has a new book titled For One More Day - it will be in stores at the end of September. I plan on buying it. I also plan on buying a box of tissue to go along with it.

Follow Up to Impatient

I emailed the author of the story. I haven't heard back from her as of yet, but I felt that I needed to comment to her directly.

I think that the world as a whole has this image of infertility as that which affects those that are in their 30's and 40's. We all know that isn't totally true - that there are many individuals in their 20's who are affected by infertility. I think the standard for all women should be 6 months of trying unprotected or if you're charting etc and find out that after 2-3 months you're annovulatory then you should at the very minimum see your ob/gyn. This is of course only my opinion.

I know I wouldn't have been tested for as many recurrent miscarriage markers if I hadn't been aggressive with my doctor. I know that because I was the one bringing up the tests. He wasn't. I love my ob/gyn - he's a great guy who is a great doctor. However - he felt initially that my asking for the endometrial biopsy was overkill. When it came up that bingo I have a luteal phase defect he apologized for putting me off of having it after the first miscarriage back in June of 2005.

No, having the answers doesn't mean that you are automatically fixed, but it does mean that you go into things with your eyes wide open. I'm all about having my eyes wide open. I don't wear blinders about my health in general let alone about my infertility. I know the statistics... I know what research is out there in regards to habitual aborters. That doesn't mean that this month or even next month the stars will align and we'll be pregnant with that take home baby, but it does mean that we're at least trying all that we can to accomplish that.

Ultimately that's all you can do. Try try try try try again. Fortunately I'm persistent.

Until later alligators I'll be paddling and looking unruffled on the surface.

Impatient?

Last night I watched the nightly news. I normally am on my way to work so watching the news never happens or I feel that I see enough bad stuff at work that I don't want to know what's going on in the world today.

Anyways I was watching NBC and saw this Younger women turn to fertility specialists - Nightly News with Brian Williams. I was interested at first... then a bit disgusted. I'm one of those women... and I wish I had been as aggressive as the 25 year old in the newscast - after 4 months she saw an RE and found out she wasn't ovulating. Maybe if I had been more aggressive than I already was we would have found out what was wrong from the get go rather than having so many miscarriages in one year. The part that they missed when talking about this woman was that she had a legitimate medical diagnosis and if she had waited the year that medical diagnosis would have been undiagnosed for a year before she sought help.

My time of trying before meeting the RE was 9 months. I was going to wait patiently for that year mark, but after miscarrying on clomid my doctor threw his hands up in the air and said something along the lines of "I can't fix this." Fortunately I had already set up an appointment with an RE and got in quickly - but still... what if I hadn't been as aggressive.

This news cast made me feel as if both myself and some of my friends are being too aggressive... yet they totally missed the boat. Maybe we're not being aggressive enough. I'm going to take the stance that maybe in our 20's we take our fertility for granted. We've spent years being told that if we have unprotected sex that we'll end up pregnant - so we're careful. Then once we meet the right partner or become financially stable we decide that we want to have a baby. We try. We try again... We try again and we fail, fail, fail. We get angry at ourselves, our bodies, our partners. We wait for the year to go by so we can go to our doctors and at that time they then tell us to quit charting or relax or some other assinine thing and we get irritated - try. Buy a fertility monitor and the associated sticks - have sex on demand of the peak and continue to fail fail fail. Or we succeed only to miscarry, miscarry, miscarry (sorry that's my story). We go back to the doctor - and he throws his hands up in the air and hands you a script for clomid or says I can't help you.

Eventually you end up at the RE's office. By that time maybe it's been 9 months, maybe a year, maybe longer - and what did waiting accomplish for any of us? Not a whole heck of a lot.

So impatient? I don't think so. I think I've been patient... I think most of the women I know have been patient. I think that if we hadn't become informed consumers (patients) that we wouldn't be as far as we are and that close to maybe - key word maybe finally gettinig closer to our goal.

Has It Really Been That Long?

Five years ago found me on Friday, September 13th, 2001 driving with my mom and dad to Racine, Wisconsin to take a test. Yes - Friday the 13th...

The test was a clinical competency exam so that I would be able to finish up my degree. I had prepared for this, I was freaked out about it and impatient and like always going full steam ahead. That night I took the first test - demonstration of intramuscular and subcutaneous injections as well as IV drip calculations, and sterile dressing changes. My parents came along for the ride.

I spent the night fretting about the next morning with good reason. I bombed both of my patient cases. One was due to a stupid error on my part - and in this clinical exam - there was very little room for error. The second case was due to a blood pressure difference. The nurse examiner had a different number than I did. You only have a small margin of error...

