Friday, December 22, 2006


There aren't many things that make me cry, but today I cried for Akeeyu as her father has died after a battle with cancer. She needs the support of all of us... though goodness knows it's a very solitary thing to go through. Support is something this community does well. Losing a parent sucks and so does infertility and to have to deal with both while not being able to give to your parent the one thing you wanted to "grandkids" well that just sucks even worse.

I know - I lost my dad 2.5 years ago. Right before I got married. 2.5 years means that the initial injury is healed a bit, but there's still a lasting scar that still hurts, still misses him and still well it still bleeds upon occasion. I wish I could say to her it will get easier... I wish I could say to her - he's in a better place, but even though your logical mind knows this as a daughter who still wants her dad with her it doesn't matter.

Yes, this is a fact of life - every one dies... but guess what that doesn't make it easier... it still sucks and that's the part that as someone who's been there knows.

Most of you that have been reading or have read the archives know that I was close to my dad and his death really sent me for a tail spin. I still pick up the phone to call and tell him something... I still talk to him in my mind. D still frequently goes "I really wish your dad was still alive." Generally when referring to the pups, home repairs or a question of woodworking skills etc.

The thing I wish I could talk to him about more than anything though is this whole infertility crap. Seriously - I think he probably would have given assvice, but it would have been coming to me with love in his eyes and reminders of the good things in life. That kind of assvice I can handle... But he can't and while I love to wish and dream of that possibility it isn't going to happen anytime soon.

Dad would have reminded me that I wasn't meant to be - yet here I am... He was supposed to be "sterile" per a doctor... yet he met up and married my mom - fertile recurrent miscarriage myrtle and here I am. A second fertile recurrent miscarriage myrtle... which sucks, but what are you going to do about it? Keep moving forward - one step after another. Ultimately someone will prevail...

Very cute puppy photos coming up!


DD said...

I cried for Akeeyu, too. I know there are lots of women who will be enjoying the holidays, but it sure seems like there's so many more who really suffered a lot in 2006.

I'm sorry you are missing your Dad right now. Even if he had given you crazy assvice, it would have been assvice from your Dad.

OHN said...

I lost my Mom and miss her and think about her every day. For about a year after she died, I would go to pick up the phone to tell her something (we talked all the time) and realize she couldn't answer and it tore me apart. The thing that really gets to me is that the kids won't ever know how completely terrific she was.

Hurry up with the puppy pics--I need a fix :)

Justin said...

hey show me the pup pics!! wanna see them..
And hey, u too can check out this funny pets post..its nice

merry xmas

Maribeth said...

I remember it well. Hugs, Sam, and a very Merry Christmas!