Whoops - Sorry to leave you hanging...

So we had the ultrasound and it showed appropriate growth and a heartbeat.  So I can breathe a bit easier.  Unfortunately I had to meet with a doc that I had never met before and who really didn't know me as my doc was on vacation - THE NERVE.  He proceeds to say while recurrent miscarriage is common after seeing the heartbeat the risk goes down.  I tried to nod at what he was saying, but I really wanted to say get out.  He was patronizing and condescending and since he said maybe he'd see me at my delivery I wanted to say "I hope not."  But refrained.  

On checking out I found that when I needed to schedule my nuchal scan that I also needed to meet with a geneticist and a maternal fetal medicine specialist due to advanced maternal age.  ACK.  Apparently I'm old and my eggs have expired.  This should prove interesting.  I staved off my panic at least for the moment.  So April 16 I get to hear a lecture from a nurse... really, I'll try to keep the eye rolling to a minimum.  Then May 13 I meet with my doctor and May 18 I meet with the MFM and geneticist and have my scan.  Fun times... in the meantime I'm shooting up progesterone and trying to stay mellow.  

We haven't decided when to tell the in laws and my mom.  Maybe in November?  My mom is just such a volatile combination and my in laws are currently visiting.  I'd rather keep the drama to a minimum.  

Unexpected news...

*Tap* *Tap* *Tap*

Anyone here?  

I know... it's been a long time.  I even forgot how to login to my account.  

Anyways... long time no chat, or blog or whatever.  The kids are great.  I'm a hot mess, but the kids are great.  Squeaker is 7.5 and Peanut is 3.5 and both kids are doing well.  Nana is still around though she's getting goofier and when I say goofier I mean her short term memory is iffy at times.  She's also hostile at times which makes what I'm going to tell you even more of a issue. 

So life at the 3 dog house was going well... then end of February to the beginning of March D started having issues at work.  When I say issues I mean that he has a hostile coworker who has managed to get herself named in 3 lawsuits including hostile work environment.  She apparently targeted him as her direct supervisor and well it was game on.  D was upset, I was trying to be supportive and well... lets just say all of my coworkers agreed the only way to make a man forget his problems is to well put it bluntly... put out.  So... that's what occurred.  

Flash forward 2 weeks and well... you get my drift.  In spite of our attempts to prevent a pregnancy we never took more permanent measures.  I have found myself not negative again.  Cue the anxiety.  And by anxiety - I mean a full blown panic attack.  Fortunately I have friends... Who could talk me off that particular ledge.  

The panicked phone call to the RE's office found me learning that my medical records were in storage and that they felt that my OB would be able to handle things in regards to PIO, betas, and early u/s.  The phone call to the OB office meant that I had to retell my story to the nurse because of course my doctor was not on call that day, but the NP was and well let me just say getting progesterone and labs out of that person was a goat rodeo.  It took 5 phone calls.  I was in tears.  For some reason it was an issue and rather than calling and talking to me about it I was having everything relayed to me through a phone nurse.  Which led to me sending an email asking if there were going to be issues with my care, that if there were and they were uncomfortable that I could still seek the RE's office.  I pointed out that my records indicate what was used in my previous successful pregnancies and that if it was an issue I'd like to know now.  

So now here we are a little bit later... the betas were good.  I have a rough estimate when I ovulated, however of course the OB's office goes by lmp and that's a fiasco.  We had the early u/s yesterday which showed a gestational sac, yolk sac, but too early for a heartbeat.  If they had listened to me the u/s would have been pushed a few days, if not a week.  However now I have another u/s on the 9th.  So we shall see.  In the meantime if we're facebook friends - don't post anything on my wall.  This is top secret.  Well at least as top secret as you can be when you're taking phone calls at work and dodging your mother so she doesn't know why you're going to the doctor or to an "Appt".  So we shall see... 

Write Up...

That's the words that were muttered to my mother when she picked up Squeaker at the bus stop by the bus driver.  Apparently my little heathen had hit the bus driver in the back of the head while the bus was driving and the day before he had spit on a girl.  He had progressively gotten worse on the bus with worse behavior.  He's 5... who wants their 5 year old kicked off the bus, but at the rate he's going that's probably what will happen before the end of the year.

