Saturday, November 04, 2006

Broken Dreams

Last night was our first PIO of this cycle... D has become very adept at these. It takes him about 2-3 and then he does not need me to point out landmarks. I'm impressed. Primarily because this is the man who broke out in cold sweat and almost passed out during his first subcutaneous injection he gave me. Terror would accurately describe his face that day. It wasn't pretty now he's a pro.

I'll be honest and please don't hate me but I truly don't have any issue with doing the PIO... it's simply more convenient for me to do this than to deal with pink cm from prometrium and a definite amount gets absorbed so in theory my progesterone level should never be in question. I should in theory have enough to sustain and maintain a pregnancy... if I of course were ever to get pregnant and make it stick kind of thing. We shall see.. only time will tell.

10 days down and then it's beta day... I just want it over and done with... whether it's positive or negative I can deal with the resulting roller coasters, but I just want to know one way or the other. I want things to work out, but I'm realistic in realizing that even if I get a positive things may not work out. D is too... and that I wish wasn't the case. I wish he still had some naivete about this whole process, but I've unfortunately brought him too to the dark side. I think that's the part that's harder than anything else... I can handle my dreams being crushed but watching his... seeing him stare at a baby at a restaraunt and point out the cute things the baby does breaks my heart... because I know he wants that too.

Seeing him respond to an email from a friend that's pregnant who offered to "send us the water as everyone is pregnant around her" and him saying thanks, but no... rather than going into detail and saying hello??? We have no problem getting pregnant and every problem staying pregnant. Knowing that he will be a wonderful father... and wanting more than anything to make him one.

Alright - can we all tell that the HCG has crept into my system and made me a complete nut case??? No? Well it has... we'll be back to our regularly scheduled snarkfest shortly. I have some posts brewing... a vent about my siblings... debating all our options... and gosh whatever else I might be able to come up with.


DD said...

When two of the 4 girls in my department (who are trying) got pregnant, someone made that stupid water comment to me.

I wonder if our guys can ever look at our hips again as anything but targets...

DinosaurD said...

"nut case"? Not even close - I would only use the label if you were still being really perky over there.
I think being realistic (and dare I say pessimistic) is a defence mechanism. A viable pregnancy gives you the rest of your life to celebrate while another bust needs to be dealt with immediately.
Hopefully, no more busts (please)

Kath said...

Send you the water??? Man, that would be insulting even if conceiving were your problem. Honestly, people say the stupidest things.

Sending you big hopes, dear Sami.

Mandy said...

OMG, I can't believe she said that. No. I take that back. I can totally believe she did. What a twit, sorry.

And I agree, you're not even close to being a nut case. All things considered you're incredibly more sane than most people would be!

Here's hoping for a good cycle this go round!

Josie said...

Nutcase - no way.

I realy don't mind the PIO injections either, except for this big ass lump I formed from Thursdays shot. I am checking out blogs rather than stick the needle in that side again.

If she would send you the water don't drink it since apparently one of the other side effects is stupidity.