Who Would Have Thought...

We'd have a baby monitor before we had a baby?

Yep you read that right - we now own a baby monitor. It's the easiest way for us to be able to be out and about in the house without worrying about Meghan and her puppies. I know it makes us sound totally paranoid, but truthfully after having a pup die due to being laid on - one tends to be a bit paranoid.

Right now I've learned I'm pretty sensitive to death of any kind - whether it be from natural causes or unnatural causes, human or animal. I'm realistic about life and death - that's not it... it's that I am so tired of death touching my life. (I don't mean at work either)

I mean I'm tired of losing people and things that I care about... maybe this is what accumulates after trying for so long and losing so many... I don't know. Maybe this is due to trying to figure out what path to take next if we have to choose... Maybe it's just that for once I want joy and happiness rather than sadness in our lives.

Don't get me wrong - I have a LOT of things to be joyful about, however there are still quite a few things to be sad about. I keep things in perspective... and most days all you'll ever hear me talk about are the good things in my life. However at the end of the day, in the middle of the night... D and I talk about those things that aren't quite sunshine and light. He's bothered by this ttc thing as am I. We handle it differently.

I think he was rather disappointed with the post wash count... okay I KNOW he was disappointed in the post wash count because he came home and googled it to try and find a "normal" value. Talk about an effort in futility... I think this time is different for him... because every other time we could always say it was most likely something went wrong with "my" body... now we know the possibility is there that the problem may be with both of us... and that has made my loving husband start to talk about next steps... what if's... things we hadn't necessarily agreed or discussed before.

Communication is something that is vital in our relationship - no one could ever say that we don't communicate. However we have left a few things unresolved - our feelings about IVF... so now that's being discussed... Our RE has not once ever mentioned that, but we want to have a united front if that option ever gets brought up.

So what have we learned...

1. That S & D are paranoid about their puppies...
2. That S & D have agreed to a s/a if this cycle is negative.
3. That S & D are contemplating more IUI's depending on what the s/a shows if this cycle is negative...
4. That S & D are talking about IVF and if we would even go that route...

Nothing is ever set in stone... I know D will move heaven and earth to have a family with me... and that is something I can wrap around myself when he's not here and know that I am loved and that I truly have a wonderful husband. Maybe that's the take home message of today...