We've instituted the 123 M*gic into our daily lives... my mother of course doesn't believe in it as she calls it it's bull*hit, but at least I have D on board with it.  S*anking was not working... (Good golly I have a lot of asterisks in my blog post)  I never bought into it and have tried until now to get D on board with other discipline efforts.  It's not perfect, but it has helped.

Squeaker is at school all day - he goes to the special education classroom in the morning and then to the kindergarten classroom in the afternoon.  We learned at his parent -teacher conferences that he was doing excellent, using his words to problem solve, asking for help with conflicts, etc.  Then we had to break the news to them of the bus problems... so now we have a book we're going to read to him about bus behaviors, etc.

I'm at a loss for words as to what to do to help him on the right path.  He has moments of greatness and moments of awfulness.  He's a strong willed child.  He's a smart mouth.  He's incredibly loveable at times...  He makes me crazy... he makes my mom crazy... Nana threatens to quit probably once every other week if not more frequently.  It's a good thing I'm on prilosec because otherwise I'd have an ulcer.

Thoughts are appreciated... I don't know if this behavior is only happening in the afternoon when he's tired, or if it's happening in the morning as well... In other news the poor kid is allergic to just about everything... dust mites, grass, weeds, mold, dog (mildly) and cat (which he loves) actually both animals he loves... so we're starting allergy drops in the hopes it will improve his symptoms. One can pray it does.  He was a trooper through the whole allergy testing thing and the multiple shots in his arms.

Many things...

I don't think I ever told the story of how Squeaker weaned... but yes he finally did. I'm not ashamed of how long of a nursing relationship we had, but I will always remember our last nursing session. It was the night before Peanut was born.  On July 26, 2011 was his last nursing session.  I nursed Squeaker for an awful long time and finding a way to wean was a hard thing for me to do. I tried many things, but this was a boy who just couldn't figure things out... until his sister was born. After we came home from the hospital - I didn't offer, but if he tried I was planning on not refusing. Fortunately he didn't ask and I didn't offer. So it was a lot less traumatic than I anticipated it would be. I have no idea if I'll nurse Peanut as long as I did Squeaker, but it will be whatever her and I decide it will be. I have no shame for how long we nursed, though I don't advertise it to be honest. If asked then I answer the question. Most of my coworkers know that I nursed him for so long, but only a few have asked about it. The one thing I regret is that I don't have a picture nursing him... even when he was younger. Peanut has a nursing picture.

A Day Late

Eight years ago yesterday I married my best friend.  We've had ups and downs.  We've battled through recurrent pregnancy loss and are now the proud parents of two beautiful children.  We are very lucky that through the stress of all those things we remained steadfast in our marriage and our love.  D is an amazing father and husband.  So... Happy Anniversary D!  Here's to many more years to come.

Happy birthday Squeaker!

In a few short hours my baby... my Not Negative, my Squeaker, will be 5 years old.  It's hard to believe that he has been on this earth for 5 years.  Crazy I tell you.  He's such a sweet, spirited, pain in the ass child.  I love him for it and in spite of it.  While his speech previously was delayed we now frequently hear "Is this appropriate for me to watch?"  He runs, he loves hard and furiously.  He's a pistol to put it mildly.  But he's my pistol.  His teacher understands him and knows he needs a firm but loving hand.  Which hopefully means he won't be spending time in the naughty room also known as the PSR (problem solving room) during the school year.  He's got definite opinions on everything.  It's quite comical.  He gave me a talking to when I attempted to put a toy in the goodwill pile that he had just gotten at a garage sale with Nana.  "Do you know how much that cost?  It cost Nana 25 dollars, it's brand new.  You can't give that to goodwill!  She'll be very upset!" (this went on for about 5 minutes)

He wants to be a canine cop.  How funny is that considering he's growing up in a houseful of dogs and his father is a police officer.  

Happy birthday my sweet boy... you made me a mommy and I am ever so thankful for you each and every day of my life.  

A year and change...

It's hard to believe a year has come and gone... Peanut is now almost 13 months old.  She finally has teeth - so far 3 have come in the space of a week.  I indeed have a late teether, but she is efficient about it.  I'm sure a 4th one will be popping up on the bottom soon enough.  My mother was surprised that the first teeth to arrive were her 2 top ones.  Peanut being Peanut of course has to be different from all the other children.  

