All the wishes, hopes, promises of pony's couldn't make that sac grow... the ultrasound it wasn't good. It showed the sac and the yolk sac - about the same size as it was last week. The doctor initially said - well we thought you ovulated later right? I looked at him, and said NO... YOU thought I ovulated later. I was pretty certain of my dates. He shrugged and said "I guess I was beinig optimistic." I said yeah... and we thank you for that.
I almost asked him if I could drive his sports car... I figured if you're giving me shitty news the day before my birthday then I at least deserve to drive your sports car. I didn't ask. Maybe next week when I'm hopped up on valium I will.
So what's the plan you may ask... well I had two choices.. I could stop the progesterone and let nature take it's course - "expectant management" Yeah uhmm NO... since my body has bled for 3 weeks before with hcg levels continuing to go up not choosing that as my option just in case. Number 2 - in office d/c. We chose the in office d/c... which apparently is not as plush as the hospital d/c, but is quicker, and they still give good drugs. I signed up for the good drugs. That'll happen next Friday at approximately 1 pm.
There are a couple of other reasons why I'm postponing this... First tomorrow is my birthday. I would have done it tomorrow, but that wasn't possible. The second reason is that I'm supposed to work the last 4 nights on my old unit and somewhere in there is a going away party for Sami... I've spent 4+ years with these men and women and while they may piss me off, I don't want to leave by saying... yeah uhmm I need to go have a miscarriage - carry on without me. The third reason is that D has a physical on Tuesday for his new job as well as the psych interview on Thursday... I'd really like to not send him into either of those with anxiety issues or emotional baggage... though I fear I already am. So... we'll continue taking the progesterone... if bleeding were to start we'd stop and see what happens... however knowing my body - wouldn't care... bleeding means nothing.
So... do you guys want to hear my good news????
Yes in spite of the bad news today we did get some good news...
1. Pay cut will actually not be as large as we feared. Our dogs will not need to eat poor boy dog food, but can continue in the lap of luxury with the premium stuff we've been feeding him. D will not need to get a second job to make up the difference.
2. Health Insurance - appears to be the same as what we have currently through D's employer... which ROCKS... is WAY WAY WAY better than mine... so when this is all resolved we can start up another cycle of injectables without fear of landing our asses in the poor house.
Yes - we'll be resting a cycle then continuing on... I've come to some conclusions which may shock all of you because - well I think I've demonstrated myself to be quite the control freak...
When our next cycle occurs... I'll not be peeing on anything. No sticks. I'll schedule a beta and NOT have the results faxed to me. All I want to know - good or bad... no need to know numbers because well hell - numbers don't mean squat for me so we don't need to know about them. I'm going to trust my doctor's judgement and we may consider switching from the prometrium up the hoha to PIO... not sure about this one - briefly talked about it and all parties involved - (me, D, and doctor) are on the fence about it. We've got time... at least a month if not more.
So that's what's up in the 3 dog house... I hope your day was much more pleasant. I've already made plans for next year on this day that do not involve u/s, pregnancy tests, or anything remotely maternity related... I'm just saying.
Yes - this was our fault... apparently it was mostly mine because I didn't like the brand of condoms that were bought... that'll teach me. Lesson learned.
Stay tuned... birthday tales for tomorrow! Also - I'm doing fine... really. I grieved mostly last week about this because I knew. A week behind what I was 99% sure of... that's not good.