I went back to the hotel - my parents were off visiting my mother's brother. I tried calling an ex-boyfriend and fortunately didn't get him. We had been done for about 3 months and I had been with him for three years. He's currently married to the woman he cheated on me with (his professor). My parents finally came back and asked how the day had gone... I said I bombed. My dad and mom looked me straight in the eye and said "S*****, what's the worst that happens if you do fail?"

I said - I'd have to come up with more money, wait a time period and take the test over again. They both looked at me and said - this test isn't going to say whether you are a good or a bad nurse. It's a test you have to take so that you can be the good nurse that you already are. We went to bed and the next morning I told them to be at the hospital at 11 - in case things went to hell in a handbasket.

The next day - things went smoothly. My first patient was a child and a weird occurence of security gaurds coming and asking if the parents had cause a disturbance down in the cafeteria. My second patient an adult. My third patient a geriatric (he was 90) with atrial fibrillation - that fell asleep while I was listening to his heartbeat and couldn't hear a word that I said. I had to have the preceptor ask him questions because he couldn't hear anything I had to say.

I finished and I passed. The clinical coordinator - a woman that I truly did not like - she was just too touchy feely for me asked "What had changed?" I looked her straight in the eye and said... I have nothing to lose. This test isn't going to make me a better nurse. This test isn't going to provide me with all the answers. This test is just another hoop I have to jump through. She said that she had been worried about me that the first day all the instructors make their guesses as to who will pass/fail. I had been in the pass column. However the second day - it seemed as if my confidence had been shot or something. It hadn't - I just needed to have my back against the wall so to speak to remember what it was I was fighting for.

It was 6:30 pm when I finally finished. My parents were still waiting patiently in the front lobby. I found out on the ride home that my parents had run into the clinical coordinator and she had gushed at them "Ohhhh are you Sam's parents? Did you come to give her moral support" My Mom and Dad have NEVER called me that and never will so my parents response of "No. We're S*****'s parents and we came along for the ride."

It was a good trip with the three of us... my parents did as I asked and came early - however they brought a LOT of things to keep them both occupied while they waited. They waited and waited and when I finished never once said "I told you you'd do fine." They just both jumped for joy and said lets get on the road and find a nice place to celebrate. And we did.

So in closing... I graduated from college in November of 2001. I took my licensing exam on December 13, 2001 and became licensed as a registered nurse on December 17, 2001. Five years... Odd as five years was what it took me to figure out what it was that I wanted to do.

Now a quote to make you think... and keep paddling.

Always behave like a duck — keep calm and unruffled
on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath."
– Jacob Braude

It Must Be the Progesterone...

I'm slowly becoming insane... I've picked fights with my husband - over stupid things. Seriously stupid. Here are two examples...

1. He wouldn't come sit and watch "The Muppets" with me. I spent the next hour and a half or so saying "Come sit with me." I'm never that whiney. Then I was pissed because he wouldn't come sit with me. I didn't kiss him goodnight last night because of it.

2. He has a lock box, I asked him to put something in it for me, then he locked it back up. I asked to see what else was in his lock box and he wouldn't open it up for me. I tried to physically take the keys out of his hands to look at it, threatened to use power tools on the lock box, etc. Finally after my trump card of - what's yours is mine, what's mine is yours and I wouldn't keep anything from you if I had a lock box - he opened it... a birth certificate (his), our marriage license, some checkbooks from an account we no longer have (that I made him throw out) and the ring I asked him to put in there.

I had to escape before I lost my mind anymore than I already had... when work called it was my savior. I got called in to work at 1130 at night and I missed the call as D was screening the call, but I called them back to see what they wanted. This doesn't happen frequently but they were slammed. The peds floor had an explosion of patients, and the PICU had their fair share as well... so I took 2 kids and helped to lighten the other's loads. Also while getting paid call in pay. So I went in and worked 8 hours.

Then I come home this morning to my wonderful husband, my irritated dogs (I abandoned them) - now forgiven. I then read of Karen who now has a lovely daughter named MP and her and Random are mommy and daddy to this gorgeous girl. I promptly cried tears of joy at the news and the updates. I also went over to Alex and cried some more. Now granted all of these are sappy reasons to cry and I'm generally a glutton for that - especially if it's in my own home. This just seems like too much. It has to be the progesterone.

Oh and who had the bright idea to give me ovulation pain? Seriously could have done just fine without experiencing that. Apparently my ovaries had a field day because they still are a bit tender to the touch - or my lower abdomen just aches occasionally for no apparent reason. Traitor.