She is walking a few steps.  She is a petite 17 lbs 12 ounces and 28.75 inches long.  So short and skinny.  One of my coworkers has a 7 month old that weighs 18 lbs... so in comparison Peanut looks tiny.  

Breastfeeding is ongoing... she's a different type of nurser than Squeaker was, so I have no idea how long we will nurse.  I'm of the child led weaning strategy... with Squeaker that meant he nursed until the night before Peanut was born and then said that nursing was for Peanut.  He then became obsessed with my nursing her frequently.  As if he was the camp director telling you what activities you should do.  So in other words Squeaker nursed until he was almost 4 years old.  

Peanut is a much better solid food eater than Squeaker ever was - I do not have visions of feeding therapy with her.  She loves turkey, veggie straws, peas, and just about any protein that you could find she would love it.  

As for me... I am enjoying day shift.  Shockingly... it's different, but it was definitely a good time to go.  I gained weight going to days, but I hope that it'll come off sooner rather than later.  I also love being a mom to these two beautiful and crazy kids.  

Corporal Punishment?

I think having Squeaker was just a lead up to what Peanut will put us through in a few years... she's a tough cookie. She never narks on her brother and that is a dangerous thing. Because if that's the case than I am in big trouble.

Squeaker - my sweet lovable child is at times a rotten handful. It's like a switch has flipped and he's this little monster with no manners and is mean. He won't stop doing whatever it is he's not supposed to be doing and no matter what the punishment it seems as if you have to escalate for him to deescalate. It drives his father and his Nana up a wall. In fact it caused Nana to leave early on Thursday because of his antics the night before. Even I recognized that he was out of control at the time, however I had to leave for work so I wasn't a solution to that particular problem.

My mom is 69 and her patience if she's feeling not well is nonexistent. I'll be working nights until June and then I'll be on days, but where the hell am I going to find a daycare situation for a little boy who can be sweet one minute and a hellion the next? Also one that has late hours and early hours for my 12 hour shift work....

He kicks, he hits, he gets frustrated - and I don't know if some of it is because he's just catching up on his language skills and hasn't figured everything out or what.

So... what's the solution? I have no idea. We've tried time outs - which seriously do not work. Squeaker has even been sent to the naughty room at school... that he didn't like. Why do I have no naughty room at home? With an educator to monitor his activities in the naughty room.

Hmmm

I know it's awful... I went off and had another baby and then decided to just clam up. In all honesty I keep coming up with great things to write, but writing with Peanut in my arms is a challenge. She likes to cuddle. She's doing well - though we (meaning her and I) have thrush which means we're both on medicine which sucks. I had pneumonia to ring in the new year with and that meant I ended up on antibiotics which in turn meant Peanut ended up with thrush. Ick ick ick. No fun for all parties involved. She is growing like a little weed.

Squeaker on the other hand is a ball of energy. He still is in love with her and says "Peanut loves me" all dramatically. He also wants to hold her all the time. One day I had her in the exersaucer and he was watching a movie... I was in the kitchen. When I came out of the kitchen no Peanut in the exersaucer... she was in his arms in the chair. When asked how this happened he said "I picked her up." and I told him that he isn't supposed to do that. His response - "She not crying" with a shrug of the shoulders. We then got into a debate about his little sister not narcing on him and that if Nana catches him his tail feathers will be on fire.

Christmas was great fun around here - in Squeaker's words "holy smokes" when he walked out Christmas morning... however with the holidays also comes the in laws... and with the in laws comes Squeaker acting like a royal pita. Nana finally got to see it in action. Part of it is because he doesn't see them that often, but it also is them... they don't say no. There is no discipline from them so Squeaker thinks he can run roughshod all over them and he does. It's like my sweet son becomes a caveman when they're here. D says it's because they encourage it and truthfully they do... I have yet to figure out how to tackle this problem with them. It's frustrating for everyone and it doesn't help Squeaker. They want to be "THE GRANDPARENTS!!!!!" not just Papa and Grandma. They went over the top for presents for him - yet Nana got him clothes and every time he opened a present from Nana he said "A sweatshirt! Thank you Nana!" I just don't think they get it... and I don't know how to help them to. :S

Life is good... I'll try to post more. I promise. Below are two pictures - one of Squeaker in all his suspender glory - which a friend gave him a tool kit which included real tools, suspenders, and a hard hat. D says her daughter will be getting a drum set marked for 7-12 year olds. Also Peanut is pictured saying hi guys!

Squeaker and a Peanut

Wow has time flown by or what? It seems like yesterday was the day Peanut came into our world, however it has been 16 weeks.

Squeaker is still in love with her, but he is finally getting a bit gentler with her. She's going to grow up to be a tough girl I'm sure with all the LOVE her brother gives her. She's a fairly happy baby which makes things easier for everyone. She eats better than her brother ever did. Which means - breastfeeding once we got in the swing of things was monumentally easier with her than it was with her brother. However - she threw us into a panic right before I went to work with her sudden dislike of a bottle... I ended up buying $60 worth of bottles and finally we were able to find one that she would take... My mom was in a panic and kept repeating over and over - I never knew a baby who wouldn't take a bottle. After we got that issue resolved my mom spoke with her P.A. about it and he told her his daughter was the same way - which was nice to have it validated by someone else because good lord knows I know nothing :)

In other news - Nana has become obsessed with Peanut's pooping or lack there of... I on the other hand don't worry about it. D has told my mom that she worries if Peanut's not pooping and worries if she is, so would she just leave his little girl alone about her pooping habits - she's fine. He also told her that if she spent as much time worrying about herself as she does about everyone else she'd be in great condition. Although my mom is a closet hypochondriac so she worries about everyone and herself.

Things here have finally gotten easier... by easier I mean, I am finally human... after Peanut was born and while D was home for 3 weeks things were rough... D and Squeaker were at each other's throats and I was finding myself biting my tongue from yelling at them as well as my mother. This was not normal for me... at about the 6 week mark I knew it wasn't normal for me. So I called my OB and their response was to see a counselor. I did... and then at my 7 week follow up appt I spoke with my OB about it and he said "Did we start you on something?" I told him no, the nurse told me you wanted me to see a counselor... he apologized profusely and said that he was not the one spoken to about it, and here is your prescription... but to continue seeing the counselor. So I did all the free appts that my employee health thing gave me and then she cut me loose because she felt I was doing well and I am. So, I'm no longer seeing the counselor, but you would love how the last appt went... D went with me and thought he was going to be sitting in the playroom with Peanut... nope - he ended up in the appt with me. It was a little weird... the counselor was way too close to D's personal space... D's a cop - he doesn't like people invading his space. She gave us her thoughts that we're a fairly balanced couple and that we seem to communicate really well. It was nice to have someone acknowledge that :) D's parents don't know anything about my PPD or that we/I went to a counselor... I'm not sure D's parents would want to know about that last appt because it focused mainly on them and our relationship with them... and how that makes D feel and how I feel that his family undervalues him. They truly do not realize all they are missing out on with him and with us. Which is sad...

All in all life is good... Nana is good, Squeaker is good, Peanut is good, D is good and so am I... what more could a girl ask for? A clean house - that would be nice, but I'll have to settle for a lived in look.

The above picture was taken Oct 29th... now that I have the images I really need to get on actually making a picture card up for my Christmas cards... fun fun fun!

Shutterfly part 2

Hi there,

Those of you who commented - please let me know if you received your code. DinoD that means you :) and carebear - I need your email address otherwise I can't send a code. Melissa yours should be in your inbox as well!

Honest there will be another post soon... I promise. With pictures - stay tuned!

Shutterfly - Christmas Cards, etc

So... I know I know I'll put up a really good post shortly, but for the moment I need to write about Shutterfly. Primarily because they're being very generous and giving me 50 free cards.

I've used shutterfly for about 6 years now and have made our <a href="http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards">Christmas cards with them for quite a few as well. I generally come up with 3 or 4 designs and then have D help to choose which one to go with. Every year I have been pleased with the results. Shutterfly's customer service is great as well. A few years ago - must have been 2007 because it was a mug for Papa as a Christmas gift - it was delivered, but it was broken. I called and they immediately sent a replacement. I've also had problems with printing on a mug and they sent a new one without questions.