So now I'm going to go to sleep... so I can go back to work tonight (yes it's my one odd stretch of work) wake up and order my tickets for the TSO concert in December because damnit I'm not missing it again. Then life will be peachy after that right? As long as I finish that baby afghan for one of my friends who has a shower coming up on the 23rd... I won't name names but she knows who she is.

Apparently Math is Not My Subject

As most who know me in real life know I hate math... well I still hate it.

My math calculations led me to believe that it was really likely that I would not be close to my anniversary for any hpt's or betas. I was wrong wrong wrong. This is why one always must double check your calculations because well I SUCK and to think D and my fil miscalculated the length and width of our new deck and it's shorter than it was supposed to be. They apparently didn't double check their calculations either before sawing off things or in my case spouting off that it's a great day because I won't be testing around our anniversary when in reality I will be.

In all seriousness it's not a big deal. It's not ideal and I could hold out a day longer etc, but truthfully we want to know. If we could know right now if this all worked we would. Does that make sense?

We also received a letter from the RE's office saying that starting 12/01/06 they will no longer be participating with our current insurance. If everyone can join in with me and say wtf? So I wait patiently to find out what my employer will be offering for insurance and seeing if it will even be worth our while to sign up for it or not.

Or I could be all pollyanna like and say "not to worry we'll be pregnant for real by December." But I'm not like that in regards to my own pregnancies... everyone else's I'm your optimistic gal. Me I'm the girl of doom and gloom (read the archives good betas, doubling betas, etc etc mean squat in regards to me). At this point I'm not getting my hopes even remotely up until I see a heartbeat in the uterus and they better check to make sure there is nothing growing in my tubes as well. Because boy would that pee on my parade.

I've also not had a whole heck of a lot to say... because do you seriously want to read of my neurotic musings? The crazy thoughts of someone who is literally like 3-4 dpo? I'd poke my own eyes out if I didn't need them to google and read. I don't think I would be nearly as nuts if I hadn't just received that notice in the mail from the RE's office. If I was pregnant and confident it would all work out it wouldn't even bother me but knowing that I'm short some gonal-f if this cycle is a bust and that financially come December it would suck. It's putting my plans out of whack and I like to always have a plan and a back up plan. Right now I don't know what that is... I'm sure D will say - it'll be okay - we'll do what we have to do and I'll try very hard not to choke him when he says that - because I know and he knows that for it to be okay one of us if not both of us will have to work more than we already do and well that means less time together and thinking about that stinks to say the least.

Ultimately we'll get there, it just may take some time. Until then I'm going to go find a *#(@*!! calculator so that hopefully I can balance my checkbook. Lets just blame it on the drugs seriously - they must be the thing that is making me nuts this month. I'm going to also go find some peanut butter and chocolate something because apparently I want some comfort food and nothing says comfort than those little debbie peanut butter and chocolate bars (not nutty bars, but the other things with the tube of peanut butter in them) yeah if I didn't know better I would say I was totally losing my mind - nope just saying to hell with my diet. Screw it.

And They're Off

Doesn't this whole ttc thing feel like you're in a race to the finish?

No - it doesn't? Well it does to me.

This title has two topics the first is that my house is my own again... my mil/fil have vacated the premises... it was a nice visit, they could have stayed longer, however they are headed to their cabin now as they had a new well dug and need to test the water.

The other - I'm sure I've ovulated at this point as we're about 60 hours post trigger.

The other reason I'm sure I ovulated is I had abdominal pain. Seriously... twinges every now and again. A few seconds where I was thinking wtf am I getting myself into? See - I've never had ovulation pain. Can't say it's all that fun. So now we wait. Hopefully the sperm and the eggs can meet/unite and make nice. Then they need to take a jaunt down to the good ole ute and settle in.

On an odd note - I'm out of the closet. Some of my coworkers asked a bunch of questions - I answered. I educated on habitual aborters... it was weird and good at the same time. I'm all about letting people know about infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. However - it's also disconcerting when people know where you're at in your cycle. Make sense?

So now we wait. We also have to clean and sleep. Guess which one I'm going to do first????


zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A Bit Big For My Britches...

First off - Mickey has been evicted... Mickey as in mouse... I came home to that news yesterday morning. I didn't even ask D for the details. I just was happy to hear that he is apparently gone and that him and his buddies ate all the decon. I'm hoping to find no more Mickeys that's for sure.