When Peanut was born I knew I would go ahead and do her http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/birth-announcements">birth announcements by shutterfly and I did. I was again pleased with the results - there were a variety of options from expensive to not so expensive. I ended up going with the not so expensive, but I will admit to being tempted by the more expensive options.

Over the years I've also made a number of tp://www.shutterfly.com/photo-books">photo books including one with all the pictures from Peanut's first two weeks and the photo shoot from that. I've got probably 4 photo books that I've kept and I've tried to do a photo book for the grandparents at least once a year. They love it. I have found that Squeaker oddly enough loves photo books of his family. He sits and looks at the pictures probably once or twice a week if not more frequently.

The gist of all this is that I love shutterfly and use them regularly and store my pictures online there as well. This post was sponsored by shutterfly and I have 3 gifts to give to the first 3 commenters on this post :)

Baby Girl Has arrived

At 1:04 pm I became the mother to a beautiful baby girl. Cecelia Elise was born at 1:04 pm and is 6 lbs 11 oz and 19 inches long. So far she's nursing like a champ and is doing great. I am doing well as well. I've been up walking once so far. Biggest challenge of the second c-section was getting her out - she didn't want to come out so there was quite a bit of tugging/pushing. They delayed cord clamped and got her to me to nurse pretty quickly. Overall a great experience. The nurses were wonderful and I have a great room which is really nice.

Stay Tuned...

Sometime today - most likely tonight there will be an announcement with pictures. I'm going to leave it to your imagination as to what that is, but it'll be up.

Wow...

I have two night shifts left before I start my maternity leave... tonight and tomorrow night. Now to get through them. I've been pretty fortunate to be able to tolerate the 12 hour shifts without too much pain, exhaustion, etc so I'm hopeful the last two should be fine. In theory of course :)

I will be 38 weeks on Wednesday. I'm still in awe that I'm pregnant still this has been a blessing as D has come up with project after project to complete. The current one is that he'd like me to wait to have baby girl until after they complete a deck off the back patio door in the next two days. Gee no pressure. Did I not tell all of you that D is a comedian?

I'm still trying to get things around and make sure I have all items completed, but to be honest while the spirit is willing the motivation is lacking.

So nothing to see here... will keep you posted though.

36 weeks 2 days

I now have been pregnant 4 days longer than I was with Squeaker... I made it through 6 nights of work (with one night off in there so it was 3 on, one off, 3 on) and am now happy to say that I can hopefully get a few things accomplished like packing that pesky bag for the hospital in case something happens. My placenta has officially been classified as low lying but still on the border so it's a wait and see kind of game as to what's going to go on with that. We've chosen after a lot of considerable thought, consideration and listening to what my physician has to say that a VBAC is probably not the best option for me at this time. I'm okay with that. D is as well so that is where we stand.

I am still trying to plug away at my list of things to accomplish before baby girl arrives... that would include packing a bag. The car seat is installed so that's at least taken care of and Squeaker's swing set that has been sitting in our garage since April when we bought it is now completely put up (only 57 steps, 3 people and 4 days). I'm going blueberry picking today and hope to freeze some of my bounty and take some blueberry trifle to a blessingway for another momma on a natural parenting board I'm on. I also hope to stop at work and work for an hour to get a few things done there so I can not worry about them kind of thing.

Tonight I couldn't sleep so this could be interesting to say the least. My goal of 37 weeks is just around the corner... Watch I make it to the scheduled c-section date :) It'd be a new thing for me.

34 weeks...

So far we are chugging along - I feel like I need to say to some people - move along, nothing to see here.

I had an appt on Thursday with the OB and we've scheduled the repeat u/s for next week to see if that pesky placenta has moved or not. I think he's more hopeful that it has since I haven't had a bleed, but we shall see. I think it helps that she's so stinking low in my pelvis that it's putting pressure on the placenta which may help or so I've read. Either way we'll know next week which is nice as I'm supposed to be in charge Thurs, Fri, Sat, and then again on Mon, Tues, Wed... ideally I just want to get through that work week and then anything can happen although it'd be nice if she waited until 37 weeks. Ultimately I know it's not in my hands and we shall see what this little girl decides to bring to the mix.

In Squeaker news he's picked up yet another charming phrase... totally from his Dad. "You know better than that." Which is at least better than some of the stuff he could be picking up. I'm struggling with potty training - we're not actively trying, but we're not ignoring it either. He'd rather pee outside or when out in public in a public rest room... however getting him to pee in the toilet at home is a battle of wills. He'd rather pee on the fence. I know it's a novelty and I'm trying to be patient. Tonight I bribed him with a cupcake to pee in the toilet rather than outside. I know one of these days it's going to be like a switch has been turned on. As his teacher said in his eval - he can do it, but it's not a priority for him so he chooses not to. Now how to make it a priority that is the real question. Telling him he's a big boy is about for the birds.

In other news he's now claiming the baby as his... when talking about his little sister he says "My baby sit on my lap", or "My baby sleeps here." It's very cute and hopefully he doesn't want to return her to wherever she came from once she arrives.

6 years... really?

Holy moly people... it's been 6 years since I started this blog. 6 years... wow. Just wow. I want to also say thank you to all the wonderful friends I have made because of this blog... you are all special in my life and I think of you often even when I don't write :)

Let me also say nothing bad happened on June 15th this year and I did not spend it curled up in a fetal position with the covers over my head which as we all know for me is a miracle. It was spent at a motel with a water activity park thingie for Squeaker to play with and me to feel like a beached whale in a swimsuit - fortunately no pictures were taken of me - lots of pictures of Squeaker.

Today I celebrated my birthday with my husband and son and then went out to dinner while Nana watched Squeaker. Everything was great about dinner... except dessert which we brought home. I was sorely disappointed in the caliber of the dessert... seriously? This was a fancy restaurant and the dessert was just not right.

All in all things are good here. I'm 33 weeks and change and have another appt next week with the good old ob. So far no bleeding which is a very good thing. After having a frank conversation with the good doctor in regards to what's the likelihood of bleeding I learned... that it's a pretty high probability of having a bleeding episode. Needless to say I was a bit deflated by that, however I'm hopeful we can get to 36 or 37 weeks... (It's a goal people) and we all know that I enjoy just having small goals right?

In other news Squeaker has taken to a few choice colorful things to say... I have yet to figure out how to respond when he says "I'm tired of this s*it." in a completely appropriate tone and situation - dogs barking mercilessly (this is a total Nana and Daddy phrase)... I think I choked on something the first time I heard it and now just say "Squeaker that is not nice to say we don't say that." Needless to say I think we're going to have to institute a penalty jar or something for the potty language that goes around this house.

He also told me the other day in a completely forlorn voice "My p*nis no pee" when told he could watch Bob the Builder once he peed on the potty.

So speech therapy - it works for us! :)

30 weeks and change...

Hi there... remember me?

Yeah sorry about that long absence... I just didn't have a lot to say. Things here have been uneventful. Well they were until yesterday that is.

Yesterday was a prenatal appt and u/s to check and see where my placenta was lying. In the hopes of it hopefully lying somewhere far far away from the cervix. Because I'm me and we all know that nothing with me ever goes smoothly we learned that that darn placenta hasn't moved a millimeter. I somehow was living under the mistaken impression that while it was low it was a few centimeters away from the cervix... not so much. It's exactly 7 millimeters away. So after the u/s we waited patiently for the doctor's appt where I got to learn all about what to watch out for as if to say - it's not a matter of if you'll have a bleeding episode it's a matter of when. I was a bit deflated at that point, but I still had the heads up to ask so - how was that glucose tolerance test... where I then learned my results were right at the cut off for doing the 3 hour test. We've elected to not do the 3 hour test, but to monitor my fasting blood sugars and see where they are. I'll do some pre and post ones as well as I'm an an*l retentive freak, but hopefully it's nothing.

Needless to say my balloon has popped a bit... things are going relatively well, but I feel as if I'm waiting for a shoe to drop right on my head... In the good news category - no bleeding, she's healthy and she's not breech. We'll take what we can get right?

So...

Sorry to keep everyone in suspense. D finally got the card opened (the u/s tech had stapled it about 10 times) and we are having a little girl. My mother and my in laws are tickled. My sister is already shopping and my brother in law sent D a note saying look out... My niece is delighted as now she's not the only one. As for Squeaker... he just wants a baby :)