Now on to the real reason all of you come to check out my blog... Today was my date with the vag cam. E2 was 250 so that increased which is good. I got out of work on time - amazing as Friday I didn't. Got to the office (which is an hour away from where I work) with 20 minutes to spare and was very shocked at how many cars were actually in the parking lot. It's a Sunday and they elected to be closed on Saturday and Monday for the holiday weekend. Generally weekends and holidays that means you get the doctor to do your scan. I didn't know if it would be my doctor or his partner.

I went back - and in walks the partner. Now I've never met him. I've seen his picture and he looks nice. I know others that go to him and they all love him as well as his partner so I had high hopes. He didn't let me down. We did the preliminary introductions - he wanted to make sure he pronounced my name correctly - he didn't I corrected and he made a note to make sure he would remember how to say it. Then we got down to the business at hand. He didn't let me down.

I was not made to feel as if I was a gear shift or that someone was hunting for their missing keys in my vagina. He was able to immediately find my uterus took the picture. My right ovary (the bitch) was of course being a pita and trying to play hide and seek - he was just getting ready to tell me he was going to have to press on my abdomen when voila' there it was - 15 then wham another one 10. He moved over to the other side and again didn't feel as if my cervix was being ripped off which is always a good thing - and he goes "That's what I was looking for." I laughed - 17, 14, and 10. So yeah uhmm 5 follicles and we're triggering tonight. I know my lining looked good so the quest for baby begins tomorrow... my in laws are visiting so I guess I'll have to be quiet.

Now the reason for this title was due to the fact I cockily said - oh I won't be stressing about a beta or pregnancy test or whatever I decide to do around my anniversary. I'm triggering tonight which is the 3rd. I could get a beta done on my anniversary. I'm not. So D took the liberty of ordering 50 hpts. Apparently we don't want to go through things when we can accurately tell the beta level by an hpt on our own. We'll have one done when it's obvious.

So he's granted permission... I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm going to try not to blow all 50 in one spot and most likely won't be prematurely peeing on anything. We shall see. We start the PIO on Thursday. Let the fun begin.

Oh and Happy Labor Day!

Good and UGH News

So do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Bad news wins... be prepared this is gross so I warned you okay.

Remember our mice problem? Did I mention that our spare bathroom (which I NEVER use) had a weird odor in it? Well it did about a week or so ago... D put a wallflower in it - warm vanilla sugar if anyone is interested and it apparently started to smell better. Didn't think anything of it. D thought that a mouse might have died somewhere near the vent.

Today it was confirmed. I'm not going to describe how it was confirmed, but all I'm saying is I'm very happy that a) I wasn't the one to walk into the bathroom and b) that my in laws or my mom were not the ones to walk into that bathroom. D is of course cleaning up the mess and going to be getting his tookus up to the attic to make sure there is nothing more up there to cause me anxiety.

The whole mouse thing literally makes my skin crawl.. having those buggers in my house just is a huge ICK factor and well I don't get "Icked" out very often. Seriously I'm the girl that can draw her own blood, deal with various body fluids without blinking an eye and not have issues... show me disgusting pictures and I'm fine. Tell me I have a mouse in my house - not so fine.

So the good news... I didn't lose you guys did I?

U/S showed 5 follicles (I think) I had a different wander and I swear she had to hunt for my uterus... I wanted to say "It's RIGHT there where you're grinding the dildo cam" but I didn't. I almost mentioned that my tonsils had been removed as well, but again didn't. I figured since I was in a pi.ssy mood due to working all night and driving to the u/s that I probably should mind my manners. She also had to "hunt" (those of you who have had a vag u/s know what I'm talking about... for my right ovary... I didn't think that bugger could get lost, but apparently it did. So 3 or 4 on the left and 1 on the right... biggest one measuring 15. My estradiol level or E2 level on Wednesday was 134... today it was 222 so we're to keep stimming until Sunday when I have yet another date with the dildocam. I'm almost hoping that it's my doctor that does it becauase seriously I think he could find things a bit easier than others.

Of course this means that the procreation marathon will be taking place most likely while my in laws are visiting... (It's a good thing I'm not a noisy gal and also that my in laws do NOT have the address for my blog) Oh did I not mention that? Yeah uhmm they're coming to my house for their vacation. While I work... they plan on leaving Wednesday morning when I finish - yeah whatever was my thought. It's the only time both of them can get off and D and his dad may actually build a deck off our front door so who knows it could happen...

Now - how the heck am I supposed to sleep while they're here? I'm buying ear plugs and ordering D to keep everyone quiet while I sleep because if I don't get sleep... well migraines happen and I need to be at work because well - heck we need money in case this cycle does or doesn't work out. He nodded and said I'll find something for them to do... I promise.